"What kind of friends?" I hear the suggestion he's making. I should probably shut down any thought that he might have of me and Elliot, but I don't want to at the moment. I want him to think we are together so that he'll leave me alone.
"The kind you're thinking we might be. Sorry.” I don't sound sorry, but I'm sure he's too drunk to notice. In fact, he's staring at me like he didn't hear a word I just said. There it is. I just saw the light turn on. Pat nods his head and turns to Blondie. He whispers something in her ear before picking her up and tossing her over his shoulder. I watch as he takes her up a set of stairs and they disappear. At least he's gone. I feel bad for the girl. I hope she doesn't regret her decision in the morning.
The rest of the night is uneventful. I tell Elliot what I hinted at with Pat. He gets a good laugh out of it. The entire house knows that we're just friends, but the room is full of strangers to him so we play along with my lie. Elliot holds my hand to keep the weirdo's away. We won't have to worry about him going to jail now.
I do my best to hold conversations with Elliot's frat brothers. Most of them are nice. Some of them are too nice, probably because they're drunk. A few ask him about the hand holding and he tells them the Pat story. They all get a laugh out of it.
Elliot and I pass out in his bed about four o'clock. My last thought before letting sleep take me is of the girl that was in his bed earlier. I'm going to make him wash his sheets tomorrow. Who knows what other girls have been in his bed and how far he's gotten with them.
March 19, 2006
Luke,
Your letters have stopped completely. If I said something wrong, please tell me. I'm not sure what happened or when but I can feel the change and I don't like it. Things felt like they were headed in the right direction until you stopped writing. I'm going to assume that you've received my letters. I'm going to keep writing until I can't take the silence anymore. I wish you would write back, though.
I'm sorry I'm complaining. I know you're deployed and that things are probably scary as hell over there. I just wish I knew that you were alright. It's hard. Being here, knowing you're over there and not knowing that you're safe. Elliot said you should be back in the states again soon.
Speaking of Elliot, I have a funny story to tell you. I just got back from visiting him for Spring Break. He knew I was coming to visit, but I got there a little early and interrupted him with his flavor of the week. You should have seen the look on her face. Actually, you probably wouldn't have been focused on her face since she was naked. It was priceless. I don't think anything else that week compared to how surprised she was when I flicked on the lights. He says that she's called, but I'd be surprised if they see each other again. She didn't seem like the type that would stick around for long anyway.
Do you remember our trip to New York? It was before everything changed. It was before you signed up for the Marines. It was back when life was simpler and none of us had to worry about anything. Do you remember how Elliot tried to convince me to go shopping? Well, I finally did. In fact, I went a little overboard I think. I bought clothes, shoes, makeup. It was a life altering experience. The makeup lady was kind of scary too.
I look a little different than the last time you saw me. I would send you a photo, but I want to surprise you the next time you see me. When is that going to be? Will I ever see you again? You didn't make it home for Christmas and Elliot seems to think that you won't make it home this summer either. That makes me sad. I can tell that it bothers him too.
Think about it. If you can make it home, we would all love to see you. Everyone misses you.
XOXO
Reagan
AFTER A WEEK IN NYC, I was ready to get back to Yale. I was ready to get back to my normal life. I forced Elliot to go shopping with me on more than one occasion and now I'm almost regretting our last trip. I'm headed up the stairs with my arms full of shopping bags for the third time.
I couldn't stop at clothes. I had to have all the accessories to go with my new wardrobe. I bought shoes, purses, and makeup. Jewelry to match each outfit. Makeup in abundance. I have so many new things, I'm not sure I'm going to have room for it all in our tiny room. I'm going to have to go through my old wardrobe and pitch some stuff. Maybe all of it.
This is the new me. I keep repeating that to myself as I huff and puff up the last few steps. I need to accept the price of changing who I am. It all starts with my new look.
I'm in the middle of sorting through my old clothes when Felicity gets back from work. To say that she's excited to see me is an understatement. She jumps over a few piles and tackles me in a hug as soon as she's through the door.
"How was your trip?" She asks, rolling onto her back but not getting up.
We talked at least once a day while I was gone. She already knows everywhere I went and everything we did. She knows how much fun we had. Looking around at the mess I've made, I see why she's asking.
"It was good. I brought you something," I say, pushing myself off the floor. I search my bed for her bag amongst all the others until I find it.
"You didn't have to buy me anything. I'll just borrow what you bought when you're not looking." She would too and I wouldn't care. We share everything. I'm pretty sure she's gotten over the fact that we're from different social classes.
"I know but when I saw them I knew you would love them." I hand her the bag over a pile of clothes I'm going to be getting rid of. Popping off the floor, she jumps up and down in excitement as she digs for her present in the over-sized bag.
When she pulls out the boots, the expression on her face is priceless. Pure shock. I can't tell if she likes them or not at first. Then, her face lights up with a smile and her signature squeal sounds.
"Oh. My. God. They're awesome!"
"I hope they fit. I had to guess your size. I couldn't remember if your feet were a little bigger or smaller than mine. I guessed bigger."
"You guessed right." She goes to put them on but stops. The price tag is sticking out. I snatch the boot out of her hand as quick as I can, pull the tag off and hand it back to her before she sees it. I'm too late. "I can't accept these. They cost way too much."
"You can and you will. It's the least I can do since you couldn't come with me."
"No, really Reagan. They cost more than I make in a month."
"I know that, but they'll look amazing on you. Plus, I can't return them. I won't be going back to see Elliot until next year probably. Please." I beg her to accept them. I knew she might put up a fight. I can't believe I forgot to take the tag off.
"Fine," she says. I'm waiting for it, but it never comes. She must really like them because normally she would follow up with conditions of accepting them. Last time it was doing my laundry in exchange for the pedicure I bought her. I kept my laundry clean for over a month before she forgot about our deal.
I change the subject while she puts the boots on and walks around the room in them for a few minutes. "I'm going to the rec center for a while. Did you want to come with me?"
I'm far from overweight but working out is going to be part of the new me. I bought clothes to get me started. I bought Felicity an outfit too. I'll give that to her later, once she's over the boots. This time I'll remember to remove the price tags.