I wasn’t making a commission off the novelties so why did I care so much? I don’t know. But I did. I had this new, deep concern for the lack of orgasms in Pasco County, Florida, and I think this store could solve the problem.
I began my routine floor sweeping around 4:00 A.M. I felt like I mostly just circulated dust around the store as I did it, rather than actually pick anything up; my mind was on so many other things. At 5:00 A.M. I decided to re-lace up all the corsets in the store. They were looking a bit sloppy. I couldn’t help but imagine Lucy stuffed into one of these bad girls, her breasts puffed up beneath metal boning and lace; an alluring thought, for sure.
Around 6:00 A.M., the doorbell rang and in walked Sandy wearing a tight black top, bright red pants, black patent-leather heels, and fuck-me red lipstick.
“Sandy!” I ran over and gave her a hug. “Where the hell have you been?!”
Before she had a chance to answer, Amir walked in behind her, grinning stupidly. He put his arm around Sandy and gave her a peck on the cheek.
“Well hello, Amir.” I paused. “Good to see you! Your pills haven’t come in yet. I’m sorry.”
“Oh, that’s okay. They’re not even available anymore. They were already pulled by the FDA.”
“Oh, I’m sorry about that.”
Before I could register what was happening, Amir pulled Sandy’s face toward him and planted a sloppy kiss on her lips—one that would have definitely qualified as “first base” in middle school. After a few seconds of aggressive tongue, Sandy pulled away.
“Well Taryn,” she said breathlessly, gesturing at Amir. “This is where I’ve been.”
My shock manifested in the form of an open-mouth, wide-eyed stare, and too many questions that caught in the back of my throat.
Amir looked like a cross between a rapper and a forest ranger, with baggy pants, high-top sneakers, gold chains, a green khaki drill sergeant hat, and a flannel top, with his little bun on the top of his head. He had lipstick all over his face, his man bun, a collared shirt, and black pleated pants. He was about a foot taller and twenty-five years younger than Sandy, who firmly stuck to her own style of skin-tight clothes in black and bright colors. They were completely mismatched.
“We’re in love!” Amir announced, putting his arm sweetly around Sandy’s shoulders.
“After thirty years of dating and two marriages,” said Sandy, “I’ve found my soulmate.”
“Wait—how did this happen?” I asked.
“Well,” Amir started explaining. “I showed up to my ‘date’ and—it was Sandy.”
“Holy shit!” I couldn’t stop laughing. “Sandy, you were catfishing him?”
“I’m not really sure what that even means.”
“It means you tricked him online by saying you were someone you weren’t. Sandy, that’s pretty sneaky. You must have spent a lot of time on this!”
“For a while I thought I would never blow my cover. I thought I could just keep coming up with excuses not to meet him. It wasn’t something I planned, honestly! I just wanted to give him some confidence in himself. He was working so hard, and so selflessly, and I thought he deserved it, a nice, pretty girl giving him attention. But then… we started talking, actually talking, about life and plans and dreams. Taryn, Amir is amazing!” Sandy snuggled against her beau, showing sugary sweetness I’d never seen from her before. Amir blushed.
“We formed a true connection over those chats; I knew I loved him and I had to let him know. I couldn’t keep waiting anymore. We made plans to meet at the county fair. I got there and I saw him looking around for the girl in the photo, and I just walked up to him and… “
“She kissed me right there, didn’t even say hello,” said Amir. “But at that moment, I knew she was the one I’d gone there to meet. She was everything I’d ever needed, and everything I’ll ever want.”
“And so, you know, we kind of disappeared for the last few months. The sex is—”
“Okay, I get it!” I interrupted.
Sandy started sliding her hand down Amir’s chest. “His cock is just so perfect!” Amir grabbed her hand before she could go further.
“I know!” I laughed. “I’ve seen it. So, Amir, are you still, uh, what was that called again? Jocking?”
“Jelking!” He seemed offended. I had been so focused on vaginas the past month, I kind of forgot that penises existed. Amir’s was actually the only cock I had seen in the past few months, aside from ones that plugged into the wall or attached to holsters. I had to agree with Sandy—Amir had himself a nice cock.
“I help him with the jelking!” Sandy said excitedly.
“She’s got all the right moves,” Amir gushed. “It’s grown two quarters of a centimeter since she came along.”
“Wow. That’s true love right there!”
They kissed again and he grabbed her ass. They looked so wrong, yet so right.
“Well, Sandy,” I started. I finally had her here, and needed to tell her what I’d been up to. Would she be mad? “I wanted to catch you up on some things I’ve been doing with the store.”
“Yeah, sure,” she said distractedly, rubbing Amir’s chest.
“I just—sales are good. I organized a workshop and it brought in some new customers; I hope that was ok! It went really well, and I got some sales out of it. I think it would be great if we could order some new products, like these.” I picked up the catalog with Post-it notes poking out of a third of the pages.
“Actually Taryn, I wanted to talk to you.” She briefly tore herself away from her lover and looked at me hopefully. “I’ve been running this store for over thirty years. It’s the love of my life. Well, it was the love of my life, until now. I can’t imagine where I would be without it.”
“Of course.”
“But I could use a break, to be honest. I kind of can’t focus on anything right now but Amir’s growing cock.”
“Oh! Well, I guess I can pick up more hours, but honestly, I think we’d need to hire another person, so I can at least get some sleep. But I do have ideas on that front—”
“Taryn, I meant do you want to take over the store?”
My breath caught in my throat for the second time in the past few minutes. “Are you serious?”
“Yes, I’m serious! Look at you—you’re already running the store and it’s thriving. You know how to make the customers feel comfortable, and that’s the most important thing. You’re way better suited for this than I am right now. What do you think? You want to make dreams come true?”
Was this for real? I mean, I could do it. She was right, I’d been running things here pretty well. Was I about to take on a huge life commitment, right here in a sex shop at 6:00 in the morning?
“Yes!” I said—it just slipped out of my mouth. I hugged Sandy. “Thank you, I’m so honored!”
Just a few months ago I was unemployed, and now I was about to run a business. I didn’t know if I was totally ready for something like this, but still, I couldn’t wait to get started. I have so much to learn, so much to explore.