It was, most of all, a sense of lostness—the deep and terrible ache a child feels when he realizes he has gone wrong somewhere, all the landmarks are strange, and he no longer knows how to find his way home. I was out in the night with a prisoner—not just any prisoner, but one who had been tried and convicted for the murder of two little girls, and sentenced to die for the crime. My belief that he was innocent wouldn’t matter if we were caught; we would go to jail ourselves, and probably Dean Stanton would, too. I had thrown over a life of work and belief because of one bad execution and because I believed the overgrown lummox sitting beside me might be able to cure a woman’s inoperable brain tumor. Yet watching John watch the stars, I realized with dismay that I no longer did believe that, if I ever really had; my urinary infection seemed faraway and unimportant now, as such harsh and painful things always do once they are past (if a woman could really remember how bad it hurt to have her first baby, my mother once said, she’d never have a second). As for Mr. Jingles, wasn’t it possible, even likely, that we had been wrong about how badly Percy had hurt him? Or that John—who really did have some kind of hypnotic power, there was no doubt of that much, at least—had somehow fooled us into thinking we’d seen something we hadn’t seen at all? Then there was the matter of Hal Moores. On the day I’d surprised him in his office, I’d encountered a palsied, weepy old man. But I didn’t think that was the truest side of the warden. I thought the real Warden Moores was the man who’d once broken the wrist of a skatehound who tried to stab him; the man who had pointed out to me with cynical accuracy that Delacroix’s nuts were going to cook no matter who was out front on the execution team. Did I think that Hal Moores would stand meekly aside and let us bring a convicted child-murderer into his house to lay hands on his wife?
My doubt grew like a sickness as we rode along. I simply did not understand why I had done the things I had, or why I’d persuaded the others to go along with me on this crazy night journey, and I did not believe we had a chance of getting away with it—not a hound’s chance of heaven, as the oldtimers used to say. Yet I made no effort to cry it off, either, which I might have been able to do; things wouldn’t pass irrevocably out of our hands until we showed up at Moores’s house. Something—I think it might have been no more than the waves of exhilaration coming off the giant sitting next to me—kept me from hammering on top of the cab and yelling at Harry to turn around and go back to the prison while there was still time.
Such was my frame of mind as we passed off the highway and onto County 5, and from County 5 onto Chimney Ridge Road. Some fifteen minutes after that, I saw the shape of a roof blotting out the stars and knew we had arrived.
Harry shifted down from second to low (I think he only made it all the way into top gear once during the whole trip). The engine lugged, sending a shudder through the whole truck, as if it, too, dreaded what now lay directly ahead of us.
Harry swung into Moores’s gravelled driveway and parked the grumbling truck behind the warden’s sensible black Buick. Ahead and slightly to our right was a neat-as-a-pin house in the style which I believe is called Cape Cod. That sort of house should have looked out of place in our ridge country, perhaps, but it didn’t. The moon had come up, its grin a little fatter this morning, and by its light I could see that the yard, always so beautifully kept, now looked uncared for. It was just leaves, mostly, that hadn’t been raked away. Under normal circumstances that would have been Melly’s job, but Melly hadn’t been up to any leaf-raking this fall, and she would never see the leaves fall again. That was the truth of the matter, and I had been mad to think this vacant-eyed idiot could change it.
Maybe it still wasn’t too late to save ourselves, though. I made as if to get up, the blanket I’d been wearing slipping off my shoulders. I would lean over, tap on the driver’s-side window, tell Harry to get the hell out before—
John Coffey grabbed my forearm in one of his hamhock fists, pulling me back down as effortlessly as I might have done to a toddler. “Look, boss,” he said, pointing. “Someone’s up.”
I followed the direction of his finger and felt a sinking—not just of the belly, but of the heart. There was a spark of light in one of the back windows. The room where Melinda now spent her days and nights, most likely; she would be no more capable of using the stairs than she would of going out to rake the leaves which had fallen during the recent storm.
They’d heard the truck, of course—Harry Terwilliger’s goddam Farmall, its engine bellowing and farting down the length of an exhaust pipe unencumbered by anything so frivolous as a muffler. Hell, the Mooreses probably weren’t sleeping that well these nights, anyway.
A light closer to the front of the house went on (the kitchen), then the living-room overhead, then the one in the front hall, then the one over the stoop. I watched these forward-marching lights the way a man standing against a cement wall and smoking his last cigarette might watch the lockstep approach of the firing squad. Yet I did not entirely acknowledge to myself even then that it was too late until the uneven chop of the Farmall’s engine faded into silence, and the doors creaked, and the gravel crunched as Harry and Brutal got out.
John was up, pulling me with him. In the dim light, his face looked lively and eager. Why not? I remember thinking. Why shouldn’t he look eager? He’s a fool.
Brutal and Harry were standing shoulder to shoulder at the foot of the truck, like kids in a thunderstorm, and I saw that both of them looked as scared, confused, and uneasy as I felt. That made me feel even worse.
John got down. For him it was more of a step than a jump. I followed, stiff-legged and miserable. I would have sprawled on the cold gravel if he hadn’t caught me by the arm.
“This is a mistake,” Brutal said in a hissy little voice. His eyes were very wide and very frightened. “Christ Almighty, Paul, what were we thinking?”
“Too late now,” I said. I pushed one of Coffey’s hips, and he went obediently enough to stand beside Harry. Then I grabbed Brutal’s elbow like this was a date we were on and got the two of us walking toward the stoop where that light was now burning. “Let me do the talking. Understand?”
“Yeah,” Brutal said. “Right now that’s just about the only thing I do understand.”
I looked back over my shoulder. “Harry, stay by the truck with him until I call for you. I don’t want Moores to see him until I’m ready.” Except I was never going to be ready. I knew that now.
Brutal and I had just reached the foot of the steps when the front door was hauled open hard enough to flap the brass knocker against its plate. There stood Hal Moores in blue pajama pants and a strap-style tee-shirt, his iron-gray hair standing up in tufts and twists. He was a man who had made a thousand enemies over the course of his career, and he knew it. Clasped in his right hand, the abnormally long barrel not quite pointing at the floor, was the pistol which had always been mounted over the mantel. It was the sort of gun known as a Ned Buntline Special, it had been his grandfather’s, and right then (I saw this with a further sinking in my gut) it was fully cocked.
“Who the hell goes there at two-thirty in the goddam morning?” he asked. I heard no fear at all in his voice. And—for the time being, at least—his shakes had stopped. The hand holding the gun was as steady as a stone. “Answer me, or—” The barrel of the gun began to rise.