“Oh my god this is so fucking hot! This is so hot! I’m so wet right now.”
The robber looked incredibly confused, which is an odd adjective to use to describe someone holding a gun.
“Take me, take me!” she screamed. And she pulled her pants down, and bent over, holding on to a shelf full of dildos, and her husband, also apparently aroused by danger, pulled a hard cock out of his pants and started fucking her! Right there in the middle of everything. I could tell she was incredibly wet; he slid right in her, I could hear the moisture. She was moaning, “Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me, Daddy, fuck me,” while the gun was pressed against her head. The robber legitimately looked so uncomfortable. Definitely because of the obvious, but also because a six-foot-tall woman was calling a five-foot-tall man “Daddy.” He started to back away and Jen yelled, “Please put that gun back up to my head!”
“Fucking freak!” he said. However, he did what she asked, pointing the gun back to her head.
“Just finish getting that fucking money together. Come on. I wanna get out of here. I want all of it, and I’m gonna check when you’re done.”
I thought a metal wand with balls at the end that hit your G-spot could fix Jen’s orgasm problems. Clearly, in addition to selling drugs, porn dildos and vibrators, I guess we should look into selling guns because apparently they get some people off. Her husband fucked her so hard, he smacked her ass, he pulled her hair, and the robber was trying to look away but also kindly kept the gun to her head.
“She has a hard time having orgasms—thank you, kind sir, this means a lot!” I said.
“Just shut up and get the money,” he said.
I saw my phone ring again, and then a text message flashed on the screen “I’m outside—why is the door locked?” A fit of rage came over me that this man was getting between me and Amanda! I had to do something. I couldn’t just die without trying to see her, at least one more time. I tried to think of a plan, of anything I could do. Jen was now yelling louder and louder, her husband was calling her a dirty bitch and saying, “Yeah, give me your fucking cunt.”
“Yes, Daddy, yes, yes!” she screamed.
And just then the gang bang room members entered, literally all of them naked, the women still wearing their strap-ons. They saw the sex, and they saw the robber. The curly haired redhead that was covered in dried semen chimed in.
“Fuck yeah, this night is just getting started!” And she grabbed a bottle of VCR cleaner from the snack table and inhaled it right away. The robber pointed the gun at her.
“PUT YOUR FUCKING HANDS UP!”
“All right, all right. I’ll play along, this is hot!”
And then, a moment of power came over me. The thought of Amanda sitting outside trying to find me and unable to get in, the excitement I had from a woman finally having good sex with her husband who couldn’t do that prior to coming in here, my concern for Cherise and Chuck and not wanting them to get hurt all channeled into a giant fit of rage, happiness, power, and adrenaline.
I quickly swooped up the metal G-spot stimulator that wasn’t able to make Jen cum from the ground. It was really dense and heavy, and I threw it at the robber’s head, making direct contact with his skull. I froze.
Everyone instinctively followed me. All the girls quickly removed their strap-on pink penises and threw them at him. Cherise grabbed a nine-inch pair of heels and threw it at him. And the robber went down, collapsing on the ground, his gun flying out of his hand and landing across the room. Cherise quickly picked it up.
I could see him breathing. Thank goodness. He’s an ass, but I didn’t want to kill him. Not tonight. I planned on learning a lot of new things tonight, but murder wasn’t one of them.
“Someone call the cops,” I yelled, “quickly, before he wakes up!”
I ran to the door and unlocked it. Amanda stood in the doorway with her cell phone, looking pissed.
“Amanda!” I let her in, hugged her tightly, and kissed her. “Thank god you’re safe; we’re being held up!”
“What?!”
She barged into the store and saw the weird scene before her: Jen, with cum all over her face looking incredibly happy, Cherise holding the gun, naked sweaty men next to naked girls with holsters on, and a mound of hot-pink dildos on the ground next to a guy who was unconscious.
Seeing Cherise with the gun, Amanda must have assumed she was the assailant because she charged right at her, fists clenched, looking like she was going to really hurt her.
“NO!” I shouted at her. “That’s not the robber—this guy on the floor is. I threw the metal dildo at him and it hit him in the head and he fell down. I swear! I did! This is Cherise and she’s amazing and I had sex with her and her husband!”
They both waved and smiled and somehow went back to looking incredibly proper.
“Really?! Are you lying?”
“About which part?!” I said. “I mean, I’m not lying about any of it.”
“Let’s please get this monster out of the store! Before he wakes up! Please!” Cherise said, soft tears welling in her eyes. She held onto the gun like it was some kind of tea cup. She had no idea what to do with it.
Chuck was talking to the police, giving them all the information.
“Wait, that was actually all real?!” Amanda stared at all of us, not quite knowing where to look. “Are you serious? That wasn’t just a good old-fashioned harpaxophelia role-playing game?”
“What does that mean? Do you not think I’m cool enough to throw a dildo at a guy with a gun and knock him out?”
“It’s a fetish for being burglarized,” Amanda said, “And no, I still don’t believe you at all.” Amanda couldn’t stop laughing.
Cherise was getting really angry and she inadvertently pointed the gun directly at Amanda.
“Please! Get him out of here. Now!”
Amanda shook her head, but grabbed one of the robber’s hands. Big Jen stepped in and grabbed the other and the two of them dragged him across the store out of the door. Amanda locked it.
Finally, Cherise snapped out of her trance of terror.
“Oh, sweet Jesus, did I just point a gun at your girlfriend?” she asked. “I’m so sorry!”
“It’s ok, Cherise, she totally deserved it.” My heart was racing.
“Let’s all just stay in this room until the cops get here. Is everyone ok?” Amanda asked.
Everyone in the store started cheering. Half the people in the store were naked.
“Amanda! I love you!” I yelled. I was frantic. “I’m not afraid to say that. I could have just died, and it would have sucked to die and not tell you that I love you.” I was crying. Everyone in the store hugged their significant others, then the other partners they had sex with. Relief and love spread across the room. I looked at Amanda. She looked back at me, right into my eyes.
Amidst the hugging and cries of joy, Sandy appeared, stumbling out of the back room.
“So, sorry honey—I passed out! How long was I asleep for?” Sandy said.
“Sandy—we were robbed!”
“What? Shit. Are you serious? Did you push the alarm? I have good friends at the station who know to come right away when that happens!”
“We have an alarm?” I asked.
“Oh yes, of course we do,” Sandy said. “It’s right here!” She pointed at a small button right next to the register.
“You never fucking told me about the alarm!” “I could have sworn I did!”
“No. You didn’t,” I said. I could feel a cloud of anger building inside me. I was so woefully unprepared for this situation; all this time I could have solved it with the press of a button?!
“Oh well. I’m sorry, hon’. Now you know for next time! Is everyone ok? Did you have to give him all the money?”
“No Sandy, I hit him with a dildo and he’s unconscious outside. All your money is here, though.” I picked up the bag and tossed it to her. She caught it, but stumbled back a bit against its weight. “Sorry, there’s a lot in there.”