James approaches our table, alone. He's on autopilot. "Thank you for coming. It means a lot to our family." Then he drops a bomb on me. "Luke said that he'll catch you later. He got a phone call and stepped outside. Thanks again for saying a few things today, Reagan. I know it would have meant a lot to Elliot."
I nod because my voice is caught in my throat. The phrase he used "catch you later" sounds exactly like Luke. What does it mean? Is he going to come back and talk to me in a minute? I can't. Not right now. I'm emotionally drained. I need sleep. I need to get out of here. Now.
Will asks to come in when we get back to my house but I just want to be alone for a while. I can tell that he's disappointed, but that's the least of my worries right now. I've been having flashbacks since Luke disappeared a few hours ago. Flashbacks of days I spent with Elliot and Luke when times were simpler and all we cared about was having fun. Nothing was complicated. Nothing else mattered but that moment. The future wasn't a concern for us. Things like college, falling in love and dying weren't even on our radar.
It feels like the two weeks Luke and I spent avoiding Elliot so that we could spend time together were a lifetime ago. The feelings I had for him then still feel very real though. Watching him today, move through the crowd, talking to people and comforting his parents, caused my heart to ache. Not just for Luke but for Elliot.
It aches for my friend whose life was cut too short, for Felicity who will never be the same because of the loss, for Elliot's family and for me. I meant what I said in my speech. He truly did make me a better person just because I knew him. He made me stronger. He pushed me to be the best I could be, to be who I wanted to be. He was the best kind of friend anyone could ask for. He was supportive.
I lay down on the couch and stare at the ceiling. My phone rings in my purse, but I'm too numb to get up and answer it. It rings again, but I still don't move. Whoever is trying to reach me gives up thankfully. An hour later there's a knock on the door. I contemplate ignoring that too, but my car is in the driveway. Whoever it is knows I'm here and probably won't give up.
I push myself off the couch and make my way to the door. I expect it to be Will, checking up on me. It could be Felicity's parent. I haven't heard from them at all today. What I don't expect is to see James standing on the other side of the door, still in his suit from the wake but dripping sweat.
"Hey. What are you up to?" He asks, out of breath, as he walks past me and into my kitchen. I follow him, still in shock that he's here and watch as he grabs a bottle of water from the fridge and down it.
"Nothing much. Why are you sweating?"
"I ran here."
"Why?"
"Luke wouldn't give me a ride." I close my eyes when I hear his name. "Reagan?" My eyes pop back open and James is staring at me with a concerned look on his face. I give him a hesitant smile, but he sees right through me. The devious grin that breaks out across his face is his tell. "How long have you been in love with Luke?"
"What? I don't know what you're talking about." I leave him standing in the kitchen and make my way to the back porch. He joins me a few minutes later, a beer in each hand. He's shed his suit jacket and his shirt is unbuttoned half way down. He reminds me of Elliot in so many ways and Luke in so many others. He hands me a beer and takes the seat next to me but doesn't say anything right away.
"Last week, a few days before the accident, Elliot and I were talking. He had just gotten off the phone with Luke. They had been fighting for a while. I asked him what it was about and he brushed it off. All he would tell me was that it was about a girl. I knew it wasn't about Felicity because Luke had never met her. I never thought it could be you. Looking back now, I should have known." He pauses, cracks his beer open and takes a sip. "I was surprised to see him today. I wasn't sure if he would come. He and Elliot have been fighting for years every time they talk. It was getting worse lately. When the pastor started to speak and he wasn't there I was pissed. I tried to get up there and honor Elliot, I really did, but so much of my speech had to do with the both of them that I didn't want to point out the fact that Luke wasn't there."
"But he was."
"He must have walked in after the service started. When I heard the surprise in your voice and looked to the back of the room, I saw him. I watched him the entire time you were talking. His grief started to fade little by little as you spoke. It didn't take much to put two and two together after that about why they had been fighting.
"I watched as he built up the courage to talk to you. When I finally saw him head in your direction, I knew Elliot would be smiling down as he watched you guys reunite. When Will caught on to what was about to happen, he put his hand on yours. Then his phone rang and he took that as his opportunity to chicken out. In a split second, Luke vanished. The devastation on your face broke my heart. The smile on Will's infuriated me. He knew exactly what he had just done." I hear the anger in James' voice as he says Will's name. I shake my head at the thought. Even if Will hadn't done what he did, the result still would have been the same. He saved me the heartache.
"So... the reason for your visit? To tell me all of this?"
"No. I actually came to see how you were doing? You were quiet today. I wasn't sure what was going on inside your head and I wanted to make sure you were okay. I made a promise to myself that I would watch out for you since Elliot can't anymore. You're like a sister to me, Reagan. You always have been."
"Thank you. I love you too, James." I pick up my beer and tilt it towards the sky. James mimics my actions and a single tear sneaks down my cheek as I speak. "To family."
The sun has set but I'm still on the porch. James left a while ago. Will showed up to check on me and I sent him away. I traded in my beer for a glass of wine, the bottle now half empty. I pick up my glass, kick off my shoes and head down the steps.
I walk down to the shore and let the cool water wash over my toes. I slowly empty my glass as I listen to the waves. There's no better place to be alone with your thoughts that an empty beach on a beautiful summer night so I head back to grab a blanket and get a refill.
As I'm searching for a blanket in the spare room, I hear a knock at the door and roll my eye. Will's not taking no for an answer. I prepare my speech as I stomp towards the door. As I fling it open, I'm prepared to deliver the verbal lashing of a lifetime. Instead, I drop my wine glass as my eyes land on Luke Evans.
I don't hear the glass shatter as it hits the floor. I don't feel the wine splash against my legs. Nothing around me registers except what my eyes are focused on. Luke.
There's a devious grin on his face that reminds me of the one James gave me earlier. All those boys are so much alike in mannerisms yet drastically different in every other way. I can feel his eyes studying me. I traded in my dress clothes for cut-off jean shorts and a tank top. My hair is pulled high on my head in a messy bun. My eyes are puffy from the tears I've been shedding on and off all day. I look a hot mess.
"Luke." His name slips off my tongue on a whisper. "Wha-wha-what are you doing here?"
"I wanted to see you. Can I come in?" Like no time at all has passed, he skips the hello and gets right down to business. Some things don't change.
"Sure," I say as I move aside, allowing him to pass.
Luke waits for me in the living room as I clean up the broken glass and grab us both a beverage. I'm going to need something stronger than wine if I'm going to survive this. I open the cabinet above the refrigerator and pull out the hard liquor. Pouring myself a vodka and tonic, extra vodka, I practice my deep breathing. I give myself a small pep talk and take a shot for courage that burns its way down my throat, hurting more than it helps.