I fast forwarded the DVD to a different scene in the film, that so happened to be an orgy. I knew exactly what time code to turn it to. This “Four-hour big boob Exxx-travaganza” had played several times in the store before. There was a particular scene in this DVD where several females had sex with one male—known as, I learned from the movie’s box cover copy, a “reverse gang bang.” From that I deduced what would most likely be an un-reverse gang bang, too—which I hoped to explore in other DVDs from this store. But not tonight.
“I fixed it!” I said with excitement, hoping to get a round of applause from the orgy, but no one noticed. Except the unicorn who took her four fingers out of her vagina and ran up and hugged me.
“Thank you! You rule!” she said.
“You’re welcome! Enjoy!” I answered. “The TV, I mean. And everything else. Or at least just the TV,” I awkwardly added.
On the TV a muscular, girthy male signaled for five females to get down on their knees, and they did immediately, and then he ejaculated an equal amount of cum onto the five girls’ faces. Simultaneously, Jimmy pulled out of the Jersey Shore girl’s ass, masturbated furiously, shimmied and shook his body, and let out a howl like a werewolf at the moon… and ejaculated a drop of cum onto the unicorn’s cheek, pulled back, shook around some more, and a few more drops of sperm dropped onto the floor. The members of the magic animal kingdom—fairies and unicorns alike—scurried to lick it off the ground. The other girl casually put her clothing back on.
Jimmy then put out a few lines of mystery powder on the table for himself. He didn’t use a penis straw. He used a hundred-dollar bill that was previously rolled up in his wallet. I don’t know much about drugs but couldn’t a one-dollar bill serve the same function? I mean, really. That was just excessive.
3
I opened the cash register and grabbed the key for room four and handed it to the fairy with the largest wings in the group. In this collection of fairytale creatures, the big wings screamed authority to me.
The fairy with the big wings grabbed another fairy with much smaller wings, along with a girl dressed like a slutty unicorn, and another girl who was not dressed as a part of the animal kingdom and looked more like a Jersey Shore/Kardashian type. They all giggled, and sprinted into room four and locked the door.
Jimmy was lethargic, and didn’t realize what was happening. He was lost in deep concentration, staring at the back of a DVD box cover for a movie titled School of Black Cock, #3. After seventeen consecutive years of schooling, and a very large student loan eating up half my very small paychecks, I couldn’t possibly ever imagine getting aroused by any pornographic film that reminded me of school. He dropped out early so I could see how he was nostalgic about classrooms and such. I wasn’t sure what to do here. I pretended to be busy rearranging a display case, but then I actually realized that the display case truly did need some different products in there. These dildos looked like they were from the ’90s. Was there an expiration date on dildos? Does the material erode over time?
“Hey, uh… where did everyone go?” Jimmy shouted. I wasn’t actually sure if the question was directed at me but there was no one else here to answer. I looked away from the retro dildos to address him.
“The girls are, um… in the room. I’m sorry. Everything happened kinda fast. I gave the fairy the key because I thought she was in charge. I’m sorry—you paid for the room, I shouldn’t have done that. I’m still new here—I didn’t think…”
“Shit. For real though?” he replied.
I had no idea how to respond. What a bizarre fragment of a sentence.
“Um… maybe you can just knock and they’ll let you in? Or… I can give you your own room if you want. No extra cost. Then they’ll learn their lesson!”
I had a déjà vu of my mother who attempted to console me after I was stood up by my prom date. Coincidentally, that prom was also Jimmy’s first DJ gig. I found solace in the fact that whether you’re covered in acne, or you’re covered in tattoos, you still have an equal chance of getting rejected.
“It’s all good. Whatever!”
“Yeah! That’s the right attitude. It’s their loss. Really.” I paused. Sometimes I feel like I just can’t stop talking. I have a way of making uncomfortable moments so much worse by just opening my mouth, but I can’t stop it! “Not like… I would know. I mean… yeah… I can just tell, you would be great in there, really, and they’ll be sorry!” Again I am channeling my mother, and nobody’s mother belongs at a porn store at 6 A.M.
“Let me get a peek, yo,” he said.
“Oh! Well… yeah. I mean, I’m supposed to be keeping an eye on them. I think, technically, I’m not supposed to show customers the security camera, but since we’re like… friends… and, like, you paid for the room. I think it’s fine,” I said uncertainly.
There’s a surveillance camera in these sex ROOMZ, and a monitor near my register that shows me what’s going on in each room (the customers can’t see it since it faces me when I’m behind the counter). Whenever someone is in one of these rooms, I’m supposed to keep my eyes on the monitor and be on a lookout for anything that could get the store into trouble; however I’m honestly not sure what I’m supposed to look out for, since apparently anything goes here. Sandy, the owner of the store, explained to me that their old lease grandfathered them into some kind of privilege that allowed them to have full-on nudity and penetration in the store. The only thing Sandy told me is specifically not allowed is any kind of escorting. Or any exchange of money for sexual services (except the buying of the room). Only happy and horny, willing participants can get penetrated here. A four-thousand-dollar butt plug tab that leads to sex is not paying for sex! It’s just paying for sex toys.
I invited Jimmy behind the register and I sharpened the contrast on the old television monitor as much as I possibly could. If only I had some popcorn, this could have been like the high school date we never had.
The girls seemed to be enjoying themselves. I was tuning in a bit late, but they were all naked, aside from wings, legwarmers, a unicorn beanie, and the more conventional looking girl who didn’t dress up like any mythical creature had her VIP laminated badge with Jimmy’s face on it dangling between her incredibly large, and very obviously unnatural, perky breasts. I like that she showed her loyalty to Jimmy in some sort of way, even though he spent four thousand dollars and wasn’t even invited into the room.
The two fairies got on all fours and faced their asses towards the unicorn and the Jersey Shore girl, and began the process of inserting their crystal butt plugs inside of themselves. The fairies helped each other out by touching each other’s clit and rubbing lube on each other’s asshole. The other two girls stared at them with amazement, and applauded their anal abilities. Jimmy gave his own applause on our side of the store. Butt plugs truly brought joy to people in a way I never knew!
The fairies shook their asses, and kissed each other. One fairy licked the other fairy’s ass; it was sparkly and erotic and so dazzling. I had never really seen an accessorized asshole and it truly was quite beautiful.