Flower was the exact opposite of me as a child. She was conversational. Throughout dinner, she told me all about attending first grade at George Washington Carver Elementary School. She explained how he had helped out farmers by inventing more than three hundred uses for peanuts. Without having to tell me, I knew that the school had to be in the black section of town. There was no way white people in North Carolina would allow their kids to attend a school named after an African American; not the part of North Carolina we were in.
I found out that her mother, Allison, was a veterinarian and according to Flower, “the saver of all of God’s creatures.”
I couldn’t remember the last time I had held any form of conversation with a child but I truly enjoyed it. Children are so innocent and full of life. They have no expectations, no misgivings and thus, no frustration.
Daddy was pretty quiet throughout dinner, more than likely still astonished that I had even showed up. It’s like one of those things you always daydream about but become content that it would never happen. His letters over the years had pleaded with me to reach out to him but I refused. I’m glad he never showed up on my doorstep because it would not have turned out the same way. Everything works on God’s timetable, not our own.
As I thought that, I realized it had been too long since I had attended church and there was no excuse for that. I would have to get back to my normal schedule and begin tithing again.
I asked Daddy, “Do you attend church?”
He looked up from his plate. “Every Sunday, like clockwork. You?”
“I try to, but I will admit that lately I have slacked off a bit.”
“Well, how about we all go together this Sunday?” he asked.
Flower squirmed anxiously in her seat. “That would be great, Daddy. Then all my friends from Sunday school can meet my big sister.”
Big sister! Two little words that spoke volumes and meant big responsibility. Even though I had just met Flower and had absolutely no idea how her mother would react when she met me, or if her mother even knew about me, I made a promise to myself to play a significant role in her life. I would have given anything to have a sibling, older or younger than me, to talk to when I was a child. Parents just can’t understand everything, even though they were once children themselves. Every new generation faces different challenges. People just don’t seem to get it.
Again, some things never change. I realized that when Daddy whipped out a bunch of board games after dinner. He always loved to play games. Monopoly, Trivial Pursuit and Scrabble had been replaced with more modern games like Scattegories, Who Wants to be a Millionaire, and Jeopardy.
We played two rounds of Scattergories, Flower and I against him. We beat him something terrible each time until he gave up.
After that, we made old-fashioned thick milkshakes in a blender, I was surprised Daddy had one, and sat out on the swing on the front porch gazing at the stars. Flower sat between us and did most of the pushing with her feet, even though she was the smallest. She would slide down to the edge of the seat just long enough to push us off and then pull herself back up.
“Gosh, it’s so peaceful here,” I said, after realizing a car hadn’t passed the house in more than fifteen minutes.
“Always has been,” Daddy said.
“How come you never brought me here as a child?” I asked Daddy. “To visit Grandpa?”
He shrugged and didn’t respond.
My paternal grandmother, who I never knew, died before I was born but my grandfather didn’t die until I was in junior high. Still, I never met him, only saw pictures. Daddy had just gotten a phone call one day, came out of his home office announcing that his father had passed, and the next morning he left by himself to return to North Carolina to “give the old man a decent burial.”
I remember the day he left. A torrential rainstorm occurred. Momma was vexed about him driving in such bad weather, but he told her, “I’ve got to do what has to be done,” and left.
He came back four days later and never spoke of it again. That was why everyone found it so bizarre when he ended up back in North Carolina a couple of years later running his father’s auto shop that had lain dormant since his death.
Daddy looked at his watch and then at Flower, who was yawning and had positioned her head on his upper arm. “Flower, it’s after your bedtime. Go ahead and put on your nightclothes and you can take your bath in the morning.”
“Okay, Daddy.”
She started scooting forward to get down off the swing. I teased the bottom of one of her pigtails. “Maybe I can do your hair for you in the morning. Would you like that?”
“Yes,” she replied sweetly.
“I’ll be up in a few minutes to tuck you in,” Daddy said.
“Okay.”
She went into the house and again, I heard her running up the steps. Again, Daddy yelled out at her and then we both laughed.
Daddy rubbed his hand across his face and exhaled. “She’s a handful, I tell you.”
“You seem like you’re doing a good job. She’s an extremely happy child.”
“I never thought I’d find myself sharing custody of a child.”
“Not even me?” He ignored the question so I continued, “Daddy, I understand that whatever went down with you and Momma was ugly and unrectifiable, but why didn’t you fight to see me? I would have loved to spend time with you. I had you for fifteen years of my life and then you just vanished.”
“It wasn’t like that,” he said swiftly. “There are a lot of things you don’t know and can’t know.”
“Why can’t I know them now? I’m a grown woman.”
“It’s best to let sleeping dogs lie.” He paused and said, “Jonquinette, it’s not that I’m not excited about you showing up here, but why now? After all this time? I had completely given up hope.”
I thought about Dr. Spencer and said, “Someone suggested I come visit you.”
He seemed staggered. “Surely, it couldn’t have been your mother. I’ve been writing her for years, too. I got one letter back telling me to burn in hell and that she couldn’t wait to dance on my grave and that was it.”
“Momma was heated,” I said. “But she still shouldn’t have said something that malicious.” I took over Flower’s job and pushed us off. “I didn’t know you had written her letters. She’s never mentioned it.”
“Hmph, why would she? She hates me.”
“How do you feel about her?” I pried.
“Oh, I will always love your mother. I’ll admit that our marriage went through its ups and downs but I expected to be with her forever. Until that sorry-ass bitch showed up on Thanksgiving Day and ruined everything.”
“What about the child she was pregnant with?” I asked.
He raised his voice. “There was no child. I never slept with that woman. In fact, I’d never even laid eyes on her. I tried to find her though, afterward, but after searching every street corner in the hooker district, I gave up. Besides, the damage had already been done and your mother wasn’t trying to hear any kind of explanation. Not that I needed to justify my actions, because I hadn’t done anything.”
Something about the way he talked made him seem like an innocent man. “Daddy, do you swear it wasn’t true?”
“I swear,” he said. “I’m not a perfect man, Jonquinette, but that I did not do. I never cheated on your mother and I’ve only been with one woman since. Allison was more of a release than anything else but I’m glad I have Flower. She gives me a basis to live.” He got up off the swing. “I’m going to go tuck her in. I’ll be back.”
“Can I do it?” I asked.
He chuckled. “You sure?”
“Yeah, if you don’t mind.”
He waved me toward the house. “Be my guest but I have to warn you, she expects to be read to before she falls asleep.”