I struggled to get out of his grasp, starting to panic. Lannan was good at painting a terrifying view of the future, and the feeling that Myst was watching us and laughing raced through my thoughts. Was Lannan her spy? Was she using him to get to me? He seemed to tower over, looming like a dark shadow against the snow.
“Let me go! Let me go, please!” I managed to break free and, panting, stared at him as I backed away into the snow. “Are you her spy? Are you her eyes and ears? Somebody is, and until I find out who, I can’t trust anyone. I won’t let her win. Do you hear me? If you are her mouthpiece, you turn around and tell her just that. I’ll fight till the end. I’ll destroy her.”
And then I fell to my knees in the snow and began to cry, overwhelmed with everything.
Lannan pulled back. He stared at me, an odd mixture of emotions crossing his face. Another moment, and he knelt beside me, pulling me into his arms.
“Hush, hush, Cicely. I am not in Myst’s pocket. No one owns me, no one controls me. I answer to the Crimson Queen, but only as much as I must. I am neither Myst’s shadow nor her puppet. Come to me, feed me your pain. Feed me your anger and your fear.”
As he spoke, he pressed his lips against mine, and then, his tongue playing over mine, his death chill met my own cold, and I kissed him, deep and dark, falling into the icy fire that sparked between us, letting him drag me under as I gave up my fear to him.
Chapter 7
The kiss went on and on, drawing me in. Lannan’s hands slid around my waist. I should have pulled away right there, but I couldn’t. He was comforting in his strength. I didn’t have to worry about hurting him—about loving him. He pulled me closer, his hair draping down to tickle my cheek. A slow heat began to rise, from my belly, snaking up through my breasts so that I could barely catch my breath. I throbbed, wanting him. Slick now, wet and moist, I shifted, spreading my legs slightly. My jeans chafed against me, suddenly feeling too tight.
“We could sneak away to my room.” His words were gravelly, low in my ear.
“I can’t. I can’t do this, Lannan.” I tried to pull myself out of the mesmerizing hold he had on me, but his grip grew more insistent and he slid one leg between my thighs, prying them open. As I rode his knee, rubbing my crotch against his pants, hearing the faint squeak of denim on leather, I prayed Grieve wouldn’t come out here. He had to feel what was going on—we were too bound for him not to. How could he not know I was ready to spread my legs, to fuck Lannan again?
Lannan tried to slide his hands under my corset but it was laced too tight. He tugged at the strings. “Take this off. I want to feel your breasts. I want to—”
“Kaylin is done.” Regina’s voice cut through the haze that had risen between us.
Glassy-eyed, feeling wanton and slutty, I gazed over Lannan’s shoulder, into her eyes. She moved forward, circling around behind me, and slid her hands around my back to reach around and cup my breasts. Beneath the leather of my corset, my nipples stiffened and I let out a gasp.
“If you still feel up to playing later, I would happily join you.” Regina’s voice tickled my ear, and I let out a soft moan as she snaked one hand down to grab my crotch, holding it tight, her fingers pressing through the denim against my clit.
Lannan laughed, then. “We could have ourselves quite the party, couldn’t we?”
“Is it a private party, or can anyone join?” Grieve strode up, pulling Lannan off me. He glared at the vampire, then stared at me. The stars glistening in the depths of his eyes glittered harsh and cold.
Stammering, I disentangled myself from both vampires. “Grieve—I . . . I . . .” What could I say? This isn’t what it looks like wasn’t going to cut it.
“Never mind. Kaylin is done. The others are returning.” Grieve turned to go. I shrugged away from Regina and Lannan, hurrying to catch up with him. Behind us, the vampires laughed, and once again, I felt dirty and tainted. I tugged on Grieve’s arm, and he gave me a cursory glance. “You weren’t in the throes of Blood Fever this time, and you’re no longer under contract to the bloodsucker.”
“No . . . no . . .” I didn’t know what else to say. There was no real way to defend myself. The Fae weren’t normally monogamous, but Grieve had a special hatred for Lannan.
“We’ll discuss it later. You are the Queen. You are free to do as you choose, even though I am your consort.” And with that Grieve slammed through the French doors.
I wanted to grab him, make him stop and talk to me, but I could see Kaylin and the others through the window. It would be bad enough facing them, let alone Grieve.
“Cicely—he will come around.” Regina had caught up to me, and now she leisurely draped an arm around my shoulders. “And if not, you always have a place here. Right between Lannan and me.” And with that she entered the office, and I followed.
As I tentatively entered the room, I didn’t know what to expect. I knew they wouldn’t be happy with me, but had I just lost every friend I had?
There was an uncomfortable silence, and then Luna stood. Flushed, her lip trembled as she held on to the back of the chair for support. I waited, not wanting to defend myself. What I’d had Kaylin do was both necessary and yet—indefensible. I wouldn’t apologize, but I wouldn’t try to force them to understand why I’d done what I’d done. I’d explain what was going on, but if they couldn’t see where I was coming from, that was the best I could do.
“Myst has planted a spy in my Court—somewhere among those closest to me. We have no idea who it is . . . yet.” I glanced at Kaylin, who shook his head, giving me the all-clear sign.
Peyton let out a long sigh and crossed her right leg over her left. “In other words, you need to know if anybody close is betraying you.”
“Essentially.” I tried to stand tall—which wasn’t easy at five four. After a moment, I gave up, dropping into a nearby chair. “Don’t you see how dangerous it could be if—”
“If one of us had turned on you.” Luna’s words were soft.
Ysandra dusted her hands, sitting as prim as a librarian on Saturday afternoon around a bunch of screaming kids. Looks were deceiving, though. She was actually a powerful witch, one of the magic-born, and a prime member of the Consortium. “You did what was necessary, but you have so much to learn about how to approach matters like this. Cicely, you might have lost us all.”
“She might still have. At least me.” Luna glared. It was hard to meet her accusatory stare. I was as guilty as she thought I was. “I can’t believe you . . .” And then her voice dropped away. “If you would have told us, and one of us was the spy, we would have alerted Myst.”
Nodding, I gave a helpless shrug. “I was between a rock and a hard place. I had to do what I felt best. For the Barrow. For me. For this war. My people are being tested as well. My guards, the Court advisors, everybody. Rhiannon’s, too. Myst is dangerous, and she’s on the way back in with fresh Shadow Hunters.”
I didn’t want to ask their forgiveness, but I did need to know one thing. “Are you still with me? I’m not going to ask you to like me or like what I did. But are you still with us?”
Peyton scuffed her boot on the floor. “Yeah, I’m in. But I’m pissed, Cicely, and it will take me some time to get over it.”
Ysandra shrugged. “As what you need—I’m here. And I’ll do what I can to make certain the Consortium stands with us.”
I turned to Luna. She blushed again, glancing at Kaylin, who studiously ignored her. Something had gone down between them, but I knew better than to ask in public.