The only thing you’ll get is a massive brain cramp.ANTHONY J. D’ANGELO, in The College Blue Book (1995)
Never, never trust anyone who asks for white wine.
It means they’re phonies.BETTE DAVIS, in a 1983 Parade magazine interview
Never, ever take Remembrance of Things Past,
War and Peace, or The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire
on a summer vacation.MICHAEL DIRDA, in Book by Book:
Notes on Reading and Life (2006)
This was the last and, according to the author, the “most important” of eight tips about summer vacation reading. Dirda, a noted bibliophile and Pulitzer Prize–winning columnist for the Washington Post Book World, added about these literary classics: “Upon these three rocks have foundered some of the best vacation readers of our time.”
After I won the Olympics, my mom used to tell me,
“Always believe in yourself—but never, ever believe your own PR.”PEGGY FLEMING
When you’re talking with your lover on the phone, never, never, never,
interrupt your conversation to answer another call via Call Waiting.GREGORY J. P. GODEK
This comes from Godek’s 1999 bestseller 1001 Ways to Be Romantic. The book also contained a number of other multiple neverisms. Here are a half dozen of my favorites:
Never, never, never joke about her PMS.
Never, never, never give her practical gifts.
Never, never, never embarrass him in public.
Never, never, never withhold sex to punish him.
Never, never, never say “Yes, dear” just to appease her.
Never, never, never refer to your wife as “My Old Lady.”
Never, never, never go to class unprepared.
That is like a carpenter showing up for work without his tools.ROBERT A. GRAGER, in “A Principal’s Advice to
a New Teacher,” quoted by Harvey Mackay
in his 1990 book Beware the Naked Man
Who Offers You His Shirt
Never, never assume you are fortune’s darling.MAX GUNTHER, in The Luck Factor (1977)
Gunther’s book was subtitled Why Some People Are Luckier Than Others and How You Can Become One of Them. He went on to write: “Just when life is at its best and brightest, just when you seem to be lifted up and nourished and protected by unassailable good luck—that is when you are most vulnerable to bad luck.”
Never wear a man’s tie. Never, never, never.BETTY LEHAN HARRAGAN
Harragan offered this in her 1977 book Games Mother Never Taught You. She added: “A man’s tie is a penis symbol. No woman with any self-respect wants to walk around advertising ‘I’m pretending I have a penis.’ ”
Never, ever wear trendy, complicated shoes.CYNTHIA HEIMEL, in Sex Tips for Girls (1983)
Heimel added: “Eschew shoes riddled with silver studs, plastic bows, silver ribbons, or anything even remotely adorable.”
Never, ever make a spectacle of yourself.AUDREY HEPBURN, recalling a
rule of life from her mother
Never, ever look at the deductions on your pay stub.
It will only depress you.BOB HERBERT, in a 1989 article in New York Magazine
Never, ever, get involved with a straight woman.LINDA HILL, in her 1996 novel Never Say Never
This admonition, ignored by the novel’s protagonist as the story unfolds, is provocatively previewed in the flap copy of the book: “Computer analyst, Leslie Howard, knows all too well that the fastest way to a broken heart is to ignore Lesbian Dating Rule Number One: ‘Never, ever, get involved with a straight woman.’ ” In Cameron Abbott’s An Inexpressible State of Grace (2004), the rule—expressed in exactly the same way—is called “The Lesbian Prime Directive.”
Never, ever buy clothes you intend to slim into
or—oh, the possibility of it—gain weight to fill.KAREN HOMER, in Things a Woman
Should Know About Style (2003)
In her book, the British fashion journalist doubled-down on a few other admonitions:
Never, ever stick tissue paper in your bra.
Never, ever think you can get away with cheap shoes.
Grasp sartorial gems when you see them, and never, ever wait for the sale.
Never, never rest contented with any circle of ideas,
but always be certain that a wider one is still possible.RICHARD JEFFERIES, in The Story of My Heart (1883)
Jefferies was a popular nature writer with a strong mystical streak. The Story of My Heart was an autobiographical account of his spiritual awakening and of how he learned to live in the present moment, which he called “The eternal Now.” A number of quotation anthologies and websites mistakenly attribute this quote to the African-American entertainer Pearl Bailey.
Take this for a golden rule through life—
Never, never have a friend that’s poorer than yourself.DOUGLAS JERROLD
Never ever let your children see you as a
broken down victim of their manipulation and disobedience.MATTHEW A. JOHNSON
In his Positive Parenting with a Plan (2002), Dr. Johnson added, “Rather, muster up enough strength, courage, and wisdom to save your tears for a private moment or leave your home and visit with a friend, counselor, or clergy.”
Make sure you never, never argue at night.
You just lose a good night’s sleep,
and you can’t settle anything until morning anyway.ROSE FITZGERALD KENNEDY
In a 1983 issue of Parade magazine, Mrs. Kennedy said she gave this advice to the first of her granddaughters to marry. Her observation is related to a popular American saying of undetermined origin: “Never let the sun go down on an argument.”
Never ever ever go to see the boss about a problem
without bringing along a proposed solution.WALTER KIECHEL III, in a 1984 BusinessWeek article
in which he added, “Better yet, three solutions.”
Never, never be afraid to do what’s right,
especially if the well-being of a person or animal is at stake.MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
This is one of Dr. King’s most frequently quoted thoughts, but I have been unable to find an original source. He added: “Society’s punishments are small compared to the wounds we inflict on our soul when we look the other way.”