The door in her head was cracking open, the memory spilling out no matter how hard she tried to push it away from her. Lily betraying her. The men dragging her back. Whitney had stood there, staring at her with cold fury through the glass, soundproofed shield. His gaze held cold fury and he just stood there as the men slapped her face, stripped her room of everything she had, and then marched her in front of the glass, holding her still by the thick swatch of hair.
She hadn’t meant to do it, pulse that low note of sound that the two men throwing her things around couldn’t even hear. The man holding her by the hair thought her helpless, thought she was cowed by the three stinging slaps to her face. She was crying and after all, she was a child.
The two behind her went down hard and lay still, but the one holding her burst open, his organs rupturing. Shi screamed and screamed, the river of blood pouring over her. All the while Whitney stood watching, a strange, secret smile on his face.
Flame covered her face. “I didn’t mean to hurt them. I didn’t know it would happen. I killed them and he left them there for hours. I had to beg him to take the bodies away before he’d do it.”
Somehow sharing the horror of that moment with him, telling someone about her guilt and shame made the knot of blame she held on to against Lily begin to dissolve.
Gator wrapped her in his arms, holding her close, fighting his own rising rage. He held her, rocking her back and forth, keeping her close to him, letting her cry it out. He kissed her shoulder, nuzzled it with his chin. He didn’t have a choice now, he had to tell her the truth of his own guilt. She needed to know, needed to hear it. God help him if it was the wrong choice, because he honestly didn’t feel as if he could let her go.
“I did worse, baby,” he confessed. “Much, much worse. I took out civilians. None of us knew the wave would carry and we were working with it, field testing. One of my friends died that day and four teenagers who were just playing around on the hillside. They were just kids, innocent kids.” There were tears in his voice. “I have to live with that, Flame. I wake up in a cold sweat thinking about those kids and their families. I have no idea what the families were told, or even if they were given the bodies, but I know if it were my child, I’d never get over it.”
She held him tighter. He felt rigid, his muscles locked, a tremor running through his body. “It never helps to say it wasn’t your fault, you didn’t know, but you didn’t, any more than I did. We’re weapons, Raoul. That’s why we were created.”
“I don’ think so, cher. I think you were created for me, predestined, long before either of us was born.” He tipped her face up so she had to look at him. “None of this was Lily’s fault any more than it was yours. I have to take some responsibility in that I allowed myself to be enhanced and I didn’t look far enough into it to see the consequences.”
“Maybe you didn’t, Raoul, but, honestly? You’re the best man I know. I’ve never met anyone better, and I’m a tough judge. I watch you, the way you look out for everyone, the way you care so much.” She ducked her head. “I should have told you that before you left.”
He pressed a kiss to her temple. “Thank you for that. No matter what’s gone before, we both deserve a life. I want it to be together.”
“What if Lily can’t get rid of the cancer?”
He shrugged. “She says she can, but what if she can’t? What if I go out on a mission tomorrow and get shot in the head?”
“Don’t say that.” She swallowed hard. “When you left, I swear you took my heart and soul with you.”
“The work I do is every bit as real a danger as cancer is to you. It’s every bit as real as the threat of Whitney is to you. Life gives us choices, Flame. You either grab on with both hands and just go for it, or you sit on the sidelines. I’m a go for it kind of man.”
“So you’re really determined to marry me.”
“Damn straight. I’m kind of partial to your body.” His hand roved down her spine to cup her bottom.
“You’d better see the real me, then.” Elaine pulled off her cap and sat facing him, her heart beating too hard in her chest. She forced herself to stare at his face, to read his expression. She wanted the truth from him.
His tongue did a slow lick of his lips and his eyes lit up. She actually felt the stirring of his shaft along her belly. “Damn, woman, you’re so sexy I don’ think my heart can take it.” He bent toward her, his mouth trailing kisses over the top of her head. “How do you get your skin so soft, cher?”
“I’m going to wear wigs so don’t get all hot and bothered thinking about my bald head.”
“Wigs?” He grinned at her. “I can think of a lot of fun we could have with wigs. Although, to be honest, I was thinking about other bald places just then.”
“My hair is going to grow back, you perv.”
“Aw, but in the meantime…”
Christine Feehan
