Alcohol and drugs were not for me so I turned to the next best thing to relieve stress and make me forget everything: exercise. I dug through my closet for my favorite pair of running shoes, found my portable CD player in an old duffel bag, threw on some biker shorts and a sports bra tank top and headed out into the cool, late-September air.
I left my apartment around eleven and didn’t return until close to one. It’s amazing how the body can snap back after a period of slacking off. When I hit the wall, my top pace, the air kicking in and out of my lungs felt incredible. I could feel all the impurities leaving my body through my sweat and I felt so much better, even though my life was still in shambles.
As I was sitting down on the stoop to dig my key out of my sock, I saw Mason pulling into the parking lot. Instead of cutting his engine, he just sat behind the wheel and glared at me. When I’d first spotted his car, I was excited and hopeful that he could cheer me up after the encounter with Darnetta. But, from the way he was looking at me, I realized what Darnetta had meant when she said my shit was just as raggedy as hers. Mason knew about Logan and me. Darnetta was just a battle. Mason and I were about to have a war.
While I could have waited for him to get out so we could have it out on the front steps of our building or even worse, inside, where all the neighbors would surely hear us, I chose to face the music inside his car.
I walked over to his convertible Mustang and luckily, he had the top down so I didn’t have to tap on the window to gain entry. I reached over the passenger side door, unlocked it, and climbed in without an invitation.
“We need to talk,” I said.
He glowered at me. “Don’t you think you said enough last night?”
I almost choked on my breath. “Last night?”
“Yeah, last night.” He didn’t say anything else for a moment. He turned up the radio and started flipping stations until he came across “She’s Out of My Life” by Michael Jackson. He laughed and said, “How appropriate.”
I turned off the radio. “Mason, I need you to listen to me carefully.”
“Oh, Jonquinette, I think I’ve heard quite enough. First, from you last night and this morning from Logan.” He took his seat belt off and finally cut the engine. “I went over to his place and confronted him after you told me all about it.”
“I told you all about it?”
He glimpsed at me with disdain. “Yes, after you told me all about it sometime between admitting that you were a whore and stating that you just wanted to fuck me and get it over with.”
I slid down farther in the seat and tried to mask my eyes with my right hand.
“Oh, that’s right,” Mason added. “You’re not just a whore. How did you put it? You’re not just a common whore, but you’re a major whore. Did I say it right?”
I shrugged. I hadn’t a clue what Jude had said.
“Respond to me, dammit,” Mason demanded. “You got into my car and said we needed to talk, so talk.”
I had absolutely nothing to lose so I decided to tell Mason the truth.
“What I’m about to say is going to sound crazy, probably because it is.”
“Everything you said last night was crazy.”
“Last night, I didn’t say anything.”
Mason pondered over my statement in silence.
“Mason, the person you spoke with last night wasn’t me.”
“That’s the most ridiculous pile of shit I’ve ever heard!”
“I’m very serious. I’m going to say what I have to say and then I’m going to leave you alone. I’m only confessing to all of this because I don’t want you to misconstrue my actual feelings or think you did something to make me act as I have.”
Mason sighed. “Okay, say your peace.”
“I’ve never been with a man before in my entire life. I’ve never had sex. Not with Logan or anyone else.”
He chuckled. “All right, whatever.”
“All these years, I knew something was wrong with me but I never wanted to face facts. They started when I was just a child.”
“What started?”
“The blackouts.”
“Blackouts? You can’t be serious.”
“I’m dead serious. I have these episodes when I lose chunks of time—sometimes large ones but mostly smaller ones.”
“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” he asked in dismay.
“I have a multiple personality disorder, Mason. Whatever transpired last night was between you and Jude, not you and me.”
“Jude?”
“Yes, that’s what she apparently calls herself.” I laughed nervously. “I’ve never met her but I heard it through the grapevine.”
“Hmph, well, I met her.”
I sat up in the car seat. “So you do believe me?”
“I believe that you weren’t yourself last night. I won’t go as far as to say that you were a different person. I’ve seen that sort of thing in movies but never in real life.”
“Well, it’s not as uncommon as you might think. Last week, I searched the internet and there are thousands of websites dedicated to the topic. I even read some testimonials from other people who have the disorder.”
Mason cleared his throat. “This is incredible.”
“There was even this one woman who had more than forty personalities who spanned in age from infancy to the elderly, both male and female.”
“Say I buy into this, Jonquinette. What can you do about it? Do you need to be in some sort of hospital?” he asked.
“Goodness, I hope that I don’t need to be hospitalized. I am seeing a doctor. She’s as sweet as can be.”
“Well, that’s a positive sign, right? The fact that you sought help?”
“Yes, it’s positive. I only wish I’d done it years ago.”
“So she’s treating you?” Mason inquired.
“She’s a psychiatrist so thus far, we’ve just done a lot of talking. I just found out that she met Jude during one of my sessions. Jude came out because she was pissed off about my trying to bring my daddy back into my life.”
“Then your daddy knows?”
“I told him.” I shifted in the bucket seat. “However, he already knew something was wrong. He always has. My mother just never wanted to hear about it or accept it.”
“But she accepts it now?”
I shook my head. “She doesn’t know about the latest developments, but I plan to tell her the first chance I get.” I stared at Mason, who was sitting there looking into space. “I just want to thank you.”
“For what?”
“For at least listening to me and hopefully, for not judging me.”
“I have to confess. Last night threw me for a total loop, especially when you, I mean Jude, told me about what happened with Logan at the wedding. But—”
“But what?” I asked.
“Even though you were acting raunchy and told me about fucking everything that moved, it was strange because I still wanted to be with you. It went against everything I’ve ever believed in, but I still craved you.”
I blushed uncontrollably. “Really?”
He took my hand and kissed it. “Really.” He leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. “Now that we’ve discussed this, I don’t want you to have to go through this alone.”
“I’ll have my parents.”
“Yeah, but you’ll also have me.”
We sat there in Mason’s car for a good while and I started telling him about all the childhood memories, or lack thereof, that I had. He was mesmerized and so was I. To think that he was still talking to me after what Jude had done was all I needed to know to make a final decision. Mason was the man for me. The only man for me.