If that happened, he thought they should start a family as quickly as possibly and have maybe six children. Or fewer if she thought that was too many; he didn’t want to turn her into a baby factory against her will. He would work from home so he would never have to leave her, and she could devote all her time to the house and children. They would be together all day, every day.
Of course, they would have people over for dinner — he didn’t know who; he didn’t know anyone he wanted to invite, and it certainly wouldn’t be anyone from her present lifestyle — and they would talk and drink wine in the candlelight. He would hold hands with her secretly under the table.
In bed they would lie together naked and... But when he thought of the act itself he started to feel excited, confused and angry; waves of red surged in front of his eyeballs. It was the same way he felt when he watched the video: so disturbed and violent that he sometimes bruised his penis and made it sore when he masturbated. Well, that part of their relationship would take care of itself when the time came.
If things didn’t go their way, though — and he could at least admit that might happen, as they had many rich and powerful enemies — then it might be necessary to forgo the earthly paradise and head straight for the heaven beyond the flesh.
Sometimes that seemed like the best idea, anyway. He was sure there was no comparison between the world of the flesh and that of pure spirit. But when you pit the known against the unknown, usually the known has an edge. That was something for him to work on: learn to love the unknown more. Faith, that was what he needed. Faith was the key. And courage.
For now, though, he had his images of her, and he would create more while she was away. With his computer, he could do anything he wanted to photographs or video images. He could play God with the arrangement of body parts and even put different heads and bodies together.
He had experimented with several permutations: putting Sally’s head on the body of a porn image, for example, so that she smiled at him with her legs wide open, one hand holding herself and a finger inside her vagina. The bottom part wasn’t Sally, of course. Though she had appeared nude in some films — he had videos of them all — she had never done anything remotely as pornographic as that. She wouldn’t. He knew that. At heart, she was a decent, wholesome girl. But this was a part of his power; his ability to play God with images. And God had a sense of humor, too. Once he had put Sally’s head between the legs of the porn photo and it looked funny smiling at him from where the model’s pussy should be.
But his crowning glory was the footage he had rearranged from an erotic video and several photographs of himself and Sally. As he ran it now and watched, he felt that familiar surge of excitement and anger. It was a simple scene: a man and woman in a bedroom. The man lay on his back, erect and ready, and the woman lowered herself onto him, taking his penis in her hand and guiding it into her. Then she began to rock back and forth, gently at first, and then more wildly.
The woman had Sally’s face; the man had his.
It was still rather primitive, of course. Their faces were both grafted from photographs, so their expressions didn’t change. Throughout the whole five minutes or so, she retained her sweet smile and he looked far too serious.
You could also see a faint line where the heads had been joined to the bodies, as if someone had slit their throats.
Their heads looked a little fuzzy, and the skin tones were slightly different. Though he had added a soundtrack of moans, cries and grunts from another porn video, they weren’t well enough synchronized. The whole thing sounded dubbed. Which is exactly what it was.
But the more he concentrated, the more he was able to forget the imperfections and lose himself in her smile, her body, her cries, her love. Sometimes he felt a little guilty about what he was doing with the images and all, just a little naughty. But it was all he had of her flesh while they were being kept apart. He knew she would understand and forgive him. Besides, she was his, after all, wasn’t she?
And the best thing of all was that, afterwards, she talked to him, told him her most intimate secrets. And, more important still, if he listened very closely, she told him what he had to do to win her love. She was telling him to do something right now. It wasn’t clear exactly what yet, but it would be soon.
19
Early on Christmas Eve, Arvo went out to a watering-hole on Wilshire with Maria, Kelly Norris, Mike Glover and Larry Matsuoka from the unit.
As they wedged themselves into the only semicircular booth left, Arvo couldn’t help but smile at the bizarre twist the Sandi Gaines case had taken that day. After everything that had happened, Sandi had come by the office that morning saying she didn’t want to press charges; she was willing to give Chuck a second chance; maybe she’d been wrong about him.
But Chucky was facing charges, all right. Plenty of them. Arvo had suggested counselling for Sandi. A relationship like theirs could only end in violence, and it was a good idea to try to save the department more work down the line. A good idea, but almost impossible. In the centuries-old war between reason and passion, who ever listened to reason?
Green and red streamers hung across the ceiling and walls, a small Christmas tree covered with lights and tinsel stood near the door and Elvis was singing “Blue Christmas’ on the jukebox. It took nearly ten minutes to get a round of drinks.
Arvo found himself crushed next to Maria, a very enjoyable sensation. Her thigh pressed against his, and sometimes when she moved he could feel the warmth and softness of her breast against his arm.
“What do you make of it?” he asked her about Sandi Gaines. The bar was so crowded and noisy he had to lean close to her ear to be heard. Close enough to smell her musky perfume.
Maria took a sip from a tall frosted glass full of colored liquid and chunks of fruit topped with an umbrella and shook her head. The bartender called it a Santa Special because it was mostly green, white and red. “I think she’s crazy,” she said with a slight shrug. “But half the world’s crazy and the other half’s working on it. I don’t know.”
“She said he made her feel wanted.”
“I suppose if a guy walked in a restaurant and threatened to blow my head off he’d make me feel wanted, too,” said Maria.
Arvo laughed. “She said she hadn’t realized he was such a man, hadn’t thought he had it in him.”
Maria rolled her eyes. “Give me a break, Arvo.”
“Haven’t you ever felt that way? Liked a guy because he felt so passionately about you he’d do something like that?”
“Nope.”
“How about someone who was willing to get violent because of you, like fight for you?”
Maria thought for a moment, then said, “It’s not the same. Chuck didn’t fight for Sandi, he didn’t defend her honour or anything, he threatened her. He’s a creep, and if she gets off on being scared, that’s her problem.” She took another sip of her drink.
“Ms. Sensitivity,” he said.
Maria grinned. “There was this guy in ninth grade once,” she went on, putting the glass down. “See, there was this asshole kept razzing me, calling me ‘wetback,’ ‘spic,’ ‘hot chili pepper’ and other real original shit like that. Only one guy stood up for me. Patrick O’Reilly, that was his name.” She smiled at the memory. “Knocked two of the asshole’s front teeth right down his throat and got himself suspended for it.”