I wasn’t sure how to respond. It had been two days since the police came to Dan’s apartment and explained everything to me, offering their assurances that Gordon Baxter was probably gone. And there had been no sign of him at Dan’s apartment or mine. Nor in Reston Point, where Beth lived. No one had seen or heard from him. Neal’s wounds were healing, and he too would soon be released from the hospital. Gordon Baxter faced a murder charge as well as two attempted murder charges. Why would he stay? And if he did, what could any of us give him?
“Ronnie, are you sure you don’t remember that man coming into your room and giving you some pills?” I asked.
“I don’t, “he said. “I don’t remember any of that day.”
“It’s okay Ronnie. And it’s safe,” I said. I mostly believed it. “The police are going to arrest that man. And we’ll be careful. I promise.”
“And you can come visit my house anytime you want,” Paul said. “We still need to take that fishing trip, right?”
Ronnie looked slightly relieved. Some of the nervousness left his eyes.
I hoped I was managing to hide the nervousness that remained in mine.
Mom’s house felt less haunted by her memory when we all arrived. I didn’t know whether it was because enough time had passed since I had been there or because I was going with Ronnie and Paul. Did our small little group bring comfort and ward off the bad memories? Would it be a different story in the middle of the night when I was staring at the ceiling cracks at three a.m.?
Ronnie was the calmest of the three of us. He went right to his room and checked all his drawers as well as the closet. He pulled the photo of Mom with Beth’s grandchildren out of his bag and put it back on the shelf. Satisfied that everything was in place, he stretched out on the bed and picked up one of his crossword puzzle books and a pencil. When I checked on him again, his eyelids looked heavy and his chin was sinking down to his chest.
“Tired?” I asked.
“Yes,” he said.
“You can take a nap,” I said. “You probably didn’t sleep much in the hospital.”
“I didn’t.”
“Can I ask you something, Ronnie?”
“Sure.”
Maybe now wasn’t the right time, but I wanted an answer.
“Why did you confess to killing Mom? Why did you say that, when it wasn’t true?”
He took a long time to answer. I thought he might not say anything. Finally he spoke. “I felt bad. I did hurt her by not listening to her. I wasn’t as good as I should have been. I wasn’t as patient. And I wanted the police to go away and leave me alone.”
“You felt guilty even though you weren’t.”
He nodded.
“Paul told me something once,” I said. “He told me that Mom knew I loved her no matter how we were getting along. That’s true of you too.”
He looked at me, his eyelids heavy. “Thanks, sis.”
“I’m glad you’re home,” I said.
His eyes closed all the way. I left the door slightly ajar and went out to the living room to talk with Paul. He was sitting on the edge of the couch holding a glass of water. His legs were crossed, his foot bouncing in the air like a man waiting for a delayed flight.
He started to stand when I came into the room.
“Where are you going?” I asked.
He set the water on the coffee table. “I thought I’d let you two get settled,” he said. “I’m sure you’re both tired.”
“I am tired. But it’s nice having you around.”
He nodded, his face blank.
“Are you okay?” I asked. “Is it difficult for you to be in the house?”
“It’s weird,” he said. “I associate this place so closely with Leslie. With everything that happened, really.”
“I know.”
“Can I convince you to come to my house?” he asked. “There’s room. We can work something out.”
“Do you think it’s dangerous here?” I asked. “Really?”
“I’ve been thinking about it a lot. Gordon Baxter is capable of anything. I don’t know that my house is safer than anyplace else.”
“Do you think he’d hurt you?” I asked.
“I think he might want to hurt anyone associated with the past. Anyone who knows who he really is.”
“I’m going to try to stay,” I said. “The detectives promised extra patrols. I’ll call 911 if I hear anything strange. A howling cat. A scraping branch.”
“Would your friend come over? Dan?”
The question brought me up short. I had enough complications in my life. Enough relationships in need of attention. “He would,” I said. “But I don’t think I want him to.”
“Why not? He seems so nice. So steady.”
“I know. But I’ve got enough here. My plate is full.” I left it at that, and Paul let it drop. I shifted gears. “Beth is coming over in a little bit. You’ll get to see her.”
“Yeah?” His voice sounded distant.
“Thirty-seven years,” I said. “Crazy.”
“Yes,” he said. His eyes glazed a bit, as though seeing something from the past. “A lifetime.” He snapped out of it. “How was it with the two of you? Is she… okay?”
“Are you asking me that because you said she might be disturbed? You called her a liar.”
“I worry about people’s motivations. What might have happened to her over all that time.”
“The police hinted at the same things.”
“Then it’s worth heeding their advice, isn’t it?”
He was right, of course. I didn’t know anything about her. I didn’t know what I was getting into. I knew I might end up looking like a fool.
And yet…
“I understand,” I said. “But all I can think of is Mom.”
“You mean she would have wanted this?”
“Yes. That. And that I said no to her. I pushed her away. I pushed her away when she needed me. And Ronnie… I don’t want to do that again.”
Paul fidgeted a little, but seemed to understand. He pressed his lips together into a tight line and scratched his chin. He seemed to be leading up to a pronouncement.
“I think I’m going to let you all get acclimated first. Is it overwhelming for Beth? All of this craziness?”
“I’m sure it is. But she’s held it together pretty well. She seems tough.”
“Well,” he said. “I can see her another time. I think the three of you need to get to know each other. I know Beth. The three of you don’t know each other at all. I think it’s important that you do. And you and Ronnie have to get used to this new life you’re going to be living. It’s a different phase for both of you. You know… Leslie would have liked this. She would have liked this very much.”
Something caught in my throat. I closed my eyes, letting it pass. “I know,” I said. “I feel like we’re driving you out.”
“Not at all,” he said. He looked around the house, taking in the door, the walls, the windows. “Do me a favor? Lock the door after me.”
“You don’t even need to ask.”
Chapter Fifty-eight
I woke up in the chair. The sun was down, the house quiet. I had fallen asleep without any lights on, and the whole place was dark. Only an ambient glow leaked through the windows from the streetlights.
I listened. I didn’t hear anything. I reached up and turned on the lamp next to me. My back and neck were stiff from the awkward sleeping position. I was hungry too.
I walked down the hallway, stopping at the door to Ronnie’s room. I saw no signs of light or life. The door remained ajar, just as I had left it. I gently pushed it open. Ronnie was still in bed, the covers pulled up to his chin. His chest rose and fell. He was worn out. I looked at the large digital clock by his bedside. It was almost seven. I’d slept for an hour and a half.