Hatchings are supposed to be joyous days, since Impression celebrates the beginning of brave new partnerships between dragons and men and women. How today's Impression at Fort Weyr could possibly contain any element of joy, I could not guess. And arriving at Fort Weyr was even more horrific. All the dragonriders were red-eyed, all the dragons a trifle gray-hued. All the guests were subdued, though not all of them knew that Leri and Orlith had gone between at dawn.
Despite the numbers of people arriving, despite their gay and festive garb, there was no conversation, no murmur of pleasantries as we all trudged across the Bowl and into the Hatching Ground. I hoped the somber mood would not affect the dragonets, or have some other unforeseen adverse effect. I don't think I could have sustained another disappointment; I marveled once more at Alessan's great strength of character and purpose.
So I held firm to the knowledge that if we survived this ghastly day, I would have Alessan's company for another month. I had to hold on to positive matters. I had to hold on to dignity and honor to sustain me in this day of crisis. I had to remember that I was now Lady Holder of Ruatha
Hold, one of the oldest Holds in Pern, and that our sister was a candidate for the queen egg. I had the right to be proud today. So I held myself tall and proud beside Alessan and wished with all my heart that his courage would be sufficient to see him through the day.
He was pale, I noticed in a quick sideways glance, but pride must have strengthened him, too. As we entered the Hatching Ground itself, he courteously took my arm. I was as glad for his support, for it was difficult to maintain any dignity while hot sands burned through the thin soles of my light shoes. Alessan led me to the tiers on the far left of the Ground. When we were seated, he kept his eyes studiously on the eggs, focusing in particular on the golden egg slightly apart from the others on a raised mound of sand.
I looked about me, because I could not look at the eggs or at Alessan. Master Capiam was there, blowing his nose fiercely, and the newly created Masterhealer, Desdra, sat beside him, looking sad, proud, and anxious all at once. Desdra would not be returning to her former Hall, as had been her original intention on attaining her Mastery. She was remaining with Capiam, and I so hoped that meant what I thought it might.
Masterharper Tirone and a huge number of harpers of various ranks were just arriving, so I didn't miss the entrance of Tolocamp and the gaudily dressed little Anella. She looked over the tiers and then pulled Tolocamp off to one side, distancing herself from us, I'd no doubt. The other Weyrleaders and Weyrwomen filed in, though Falga limped badly crossing the sands. Someone behind me pointed out the Benden Lord and his lady and the major Lords Holder as they entered. That was the first time, I think, that I realized I now held equal rank with such famous folk. Ratoshigan entered by himself, as usual. Craftmasters and their ladies arrived, although I saw few visitors with the Telgar Badge; many were wearing Keroon's.
Then I heard the humming, which grew in excitement as the dragons, gripped by a sense of occasion, sang a welcome to the candidates. Sh'gall himself led in the four girls, then fussily motioned for the boys to walk on while he positioned the girls in front of the queen egg. Other eggs were beginning to rock, and the dragons' song became ecstatic. My heart began to lift, my pulses quickened. Oh, please, let it be Oklina!
That would be the best sign there could be that our sorrows, Ruathan sorrows, were over.
She stood there so proudly, no more a shy, uncertain, slender girl, but a confident, dignified young lady. I had tears in my eyes. I had unconsciously clenched my hands into fists when I felt Alessan's hand unclasp one, his cold fingers lacing into mine.
One egg, just below us began to rock strongly. Others were equally agitated, and I could hear people behind me make wagers as to which egg would crack first. I wouldn't have won; the egg below us broke and a moist dragonhead appeared, crooning piteously as the dragonet shook itself free of the shell. It was a bronze! A sigh of relief rose from every throat. It was a very good sign for a bronze to be the first to hatch. The beast staggered directly toward a tallish boy with a shock of light brown hair. That was also a good sign that the dragonet knew whom he wanted. The boy didn't quite believe it and looked in appeal to his neighbors. With a laugh, they gave him a push toward the lumbering dragonet. No longer resisting such good fortune, the boy ran to kneel in the sand before the little bronze and stroke his head.
Tears were streaming down my face now, and I was hardly the only one so affected. No one could fault me for such a display. I had not realized that I had bottled up so many tears inside.
To cry was to release all sorts of ugly little pressures and tensions. Like waking out of a long, dark dream to a sun-filled day. Then I saw through the mist of tears, with Alessan holding my hand tightly, that a blue had found his chosen partner. The hum of the mature dragons was augmented by the crooning trill of the hatchlings and the excited exclamations of the newly chosen riders and their happy relatives in the tiers.
Suddenly everyone had eyes only for the queen egg, which was rocking violently. As Alessan's fingers crushed mine, I realized that he cared about the outcome of this far more than he would permit himself to hope-if only because expressing hope or love or care of anything must, in his lexicon, mean its loss. That flash of perception gave me the insight and knowledge to persevere in our relationship, and to understand the man who appeared to everyone else as undemonstrative and uncaring.
Then the egg gave three good wobbles and cracked neatly in half, the fragments falling away from the little queen who seemed to spring from the shards. Another positive omen!
Two girls wavered in their stance. I heard Alessan catch his breath, but I was filled with a strange and overpowering certainty which girl the little queen would choose. Quickly and with considerably more agility than the rest of the clutch had shown, the moistly gold queen made straight for Oklina. I didn't know that I had started to cling to Alessan, but his arm encircled me as Oklina lifted shining eyes, her gaze instinctively finding B'lerion.
"Her name is Hannath!" Oklina cried in a voice of exultation and amazement, her face so radiant that she was truly beautiful.
"Oh, Alessan! Alessan! Alessan!" I kept repeating, clinging to him, unwilling to express the tumultuous joy in my heart, but equally unable to suppress it even when I knew how painful this scene must be for him.
"She knew Oklina would impress," he said in a broken voice, staring down at Oklina's glowing face. I knew he was speaking of Moreta. "She knew!" He clung to me then, his grip so fierce I could not breathe. I felt the anguish in his body, the pounding of his heart. Then his chest heaved in one massive sob, and he buried his face in my shoulder, sagging against me for the support I gladly gave him. Was this the reason I had been made so tall? We stood like that only a few moments, then parted, Alessan sinking to the seat and looking out across the Sands. I know he saw nothing, for he made no sign when B'lerion and Oklina looked at us. I signaled them that, we would follow. Then everyone else left.
The silence in the Hatching Ground was profound, the excitement outside in the Bowl muted by the great stone walls. Finally Alessan raised his head, gazing across the sands to the tiers on the other side. His manner had altered in a subtle way I could not then explain. It was as if he had let go, as perhaps he had at that moment of Impression for Oklina. Had he ended grief as she began a new life? Could he find a new life, too?
"I gave her back her Gather gown there." His voice was a whisper I had to strain to hear. "She gave me hope and help. I can never forget her, Rill."