My shift starts in ten minutes so I have to get going. Night watch. It's supposed to storm like crazy tonight so I hope they don't have me walking the perimeter. That would suck.
Always in my heart,
Luke
April 21, 2009
Reagan,
They're sending me to Germany for a month. Nothing to worry about over there right now so another safe destination. I'm actually excited about heading there. The weather here in Japan is awful. It seems like every time I'm on patrol it rains. Last time I could have sworn a typhoon blew through.
I wish I had the courage to send one of these letters. I want to know how you're doing. I've thought about asking Elliot, but I can't get up the courage. We've been getting along so well lately that I don't want to mess that up. I wish he understood.
Screw it. I'm going to ask him next time I talk to him. I plan on calling him when I get to Germany now that I know I'm headed somewhere that won't freak him or my parents out. I try to only send home good news. No need to worry them. I've been lucky so far. My luck will run out eventually.
I hope your well. I hope school is going well.
Always in my heart,
Luke
July 17, 2009
Reagan,
I knew they would eventually call my number. I don't want you to freak out, but they're sending us into the Middle East. I don't know where exactly. I do know it'll be dangerous. In case things don't turn out like I hope, I've written you a letter (not this one) that I carry with me. If something happens to me, you'll get that letter. I hope it never reaches you.
There are two things that you need to know in case something does happen and the letter doesn't reach you.
1. I love you. With all my heart. I always will. I carry you everywhere with me. I don't need a picture to remember the look on your face when I first kissed you. That memory is ingrained in my brain for life. It was the most remarkable expression I have ever seen. I put that look on your face.
2. That look... I plan on giving it to you again. I will come home, Reagan. I will do everything I can to hold on and come back to you. The next time I kiss you will not be like last time. Next time, I won't stop kissing you.
Remember that.
Always in my heart,
Luke
January 5, 2010
Reagan,
I'm home safe. I thought you might want to know. It was scary over there. There are no other word to describe it. Of all the places that I hope to show you one day, that is not one of them. When we do decide to travel together, we will be skipping the Middle East. You're going to have to trust me on this.
I'm sorry I didn't have the chance to write to you more the last few months. It's been a little chaotic. My commanding officer asked me to re-enlist last week and I've been tossing the idea around. I called Elliot to ask his opinion. You can guess how that went over. He's still begging me to come home. He wants me to come visit.
It's not that I don't want to. I do. I miss my brothers. I miss my family. Most of all, I miss you. That's what scares me the most. I'm afraid to see you. Not because I think that things will be different. I know they will. I'm afraid to see the pain in your eyes. The pain that I've caused. I'm also afraid to see the love.
I'm afraid that if I see it, I won't be able to hide my feelings for you any longer. What terrifies me even more than seeing you and the love in your eyes? The idea that your love for me may have faded. That it won't be there the next time we're in the same room together.
I hope that's not true. More than anything.
Always in my heart,
Luke
READING LUKE'S LETTERS caused my heart to swell. Until the last one. Then I cried. What boyfriend? Did Elliot lie to him? I look at the date on the top and think back. Who was I dating at the time? Who did Elliot meet?
I know he met Preston, but that can't be who he was talking about. Is it?
It doesn't matter now. All that matters is where we decide to go from here. Where I decide I want to go from here. I know exactly where that is. Now, I need to talk to Luke.
No. I need to go see him. I can't leave right now. I have to go back to work on Monday and Felicity needs me. I promised her parents that I would take care of her when they left. I can't break my promise to them. They would never forgive me. Plus, I've already lost one of my best friends. I can't lose the other one.
Before the summer is over. I'll take the summer and spend it with Felicity. I'll help her recover and get back on her feet. When she goes back to work, I'll take a vacation east. I've never been to North Carolina. I think it's about time I check it out.
FELICITY IS RECOVERING well, but she's putting on weight too. I know she's not nearly as active as she use to be, but I've never seen her this hefty. She eats healthy and stays away from all caffeine, except coffee. Even that hasn't appealed to her lately.
She claims that she feels fine and insists on going back to work on Monday. I beg her to go to the doctor first to get checked out.
"I don't need to see another doctor, Reagan. Don't you think that if something was wrong with me, one of the ones I saw after the accident would have said something to me?" I hear how irritated she is, but I'm not giving up. I'm actually going to push her buttons and get her really pissed off in a minute.
"You hadn't put on this much weight last month. In fact, it's been in the last two weeks."
"So basically you want me to get checked out because I'm getting fat?" She tilts her head to the side, hand on her hip. She's obviously not happy with me. I'm getting that look. It's the same look I've been getting a lot recently. I call it her "you're not my mother" look. It's kind of cute.
"Hear me out. You have never been this heavy the entire time I've known you. You could eat like crap for months and not gain weight. You have to admit that something is wrong. Please, Felicity. Just let the doctors check you out." I lay it on thick. I stick my bottom lip out and give her my sad eyes. I really am concerned for her. I'm the spastic girl who searched her symptoms on the Internet last night. Bad idea.
"Fine but you owe me ice cream for letting you drag me to another doctor."
I do a little happy dance and grab my phone, dialing my physician before she can change her mind. He's able to squeeze her in this afternoon which works perfectly. My flight leaves tomorrow morning and I want to make sure that she's okay before I skip town for a few days.
"You're appointment is at two. Do you want ice cream before or after?"
"Have you called Luke yet?" Felicity asks, taking a seat at the counter.
"Nice subject change. Not yet. I think I want to surprise him." I've thought about calling him since I bought my ticket last week. I can't bring myself to do it.
"That should be interesting. What if he's not home?"
"Then I'll wait. Or I'll call. I'll probably just wait unless it takes him forever and then I'll have to call." I'm rambling. I'm sure she can hear how nervous I am. I can hear it. It's only been a few months, but so much can change in an instant, this is no different.