"Fancy that. Very well then. Good job, Command er. I knew I could count on you to handle the situation."
"It's comforting to get the rare vote of confidence." He looked at her with a slightly quizzical air, but she suspected the puzzlement was feigned. He likely knew exactly what she was going to say. "Anything else?"
"You did it again," she said. "Developed a plan and weren't honest with me about it. I didn't gainsay you when you decided to feed our record of the conversation to the Nelkarites. I rationalized that that was simply dissemination of information regarding already existing planetary situations. But you only said you hoped that the citizens would bring pressure to bear. You didn't say anything about a governmental overthrow."
"I didn't plan it."
"Oh, didn't you?"
"No," he said quietly. "I didn't."
"But you hoped for it."
"I hoped that the people would do what was right."
"What you felt was right, you mean?"
He smiled thinly. "That depends, I suppose, on whether you consider right and wrong to be universal absolutes, or hinging on one's perspective."
"You could have saved her. Saved Laheera."
"Yes, I could have."
"I thought that's what you had planned as a backup, just in case matters did go over the top," said Shelby.
"Would you like a drink?"
"Don't change the subject, and yes."
He nodded, got up, and went over to the bar. He poured her a shot of synthehol and returned to the table, sliding it in front of her. She took it without comment and downed half the contents, then put the glass back on the table. "Well?"
"Well what?"
"Are you going to answer my question?"
"You didn't ask a question. You made a statement."
"I hate when you do this," she said, stabbing a finger at him. "I hate when you split hairs when you're in a discussion that makes you uncomfortable."
"You know me too well." He shifted in his chair, and then leaned forward. "I know you thought that was my backup plan. I let you think that. But I arranged with Burgoyne that, on my order, s/he would lock on to the origin point of the signal and beam up any non-Nelkarite life-forms."
"Leaving Laheera to face mob justice."
"At least it was some kind ofjustice," he shot back. "She committed crimes."
"We had no right to judge them."
"Wedidn't."
"Oh yes we did. Admit it, Mac. If we were in a similar situation, witnessing a violent governmental overthrow, and the person being overthrown was someone whose policies you agreed with, you wouldn't think twice about saving him or her. But with Laheera, you stood by and did nothing."
"Isn't that what the Prime Directive is all about?" he retorted. "Sitting around, doing nothing, tiptoeing around the galaxy and trying not to leave any footprints behind? I would have thought you'd be pleased with me, Elizabeth. I obeyed the Prime Directive."
"You obeyed the letter, but played fast and loose with the spirit. And dammit, you should have discussed it with me."
"I felt it would lead to an unnecessary argument."
"Maybe it would have led to a necessary argumemt." She leaned forward as well until they were almost nose to nose. "Level with me, Mac. Was her greatest crime that she murdered Hufmin and threatened the others? Or was it that she injured your pride? Called your bluff? Would you have let her live if you hadn't felt she made you look weak in front of the crew?"
He swirled the slight remains of his glass around in the bottom, and then said softly, "There has to be responsibility taken for actions. Thatis the galactic constant. There must be responsibility, and in this case, I forced it on Laheera."
"It wasn't your place to do so."
"Perhaps. Perhaps not. Sometimes you simply have to assess a situation and say, 'Dammit, it's me or no one.' And if you can't live with no one, then you have to take action."
"But . . ."
"Elizabeth . . . let me explain this with a visual aid."
She rolled her eyes. "Mac, don't patronize me."
"I'm not. I swear, I'm not. I just want to make a point." He picked up Shelby's glass and indicated the remaining contents. "Answer me: Half empty or half full?"
"Aw, Mac . . ."
"Half empty or half full?"
"All right," she sighed. "It's half—"
But before she could complete the sentence he tossed back the drink, then turned the empty glass over and put it on the table. And he said, "The correct answer is: It's gone. So why dwell on it?"
He handed her back the empty glass. She stared into it. "Thanks for the half a drink, Captain."
"My pleasure, Commander. We have to do this again sometime." He rose and said, "Have McHenry set course for the Kayven Ryinand take us there at warp four."
"Already done, sir. We're under way."
He blinked in surprise and glanced out the viewing port. Sure enough, the stars were hurtling past, space warping around them in a spiral of colors. "Ah. Nicely done."
"Clearly I'm going to have to read your mind, since you're being less than successful at communicating with me orally."
He nodded and started to walk past her, but she placed a hand on his chest, stopping him for a moment. "Mac," she said softly, "your self-reliance was always one of the things I lov—that I admired about you. It's probably your greatest strength. But you have to start trusting your officers. You have to start trusting me."
"I do trust you, Elizabeth."
"But you trust yourself more."
He shrugged. "What kind of captain would I be if I didn't?"
Shelby didn't hesitate. "The kind who would have saved Laheera."
For a long, long moment he was silent. Shelby was expecting some sort of smart-aleck reply, so she was surprised when he said, "Do you want to know what bothers me? Not this shadow dance or moralistic carping about justice versus compassion. Do you want to know what bothers me the most?"
"Sure."
He looked at her and there was something very terrible in those purple eyes. "I'm bothered that I turned off the screen. If I was going to refuse to save her, then I should have been strong enough to stand there and watch justice inflicted upon her. Instead I turned away. I let myself out. Oh, I tell myself that I was sparing my crew, but the truth is that I couldn't watch."
She wasn't entirely sure what to say. "Mac, I . . ."
"I used to be a strong man, Elizabeth. I keep this," and he traced the line of his scar, "to remind me of the man I was, because I was always concerned that life in Starfleet . . . life away from Xenex . . . would soften me. Would cause me to lose touch with my roots. And that's exactly what has happened. I made a threat, I was prepared to carry it out . . . and then I wavered. Then I carried out a plan that left a murdering bitch to her deserved reward . . . but could not watch. I've always told myself that I'm still M'k'n'zy of Calhoun, the barely contained savage wearing a cloak of civility. But what if, when you remove the cloak . . . there's nothing there?"
"Mac . . ." and she rested a hand on his shoulder. "You grew up at a time when compassion was a liability. A weakness. Now . . . now compassion can be your greatest strength. Don't be ashamed of it. Embrace it."
His reply was a grunt. "Let's agree to table this discussion, Commander."
"But—"
"No, Commander," he said in a tone that she had come to recognize. She knew there was no point in pursuing the matter as he continued, "Right now, my greater concern is Lieutenant Kebron and Ambassador Si Cwan. Let's hope their enforced time together at the Kayven Ryinwas enough to make them think more highly of one another."