“So are you and Cain...?” What the hell was I asking? Were they what? Fuck. I didn’t want to hear this.
“We are friends, Rush. We have been all our life. My feelings about him haven’t changed.”
I eased my grip on the steering wheel and ran one of my sweaty palms on my jeans. Damn, she drove me crazy. If I was going to ease her back into being comfortable with me I needed to calm down. That was going to start with me not beating the shit outta Cain when I saw him.
Before I could say anything else Blaire leaned forward and turned on the radio. She found a country station on my satellite radio and then leaned back in her seat and closed her eyes. I had pried too much. She was politely asking me to shut up. I could take the hint.
Thirty minutes of silence passed before my phone rang. Nan’s name appeared on the screen in my dash. Damn iPhone was programmed to my car. Normally that came in handy and made things hands free. But having Blaire see Nan’s name wasn’t cool. I hadn’t wanted a reminder. My plan was to make this day reminder free. I clicked ignore and the radio started playing again.
I didn’t look over at Blaire but I felt her eyes on me. It was real hard not to meet her gaze.
“You could have talked to her. She’s your sister,” Blaire said so softly I almost missed it over the music.
“She is. But she represents things I don’t want you thinking about today.”
Blaire didn’t stop looking at me. It was taking all my strength to keep this casual. Jerking the car over and grabbing her face and telling her how important she was and how much I loved her wasn’t what she needed right now.
“I’m better, Rush. I’ve had time to take everything in. Deal with it. I’ll see Nan at the club. I’m prepared for that. You’re helping me today. You could be doing anything else but you chose to take the day to help me. I don’t want to keep you from taking phone calls from people you care about. I won’t break.”
Fuck. So much for keeping this casual and easy. I pulled over onto the side of the road and slammed the Rover into park. I kept my hands to myself but I gave my full attention to Blaire. “I chose to take you today because there is nothing I’d rather do than be near you. I’m driving you because I’m a desperate man who will take whatever the hell he can get when it comes to you.” I broke down and reached over to run my thumb over her cheekbone then into the silky hair I’d been fascinated with since I’d first laid eyes on her. “I will do anything. Anything, Blaire, just to be near you. I can’t think about anything else. I can’t focus on anything. So never think you’re inconveniencing me. You need me, I’m there.” I stopped. I sounded pathetic even to my own ears. Dropping my hand from her head I shifted the Rover into gear and pulled back onto the road.
Blaire didn’t say anything. I didn’t blame her. I’d sounded like a crazy man. She was probably scared of me now. Hell, I would be.
Blaire
My heart was beating so hard I was sure he could hear it. This had been a bad idea. Being near him was so confusing. It was easy to forget who he was. Having him touch me, even if it was just my face, made me feel like crying. I wanted more than that. I missed him. Everything about him and I’d be lying if the idea of being this close to him all day hadn’t kept me up most of the night.
Rush turned the radio back up when I didn’t say anything. I should say something after that but what? How did I respond to that without just causing us both more pain? Telling him I missed him and I wanted him wouldn’t make this easier. It would just be harder.
This time when the phone rang the computer looking screen in his car flashed the name “Grant.” Rush pressed some button and then picked up his cell phone.
“Hey,” he said into the phone. I chanced a glance over at him since his focus was no longer on me. The hard frown lines in his face made me sad. I didn’t want them there.
“Yeah. We’re on our way,” he replied into the phone. “Don’t think that’s a good idea. I’ll call you when I’m back.” His jaw clenched and I knew whatever Grant was saying was making him mad. “I said no,” he growled and ended the call before tossing it into his cup holder.
“You okay?” I asked before I could think that through.
He jerked his head over to look at me. It was as if he was startled that I was talking to him. “Uh, yeah. I’m fine,” he replied in a much calmer tone then turned his eyes back on the road.
I waited a few minutes then decided to say something about what he’d said to me. If I didn’t start talking about this with him we would always have this awkward silence between us. Even if I left in four months and never saw him again… No, I’d see him again. I would have to, wouldn’t I? Could I really never tell him about this baby? I pushed that back. I hadn’t even been to the doctor yet. I’d cross that bridge when we got to it. Even if I had thrown up again this morning when I’d opened the trash compactor and gotten a whiff of the left over fried fish Jace had tossed last night. I wasn’t normally so sensitive. The hot ginger tea I’d been drinking when Rush picked me up had helped ease my stomach. I could pretend like that pregnancy test was wrong or face the truth.
“About what you said. I, uh, I don’t really know how to respond to that. I mean, I know how I feel and how I wish things were different but they aren’t. I want us to… I want us to find a way to be friends… maybe. I don’t know. That sounds so lame. After everything,” I stopped because my attempt at talking to him about this was sounding like a rambling mess. How could we be friends? That had been how all this started and here I was in love with and pregnant by a man I could not build a future with.
“I’ll be whatever you allow me to be, Blaire. Just don’t shut me out again. Please.”
I nodded. Okay. I’d give this friends thing time. Then… then I would tell him about the baby. He was either going to run like hell or want to be a part of our baby’s life. Either way I needed time to prepare. Because I would not let my child have anything to do with his family, ever. It was out of the question. I hated liars… but I was about to become one for awhile. This time it was me that had a secret to keep.
“Okay,” I replied but didn’t say more. My eyes were growing heavy and the lack of sleep from last night and the fact I couldn’t drink caffeine to wake me up was getting to me. I closed my eyes.
“Easy, sweet Blaire. Your head is falling over and you’re gonna have one helluva cramp in your neck. I’m just laying your seat back.” A deep warm whisper tickled my ear and I shivered. I turned toward it but I was still so sleepy I couldn’t wake up completely. Something soft brushed my lips then I fell back into my dreams.
“You need to wake up, sleepyhead. I’m here but I have no idea where to go,” Rush’s voice accompanied by his hand gently squeezing my arm woke me. I rubbed my eyes and opened them. I was laying back. I looked over at Rush and he smiled.
“I couldn’t let you jack up your neck. Besides, you were sleeping so hard I wanted you to be comfortable.” He unbuckled and reached across me to fiddle with a button on the side of my seat. It slowly eased back up and I could see the one traffic light in Sumit, Alabama in front of me.
“I’m so sorry. I slept the whole way. That had to be a boring ride.”
“I got to control the radio so it wasn’t a bust,” Rush replied with a smirk and then looked back at the traffic light. “Where do I go from here?”
“Straight until you see the large wooden sign that is painted red and says “Fresh Produce and Firewood for Sale” and then take a left. It’ll be the third house on the right but it’s about a mile and a half down that road. The road will turn into gravel after about a quarter mile.”