Her heart was bursting. She felt the inexorable urge to communicate. She had to let this out in some way. She had to speak the things she'd learned. She looked at this sweet, beautiful girl. She wasn't sure how much Mai had already seen. A lot, quite possibly. But she couldn't burden this beautiful radiant innocent child with her own darkness.
"Mai… thank you. Thank you so much." She felt the tears drying on her face.
Mai smiled at her. The girl was radiant, inside and out. "Are you my sister now?"
Sam nodded fiercely, opened her heart and beamed the love she felt out of it and into this wondrous child. "Yes. I'm your sister, Mai. And you're mine."
Mai beamed.
"You have to go to sleep now, Mai. I'll play with you more soon, OK?"
Mai nodded. Satisfied. This had been good playtime. She had a sister now.
Sam tucked her in bed tenderly, kissed the girl's brow, turned off the light.
She cleaned up the mess of her face as well as she could in the bathroom. She had no patience for it. Her dilated pupils stared back at her. Something sang inside her, compelled her to set it free.
She wandered into the living room. Her breath came short. Her heart still pumped hard in her chest. Whether it was the drugs, whether it was Mai, whether it was what she was about to do, she didn't know. She had to share.
Her eyes met Narong's. He smiled at her. He would listen. No. He didn't know who she really was. Her eyes tracked right. Niran was looking at her curiously. She didn't care. She went past him. There, Kade. He was explaining something to Loesan, gesturing with his hands. Sam could feel a mild wash of it from his mind. Neuroscience. Something about improving on Nexus. He didn't see her. Didn't notice her.
She called to Kade with her mind, put all her longing into it, her need for him right now, her need to connect with him. Even from across the room he felt it, and it stopped him in midthought. He turned, met her eyes with his, nodded. He excused himself from his audience and wandered over to her. All eyes were on the two of them now.
There was a room. A small guest room. The knowledge was Niran's or Chariya's or maybe someone else's. It didn't matter. She took him by the hand, led him there. It was even smaller than Mai's room, nothing but a narrow mattress on the floor and a tiny wooden table.
She lay down, pulled him down next to her. His mind was full of curiosity, concern. What was going on?
"Kade, Kade, Kade…" she whispered, her face inches from his. "Oh, Kade. Oh my god, Kade."
"Hey, slow down there. You OK? What's going on?" Concern broke through. He was worried about her.
How could she explain? How could she start? He didn't even know who he was, let alone who she was.
"Robyn, talk to me…"
She shook her head. "My name's not Robyn, Kade. I have to show you…"
Sam wrapped her arms and legs around him, held him close. She wrapped her mind around his, sent comfort, peace.
"This is going to be a shock to your system, Kade."
Alarm. He started to squirm against her grip. She wouldn't let him.
"Robyn, what the hell?"
She whispered his counter-mantra, with her mouth, with her mind.
Canyon, parakeet, cherry.
She saw it, felt it. Awareness awoke within his mind. Denial. Confusion. Realization. He thrashed mentally and physically. She covered his mouth with her hand, held him tight, as gently as she could, blanketed his mind with comfort, with hushes, with reassurance. There was no danger. They were safe. Safe. She had to tell him something. About her. It was wonderful. It was awful.
He quieted after a while. She pulled her hand away.
"Sam… What the hell? What's going on? What are you doing?
"Shhh… Kade… I'm sorry to pull you away. I just have to get this out. You're the only one."
"Get what out?" He saw some of it then. The horror. The violence. The deaths. "Oh no… oh no… Sam…"
She sent comfort. "No, Kade… It's OK. Really. It's all long long ago. It was awful. I was young. But… I'm better now. I'm the best I've ever been. I think I'm OK for the first time, maybe ever."
He stared at her, not comprehending.
"Kade, I just have to share this with someone, please. It's overwhelming. I have to get it out. Will you listen? Please?" She released her grip on him, opened her mind to him, sent him her need, her longing, the overwhelming urge to release the demons from her head, from her heart, to show him what she'd learned.
He nodded, slowly, looking into her eyes. He felt troubled, surprised. The drugs were riding him hard with empathy as well. He felt compelled to connect, to understand.
"OK. I'll listen."
• • • •
On the Boca Raton Jane Kim listened to the conversation. This was not good.
"Sir," she said to Garrett Nichols. "We have a problem. Blackbird has dropped cover. The false persona is down. She's brought Canary's down as well."
"What?" Nichols asked. He checked the time. There were still many hours of Nexus effects left for them. "Get her back in character."
In the living room, old Niran rubbed his chin thoughtfully. The Lane boy had said many interesting things. Most of them were beyond his understanding.
Still, the capabilities he'd hinted at were clear. And he knew someone who would be very interested in learning more. He considered, decided.
Niran went into the other room, found his phone, made the call. The conversation was brief. Yes, the person he'd called was indeed interested. He understood that the boy was leaving Thailand in a few days. Yes, he was in Bangkok. He was occupied at the moment, but would come by in a few hours.
Niran hung up the phone, smiled to himself. It would be wonderful to see Thanom again.
35
ROOTS
"I wasn't born Samantha Cataranes. I was born Sarita Catalan. I grew up in southern California, in a little town near San Diego. My parents were Roberto and Anita. They both worked in bioinformatics, had met on the job. I had a sister, Ana." Sorrow welled up from her. Tears began to flow again, silently running down the side of her face. Kade felt troubled, concerned, empathic. He stroked her hair, sent kindness.
"My parents were hippies. The kind of hippies who worked in tech but went camping with the family, had singalongs with friends. There were always a lot of friends around the first few years. I think my parents smoked pot." It made her laugh, even through the tears. Kade kept stroking her hair.
"When I was eight, and my sister was four, the company where they worked was acquired by a bigger company. They had the option of relocating to Boston, or cashing out with a big severance payment. They took the latter." Her voice took on a faraway quality. She began to show Kade with her mind as she told him.