你妈的屄 nǐ mā de bī (nee ma duh bee)
Fuck! Fuck you! Can be exclaimed alone or addressed at someone. Literally “your mother’s cunt.”
叫你生孩子没屁股眼 jiào nǐ shēng háizi méi pìguyǎn (jaow nee shung hi dz may pee goo yen)
Literally, “May your child be born without an asshole.” A very strong curse. Sometimes 没屁股眼 méi pìguyǎn (may pee goo yen) by itself (“no asshole,” or more technically “imperforate anus”) is used as a curse like “Damn!” Originated in Hong Kong and surrounding southern areas, but now commonly used all over China.
Cunt-related obscenities
牛屄 niúbī (nyoo bee)
Can be used negatively to mean something like “arrogant fuck” but more usually means “fuckin’ awesome” or “motherfuckin’ badass.” Think of it as meaning that someone has a lot of fuckin’ balls, either in a good way or a bad way. Literally “cow pussy” (see chapter 1 for the etymology). Extremely popular in northern China, where it originated, and not as commonly used but still understood in southern China. Not used at all (and will most likely not be understood) in Taiwan.
傻屄 shǎbī (shah bee)
Stupid cunt, fuckin’ idiot. Literally “idiot’s pussy”-傻 shǎ (shah) means “stupid.” Particularly in northern China, this is perhaps the strongest, dirtiest insult available in your arsenal of things to yell at that fucker who just cut you off in traffic or who just tried to mug you on the street. It also sounds a lot like “shabby,” as many English teachers in China have unwittingly discovered when attempts to teach the word are met with peals of laughter. Like niúbī, it is extremely common in northern China, less used in southern China, and not used at all in Taiwan.
装屄 zhuāngbī (jwong bee)
Act like a fuckin’ poser; be a fuckin’ ass. Literally “dress pussy” or “pretend pussy.” 装 Zhuāng (jwong) means “pretend” or “put on,” like putting on an item of clothing, and implies the larger phrase 装牛屄 zhuāng niúbī (jwong nyoo bee); that is, pretending to be niúbī, or awesome, when you’re not. Thus you could say that you don’t like going to fancy restaurants because you don’t want to be surrounded by all those zhuāngbī types. Again, extremely common in northern China, less used in southern China, and not used at all in Taiwan.
二屄 (more usually written 二逼 or 2B) èrbī (er bee)
Fuckin’ idiot, a fuck-up. Used in northern China. Literally “second pussy” or “double cunt.” 二 Ér, or “two,” is a reference to the insult “ 250,” or 二百五 èrbǎiwǔ (er buy woo), which means “idiot” (see page 19).
臭屄 chòubī (choe bee)
Motherfucker. Literally “smelly cunt” or “stinking cunt.”
烂屄 lànbī (lahn bee)
Rotten cunt.
妈屄 mābī (mah bee)
Hag, cunt. Literally “mother’s cunt.”
老屄 lăobī (laow bee)
Old cunt, old hag.
骚屄 sāobī (saow bee)
Slut, dirty cunt. Literally “slutty cunt.” A stronger, or at least slightly more colorful, variation on plain 屄 bī (bee).
屄样 bīyàng (bee yahng)
Literally “the appearance of a cunt,” referring to someone’s behavior in a way that indicates that they’re being a cunt, or you think they’re a cunt. Similar to càoxing, discussed earlier in this chapter.
鸡屄 jībī (gee bee)
鸡 jī (gee), literally “chicken,” or 鸡贼 jī zéi (gee dzay), literally “chicken thief,” is Beijing slang for someone cheap or stingy, and 鸡屄 jībī, literally “chicken cunt,” is a dirty version of that term.
你妈了个屄 nĭmālegebī (nee mah luh guh bee)
Fuck you! (and a way of saying it that rolls off the tongue especially well). Literally, “Your mother’s a cunt!”
你个死屄 nǐ ge sǐ bī (nee guh sih bee)
Literally “you dead cunt,” but the whole phrase can be used the way you’d use “fuck” in direct address, whether genuinely insulting someone or joking around, like “fuck you” or “you stupid fuck.”
Dick-related swears
屌 diǎo (dyaow)
Slang for “cock” and used as an insult (as in “what a dick”) since the J̄ın dynasty (1115-1234). Diǎo is also used positively in Taiwan to mean “awesome” or “cool” or “outrageous.”
管你屌事 guǎn nǐ diǎo shì (gwun nee dyow shih)
Mind your own damn business. Literally “mind your own dick.” Similarly, “It’s none of my damn business” or “I don’t give a shit” is 管我屌事 guǎn wǒ diǎo shì (gwun wuh dyow shih), literally, “I’m watching my own dick.”
鸟 niǎo (nyow, rhymes with “cow”)
Slang for “penis,” equivalent to “dick” or “cock,” but can also be combined with a noun to create a derogatory term; for example 那个人 nàge rén (nah guh ren) means “that person,” while 那个鸟人 nàge niǎo rén (nyow ren) means “that dick” or “that damned person.”
什么鸟 shénmeniǎo (shuh muh nyow)
Used similarly to “what the fuck?” or “what in the hell?” Literally “which bird?” or “what dick?” Originated in northeastern China but now used everywhere.
鸡巴 jība (gee bah)
Slang for “penis,” equivalent to “dick” or “cock.” Like “dick” and “cock,” jība can refer to an actual penis or can be used as an insult to describe a person. It’s also used as an intensifier, like “fucking.” For example, 那个鸡巴白痴 nàge jībā báichī (nah guh gee bah buy chih), “that fucking idiot,” is stronger than 那个白痴 nàge báichī (nah guh buy chih), “that idiot.”
Turtle swears
There are several turtle- and turtle-egg-related insults in Chinese, all connected to cuckoldry. There are numerous theories why. One is that 王八蛋 wángbādàn (wahng bah dun), “tortoise egg,” comes from 忘八端 wàng bā duān (wahng bah dwun), which means “forgetting the Eight Virtues,” because the two phrases sound nearly identical. The Eight Virtues are a philosophical concept and a sort of code of behavior central to Confucianism. Evidently the Eight Virtues were important enough that forgetting them could become an obscenity, much in the way Christianity is so central to Western culture that referring to God-“Oh my God!” “Jesus Christ!”-can be considered blasphemous.
Another theory-and all these theories could be related to one another-is that the ancient Chinese mistakenly believed there were no male turtles and that all turtles copulated with snakes; thus their offspring are of impure blood. Another explanation is that in ancient times 王八 wángbā (wahng bah), “turtle,” was the name for a male servant in a brothel. Some believe the term came from an especially un-virtuous man in history whose last name was Wáng (王). Still another is that a turtle’s head emerging from its shell resembles a glans penis emerging from the foreskin and so turtles represent promiscuity: indeed “glans” in Chinese is