“I’ll call you,” I said.
He nodded, and he turned, and he went.
When I got back home, Peggy was watching television. I settled down on the sofa next to her. When the commercials came on, she spoke to me. “Your Dad all right?”
“I think so.”
“Did you have steak?”
I realised I hadn’t eaten all evening. I wasn’t hungry. “Yes,” I said.
We watched the programme together. And I suddenly felt a rage inside me, that this was what our lives had become, that the love I knew we still had for each other had become so passionless. There was a time we could barely keep our hands to ourselves, and now—this, just this. And I wasn’t sure whether the rage was at her, or at myself. And then it passed.
I took her hand. She held on to it happily enough.
A few minutes later, I raised her hand to my lips. She let me do so. It was a dead weight. It had no will of its own. I kissed it gently. I put the hand back.
I waited until the commercial break. And then I raised her hand to my lips again. But this time I took her thumb inside my mouth. And it filled my mouth. I had never realised how large my wife’s thumb was.
At last I released her. And I lowered her hand gently back to her side. She didn’t say a word, she seemed a world away, a world of washing powder and furniture discount sales.
The programme ended. “Shall we watch another?” I asked.
“No,” she said. “Let’s go to bed.” So we did.
BULB
Gemma Files
Dedicated to Stephen J. Barringer
Lucas Brennan 1:41 PM (4 hours ago)
to me ▼
Ian,
I wish you’d told me to listen to your recordings first, because I just wasted ninety fucking minutes on editing your intro script. There’s absolutely no way we can use this interview, Ian—this isn’t what we’re about, it isn’t what our listeners want, and it isn’t what we sold anyone on or what our advertisers want to be connected with! I hate being the heavy here, but you’ve put the rest of us in a truly bad position—I can either pull Jen and Oshi off the May 17 episode to try putting together a half-assed substitute or we can screw over our listeners with a rerun, and either way we’re almost certainly gonna lose audience clicks, which means we lose ad clicks which means we all lose revenue.
I’ll let you know which way we go. In the interim I’d do yourself a favour and stay off line for a day or two. I’m not the only person on the team who’s pissed about this.
--L.
Sent from my iPhone
Ian Dossimer Apr 20 (1 day ago)
to Lucas ▼
Hey Luke,
I’ve enclosed the first whack at the intro script for the May 3 episode. Sorry it’s a little late but I think we’ve still got time, especially given how little editing I think the interview portion’s going to need. Text me or call me with any questions!—Doss
“GRIDLOST” -- EPISODE 22 MAY 3 2018
Proposed Title: “Leaving the Light Behind”
Intro Script
Good morning, afternoon or evening, everybody, whenever you’re listening. I’m your host Ian Dossimer and welcome to another episode of “GridLost”, the podcast where we interview the new pioneers of the 21st century, people looking for ways to build themselves a space of privacy and safety in an increasingly technology-polluted world. We’ve got something of exceptional interest today, so I hope everybody has time to sit down and listen straight through, because, I can promise you, this story isn’t like anything you’ve heard on “GridLost” before. It isn’t like anything we’ve done on “GridLost” before.
The first and most important thing I have to tell you today is about our guest. Because her name is... not something we know, in fact. That’s right, for the first time in our show’s history we’re conducting an anonymous interview. The only contact information I have for this woman is an Internet forum handle and a phone number that I was assured belongs to a burner phone she plans to discard pretty much the moment she hangs up on us. Some of our more devoted fans may recognize this handle if they frequent the right websites: she goes by the alias “Harmony6893”, and she’s posted on Prepperforums.net and Survivalistboards.com, among others.
If you do recognize that alias, you’ll also probably know why this is something of a coup for us: unlike a lot of our subjects, Harmony6893 hasn’t just disconnected from the central North American power network, she has (so she claims) completely abandoned the use of any kind of electrical technology or telecommunications device. She has no cable, no Wi-Fi, no smartphone, no solar panels, batteries or wind turbines, not even an emergency generator—in fact, she only posts to the Net every two weeks when she visits a not-exactly-nearby town to use their Internet cafe. More controversially, some say dangerously, she’s doing this all completely alone; she has no family or housemates in her property, wherever it is. If there is an ultimate off-the-grid story, this woman is it.
The next thing I have to warn you about is the nature of Harmony6893’s story. As you’ll know from our other episodes, the reasons people choose to unplug are as varied as the people themselves. Some want to recapture a childhood that modern technology is destroying, some are preparing for an EMP attack or any of half a dozen other kinds of disaster, some want to help bring about political decentralization by creating the infrastructure for social decentralization. But in my first phone call, when I asked Harmony6893 to explain the reasons for her self-imposed isolation, she told me that it wasn’t any of that. Rather it was something utterly unique to her, something she was utterly sure nobody else would understand or believe. And after listening to what she has to say… well, I’m not sure she’s wrong. But I do think it’s something that our listeners deserve the chance to make up their own minds about.
Harmony is, in fact, so cautious that during our interview, she was obviously using some sort of commercial sound distorter on her phone to disguise her voice—just to explain why it sounds so odd. Please don’t blame our tech guys! Without further ado, then, let us introduce you… to Harmony6893.
harmony-interview-apr-18.mp3
INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT
Q: I. DOSSIMER, “GRIDLOST”, 2018-04-18
A: “HARMONY6893”
Q: I want to thank you again for being willing to take the time to do this.
A: (PAUSE) “Willing” might be a strong word. “Attack of conscience” is probably more accurate.
Q: Well, that sounds ominous.
A: If you’re not going to take this seriously, I’m hanging up.
Q: No, yes, of course, you’re right, I do apologize. Let’s begin with the standard introduction: So… you’re currently known only as Harmony6893 on a number of Internet forums.
A: You already know that.
Q: And your real name is…?
A: None of your business.
Q: Well, that creates just a bit of a problem for us, especially in terms of, you know, fact-checking whatever it is you’re going to—
A: Mmm-hmh, yeah, I don’t care. If that’s some kind of deal-breaker for you, then I guess we’re…
Q: No, no, it’s okay, it’s all right! How would you prefer we refer to you, then?
A: Um. (PAUSES) Bronwyn, that’s always been a name I liked. Call me that.