“You’ve been hurt too,” he said.
“All I feel is — grown up.”
“More than that.”
“And sad,” she said.
“And sad.”
“Because it’ll never be the same. Not ever.” Her lips trembled. She cleared her throat. “Now, how’s your leg?”
“About a yard long,” he said.
He pulled on her chin.
She pulled on his beard.
He managed to get a smile from her, and that was better medicine than Doc Troutman’s antibiotics.
The storm clouds had begun to break up two hours ago. Dawn brought welcome shafts of autumn sunlight.
In the dense pine forest, half a mile above Black River, three men lowered the remains of Dawson, and the bodies of Salsbury and Klinger into a common grave.
“All right,” Jenny told them. “Fill it in.”
With each shovelful of dirt that struck the corpses, she felt more alive.
After a refueling stop in Augusta, the hornetlike helicopter put down on the landing pad behind the Greenwich house at nine thirty in the morning.
“Get it gassed up and serviced for a trip back to Black. River this evening,” Paul said.
“Yes, sir,” Malcolm Spencer said.
“Then go home and get some sleep. Be back here by seven o’clock this evening. That should give us both time to rest. ”
“I can use it,” Spencer said.
Paul got out of the helicopter and stretched. He had showered and shaved and changed clothes before leaving Maine, but that had refreshed him only temporarily. He was stiff, sore, and tired deep in his bones.
He went to the rear door of the stone house and knocked.
A servant answered. She was a plump, pleasant-faced woman in her fifties. Her hair was tied back in a bun. Her hands were white with flour. “Yes, sir?”
“I am the key.”
“I am the lock.”
“Let me in.”
She stepped out of his way.
Inside, he said, “Where’s the computer?”
“The what, sir?” she asked.
“The computer. Dawson’s computer.”
“I haven’t any idea, sir.”
He nodded. “Okay. Forget about me. Go back to whatever you were doing.” He looked around the elaborately equipped kitchen. “Doing a bit of baking, I see. Go ahead with it. Forget that I was ever here.”
Humming to herself, she returned to the counter beside the oven.
He poked about on his own until he located the computer room. When he found it, he sat before one of the programming consoles and typed out the access code that he had gotten from Salsbury.
The computer responded on all of its read-out screens:
PROCEED
Pecking at the typewriter keys with one finger, doing precisely what Salsbury had told him to do, he ordered it to:
ERASE ALL STORED DATA
Five seconds later the read-out screen flickered:
ALL STORED DATA ERASED
That message disappeared from the tubes, and his second order was displayed for a few seconds:
ERASE ALL PROGRAMS
It said:
REQUEST CONFIRMATION
OF LAST DIRECTIVE
So weary that the letters on the keys blurred before him, Paul again typed:
ERASE ALL PROGRAMS
Those three words shimmered on the green background for perhaps half a minute. Then they blinked several times, vanished.
He typed the words “Black River” and asked for a read-out and a full print-out of associated data.
The computer did nothing.
Next, he typed the words “key-lock” and asked for a read-out and a full print-out of all information in that file.
Nothing.
He requested that the computer run a systems check on itself and display its circuitry on the cathode-ray tubes.
The tubes showed nothing.
He leaned back in the programmer’s chair and closed his eyes.
Years ago, when he had been in high school, he had seen a boy lose a finger in woodworking shop. The boy had sliced it off on the band saw, a very even cut between the second and third knuckles. For two or three minutes, while everyone around him babbled in panic, the boy had treated the bloody stump as little more than a curiosity. He had even joked about it. And then, when his composure had infected those who were giving him first aid, he suddenly came to terms with what had happened, suddenly recognized the loss and the pain, began to scream and wail.
In much the same fashion, the meaning of Mark’s death exploded in Paul, hit him with the emotional equivalent of a truck plowing through a stone wall. He doubled over in the chair and, for the first time since he’d come across the pathetic body in the freezer, he wept.
When he got out of the car, Sam stood for a while, looking at the general store.
Jenny said, “What’s the matter, Dad?”
“Just deciding how much I can get for it.”
“For the store? You’re selling?”
“I’m selling.”
“But… it’s your life.”
“I’m getting out of Black River,” he said. “I can’t stay here… knowing that any time I want… I can just open these people with the phrase… use them…”
“You wouldn’t use them,” she said, taking him by the arm as Rya took his other arm.
“But knowing that I could… That sort of thing can eat at the soul, rot a man up inside…” Flanked by them, he went up the porch steps. For the first time in his life, he felt like an old man.
The following headline appeared at the bottom of the front page of The New York Times:
MRS. DAWSON HIRES INVESTIGATORS; DISSATISFIED WITH F.B.I.’S WORK
Two bellhops showed them to the honeymoon suite.
On the desk in the parlor, there was an arrangement of carnations and roses, compliments of the management. Jenny made him savor the fragrances: first a rose by itself, then a carnation, then a rose and a carnation together.
Later, they made love, taking their time about it, doing what most pleased each other. He seemed to float on her and she on him, he in her and she in him. It was a rich, full experience; and they were sated afterwards.
For a while they were silent, lying on their backs, holding hands, eyes closed.
At last she said, “It was different that time.”
“Not bad, though,” he said. “At least not for me.”
“Oh, no. Not bad. Not for me either.”
“What then?”
“Just… different. I don’t know. Maybe… We’ve gained something — intensity, I think. But we’ve also lost something. There wasn’t any innocence to it this time. ”
“We’re not innocent people anymore.”
“I guess we aren’t,” she said.
We’re killers, he thought. Children of the 1970s, sons and daughters of the great machine age, survivalists.
All right, he told himself angrily. Enough. We’re killers. But even killers can grab hold of a little happiness. More important, even killers can give a little happiness. And isn’t that the most anyone can do in this life? Give a little happiness?
He thought of Mark: the faked death certificate, the small grave next to Annie’s casket…
He turned to Jenny again and took her in his arms and let the world shrink until it was no larger than their two bodies.
REFERENCES
Arnheim, Rudolph. Art and Visual Perception: A Psychology of the Creative Eye. (Berkeley and Los Angeles: University of California, 1964).
Berelson, Bernard, and Steiner, Gary A. Human Behavior: An Inventory of Scientific Findings. (New York: Harcourt, Brace and World, 1964).
Carpenter, Edmund, and Hayman, Ken. They Became What They Beheld. (New York: Outerbridge and Lazard, 1970).