Everyone was so grateful to see him plunge into activity that no one but I knew that he was setting Ruatha Hold in order for his death. Not content with physical labor, he spent long hours at night with Tuero, sending out messages, some by drum but others in sealed letters conveyed by mounted messengers. I could hear the first-requests for brood mares for his stallions, requests for any holdless families with good reputations to apply to him. Some of the messages were reminders of marks owed Ruatha Hold; I saw those entries in the Records. He sent everyone able to walk or ride out to check on the condition of the empty holds, to tally what stock remained in the fields and in what condition, to discover what crops had been sown and their progress.
I, for one, found no joy in the work, colored as it was by his cheerlessness and dispassionate industry. We had worked harder making the serum, but a strong and good spirit had imbued us then. Now there was no animation in any of us, as if Alessan's emotionlessness drained us as well. There was even scant satisfaction in seeing Ruatha refurbished and clean, every removable evidence of the epidemic cleared away. Oklina put spring flowering plants about the Hall, hoping to cheer us up. Some of them withered and died immediately, as if they, too, could not survive in this atmosphere. I worried constantly that what I had said to Alessan had been wrong, that I had brought about this fearful change in him by appearing to condone his desired suicide.
Ten days after Moreta's death, at our somber evening meal, Alessan got to his feet, commanding our instant attention. He took a thin roll from his belt.
"Lord Tolocamp permits me to take his daughter, Lady Nerilka, as my wife," he announced in his blunt, uninflected way.
Much later, I came across that roll, wedged in the back of a coffer. Tolocamp's actual words were: "If she is there, take her. She is no longer kin of mine." Alessan need not have spared my feelings; but it proved in yet another way that an essential goodness of spirit was imprisoned behind that emotionless facade.
That evening there was a ripple of surprise, but no one looked at me. Not even Tuero. Desdra had returned to the Healer Hall five days before.
"Lady Nerilka?" Oklina asked timidly, staring with wide eyes at her brother.
"The Ruathan Bloodline must continue," Ales-san went on, and then gave a mirthless snort.
"Rill agrees to that."
Everyone looked at me then as I stared straight ahead.
"I remember now where I've seen you before," Tuero began. He smiled, the first smile I had seen in the ten days. "Lady Nerilka." He rose, bowing to me amid the scattered gasps of surprise.
Oklina stared only one moment longer, and then she was around the table, her arms about me, crying and trying not to cry. "Oh, Rill. Is it really you?"
"I have received permission from her Lord Holder. We have a harper present and sufficient witnesses, so the agreement can be formalized."
"Surely not just like that?" Oklina protested, snapping her fingers.
I took her hand in mine, pressing it firmly. "Just like this, Oklina." With my eyes, I begged her not to protest. "There is too much to be done to waste time, or marks that we don't have, on ceremony."
She allowed herself to be persuaded, but her little face was troubled. For my sake, I know. So I stood up, and Alessan took me by the hand, and we faced the assembled. He took a gold marriage mark from his pouch and repeated the formal request that I become his Lady Holder and wife, mother of his issue and honored before all others in Ruatha Hold. I took the mark-later I would see that it had been engraved with the day's date-and told him that I accepted the honor to become his Lady Holder and wife, though it was hard for me to add, "mother of his issue and honored before all others." But that was our bargain.
Oklina insisted on wine, the effervescent white of Lemos, so that all could toast our union. The traditional words were spoken by a harper who could not smile and had no new song to celebrate the occasion. The handshakes I received were firm, and one or two of the women were tearful, but it was a grim wedding day. Remembering that I was a bride, I managed to smile.
Tuero presented the Family Record for us to inscribe our names, my Bloodline, and the date, then Alessan excused us.
He was kind, and very gentle, and it broke my heart to sense how mechanical he was about the business.
Not much else changed, for I would not be treated formally and remained Rill to everyone.
Uncle Munchaun sent me the jewels I had left with him, along with a small but heavy chest of marks. These were my dower. He also told me what Tolocamp had said when he learned of my Whereabouts: "Ruatha Hold swallows all my women, and if Nerilka prefers Ruathan hospitality to mine, this is the end of her as my daughter."
Uncle told me this because he wanted me to hear it from him. But Uncle thought I had done exceedingly well for myself, and he wished me good fortune. I could have wished that good fortune were as visible as jewels and marks so I could display it to Alessan. Uncle added with great satisfaction that Anella had been infuriated by the news, having been certain that I was hiding in a sulk somewhere in the Hold. Finally she had complained bitterly about my continued absence to Tolocamp, who, indeed, hadn't realized I was missing until that moment
Holdless men, their families crowded into wheeled carts or drays, arrived in a fairly steady stream. Oklina and I fed them and let the women wash in the bathing rooms, managing to establish certain standards and values about them. Tuero, Dag, Pol, Sal, and Deefer would chat up the men over a cup of klah or a bowl of soup. Follen would give them a once-over for health and fitness. Strangely enough, it was often Fergal who would have the final telling word, and to whom Alessan listened most acutely. He gleaned information from the children that sometimes did not tally with what the adults had said. Always to our advantage.
We were fortunate enough to attract younger sons of lateral Bloodlines from Keroon, Telgar, Tiliek, and the High Reaches, so that the Hold once again filled its empty apartments and there were more capable supervisors. Craftsmen were sent, approved by Mastercraftsmen, with tools and supplies. Now, when I walked up the cot line to the beastholds, there were cheerful greetings from the settled, happy women, and children playing on the dancing square and in the meadows before lessons with Tuero. Gradually our subdued and somber meals took on some semblance of relaxation and geniality. That lasted until we heard from M'barak, who frequently was on conveying duty to Ruatha Hold, that the Hatching was imminent.
Then all of us were reminded of Moreta, Leri, and Orlith-and Oklina. I was horribly reminded of my bargain with Alessan. It was too soon to know if his attention to me was successfuclass="underline" that was the only alleviating factor for the stress I was obliged to hide from everyone.
Though Alessan never spoke about the Impression, we had come to assume that Oklina would be permitted to take her place among the candidates for the queen egg. We all knew that B'lerion came on more visits than the tactful ones he made by way of the Court.
I was dumbfounded when Alessan asked me had I a gown suitable for the Hatching.
"You cannot want to go?"
"Want, no! But the Lord and Lady of Ruatha will not absent themselves from this Hatching.
Oklina deserves our support!" The look on his face chided me that I could even for a moment sobbing. Alessan stiffly unwound her arms and almost pushed her at B'lerion. His face was stony as B'lerion wordlessly led Oklina away. I knew how hard it must have been for Alessan, and bowed my head against this fresh onslaught of despair.
A red-eyed M'barak arrived to escort us to Fort Weyr, and I quailed, knowing the reason for such tears. It was Alessan who showed me the courage to face the inevitable.