Rush followed my directions and we didn’t say much. I was still waking up and my stomach was feeling queasy. I hadn’t eaten yet and I knew that was the problem. I had saltine crackers in my purse that Bethy had given me but popping one of those in my mouth in front of Rush was a bad idea. Saltines were a major giveaway.
By the time we pulled into Granny Q’s driveway I had broken into a cold sweat. I was going to be sick if I didn’t eat something. I opened the door to get out before Rush could see my face. I was probably green or pale at the very least.
“You want me to go with you or is it best if I stay here?” he asked.
“Oh, um… maybe you should stay here,” I replied. Cain’s truck was here so that meant he probably was too. I didn’t want Rush and Cain getting into any more fights. I also didn’t trust Cain to keep his mouth shut about the pregnancy tests. I closed the car door and headed for the house.
Cain opened the screen door and stepped outside before I even made it to the bottom step. His face was a mixture of worry and anger. “Why’s he here? He brought you home, now he can leave,” Cain snarled, looking past me toward Rush. Yeah, it was a real good idea for Rush to stay in the car. My stomach rolled and I fought back the nausea.
“Because he’s giving me a ride back. Calm down, Cain. You have no fight with him. You’re my friend. He’s my friend. Let’s you and I take this inside. I need to get my things.”
Cain stepped back and let me pass him then he followed me inside letting the screen slam shut behind him.
“What do you mean you’re going back with him? That test come back positive? You running back to him now even though he broke your heart so bad you came here three weeks ago a mess? I’ll take care of you Blaire. You know that.”
I held up my hands to stop him. “This isn’t about me being pregnant, Cain. He is a friend who gave me a ride. Yes, we were more before… things happened but now we’re not. I’m not running to him. I am getting my job back in Rosemary and living with Bethy for a while. Then I’ll go somewhere else and start over. I just can’t keep staying here.”
“Why can’t you stay here? Hell Blaire, I’ll marry you today. No questions asked. I love you. More than life. You gotta know that. I messed up when we were younger and that thing with Callie, she don’t mean nothin’. She’s just a girl who distracts me. You’re all I want. I’ve been telling you that for years. Please listen to me,” he was begged.
“Cain, stop this. You’re my friend. What we had died a long time ago. I walked in on you doing things to another girl you shouldn’t have been. That night everything changed. I love you but I am not in love with you and I never will be again. I need to pack and I need to move on with my life.”
Cain slammed his hand against the wall. “Don’t say that! It isn’t over. You can’t just run off on your own. It isn’t safe!” He paused. “Are you pregnant?” he asked.
I didn’t answer. Instead, I walked back to the room I’d been staying in while I was here and started packing my suitcase. “You are,” he said, following me into the room.
I didn’t respond. I just focused on my things. “Does he know? Is the rock star’s son gonna take responsibility? He’s lying, B. The baby will get here and he will run. He won’t be able to handle it. A baby doesn’t fit into his life. You know that. Hell, the world knows that. He might as well be a rock star himself. I saw his beach house. That ain’t someone that’ll be there when things get tough. They don’t stick it out. I may have screwed up but I won’t run. I’ll always be here.”
I spun around. “He doesn’t know, okay. I’m not sure I’ll even tell him. I don’t want someone to save me. I can do this. I’m not helpless.”
He started to open his mouth to argue when Granny Q walked into the room. I hadn’t realized she was here.
“Stop begging her, Cain. You done made your bed boy, go lie in it. She moved on. Her heart has moved on. She’s done shown us all she can go to school and take care of her sick momma and herself.” She looked from Cain to me and a sad smile touched her lips.
“Breaks my heart that you got another hurdle like this to leap so young and this room is yours if you need it. But if you’re set on leaving then I bless that too. You just be safe.” She walked over and pulled me into a hug. “I love you like you’re my own. Always have,” she whispered into my hair.
Tears stung my eyes. “I love you too.”
She pulled back and sniffed. “You keep in touch,” she said and started to leave then glanced back at me. “Every man deserves to know he has a baby. Even if’n he ain’tgonna be a part of its life he needs to know about it. You just keep that in mind.”
She walked out of the room leaving Cain and I alone again. I put the last of my things in my suitcase and zipped it shut. Grabbing the handle, I picked it up. My nausea had gotten worse. I covered my mouth with one hand.
“Shit, B. You can’t do that. Give it to me. You’re not supposed to pick up heavy stuff. See, you can’t do this. Who isgonna make sure you take care or yourself?”
The best friend I’d had all my life was back and the crazy boy who thought he was in love and ready to sacrifice his life was gone. “I told Bethy. She knows and I’m careful. I wasn’t thinking. This is all new for me. And I think I’m gonna be sick.”
“What can I do?” he asked with a panicked look on his face.
“Crackers would help.”
He set the suitcase down and ran out of the room to get me crackers. He was back in less than a minute with a box of saltines and a glass. “Granny Q heard you. She already had the box out and a glass of ginger ale poured. She said the ale would soothe your stomach.”
“Thank you,” I replied and sat down on the bed to eat a cracker and sip on the ginger ale. Neither of us spoke. My nausea began to ease away and I had learned from experience to stop eating then. Too much and I’d be seeing it again very soon. Standing up, I handed the box and glass back to Cain.
“Just put it down. I’ll get it later.” He picked up my suitcase. “Give me that box too. You can’t carry it,” he said picking up the box of things I hadn’t unpacked from my last move. I pulled the last small bag up on my arm and he started for the door without another word. I followed him praying he didn’t do something stupid when he saw Rush.
We got to the screen door leading out onto the front porch and he stopped.Putting the suitcase down he turned back to look at me.
“You don’t have to go with him. I told you that I could fix this. You have me, B. You’ve always had me.”
Cain believed what he was saying. I could see it in his face. But I knew better. If I needed a friend, Cain would be there but he was no one’s savior. I didn’t need one anyway. I had myself.
I pulled my bag up higher on my shoulder and thought carefully about how to explain this to him one more time. I’d tried everything. He wouldn’t understand the truth. Bringing up how he had failed me when my mom was sick and I was so alone would only hurt him. “I need to do this.”
Cain let out a frustrated growl and ran his hand through his hair. “You don’t trust me to take care of you. That hurts so damn much.” He let out a defeated laugh. “But then why should you? I let you down before. With your mom… I was a kid, B. How many times do I have to tell you that things are different now? I know what I want. I… God, B, I want you. It’s always been you.”
A lump formed in my throat. Not because I loved him but because I did care for him. Cain was a big part of my life. He had been for as long as I could remember. I closed the distance between us and reached out for his hand. “Please, understand. This is something I have to do. I have to face this. Let me go.”
Cain let out a weary sigh. “I’m always letting you go, B. You’ve asked that of me before. I keep trying but it’s slowly destroying me.”