Tana’s tender heart would be her downfall. I mean, no one could really accuse me of being sentimental but even I was a little sad that my first time wasn’t going to happen with someone who loved me. It was going to be with someone who’d bought me. There was no way to pretty that up.
I dressed, secretly in shock at how the corset pushed up my generous breasts until they were practically in my face, and stared at how the thong disappeared between my hairless butt cheeks. I looked different for sure. Older. More experienced. If Lora could see me…oh thank God, she couldn’t. Somehow I felt I could endure the shame of it all as long as Lora never knew what I’d done.
Tana emerged from the bathroom, scared and looking ready to piss herself. “I don’t think I can do this,” she whispered, tucking the gauzy wrap around herself tightly. “I don’t know what I was thinking. This is…I feel like a whore.”
“Tonight…we are whores,” Dylan said, her flat tone matching the dead look in her eyes. “Don’t try to make it anything other than what it is. Easier to swallow if you know what you’re putting in your mouth.”
Dylan was right but fuck, did she have to be such a cold-hearted bitch about it? I reached out to place a supportive hand on Tana, saying, “It’s only for tonight. Just remember that.”
But Tana was vibrating with fear. “You know why they did all that stuff to us? The waxing, the enema?” Tana asked in a terrified voice and I nodded. She wilted a little more. “I don’t want to have butt sex. That’s for perverts. What if God doesn’t forgive us for what we’re doing?”
“Fuck God,” Dylan muttered. “He hasn’t done anything for me lately why should I care?”
I was an atheist at best. I could see Dylan’s point — if there was a God why would he let kids suffer and die because they had the bad luck of being born to shitty parents? — But Tana was in no way capable of handling that kind of truth right now. Dylan was being unnecessarily cruel and her next comment cemented that belief.
“I’ve heard that if you’re not lubed up enough it can ruin you for life. I’m talking spending the rest of your life with a colostomy bag,” Dylan said.
I glared at Dylan. “Zip it, you’re not helping and that’s not true anyway.”
“How do you know? If you’re a virgin what do you know about taking it up the ass?” Dylan countered with a hard look.
“Just because I haven’t had sex doesn’t mean I’ve lived in a cave,” I said, irritated. I wanted to duct tape Dylan’s mouth shut. “You’re making things worse just to be a dick.”
But Dylan shot back, “No, you’re the one not helping. You really think she’s capable of surviving what’s coming? She’s going to come unglued and something bad is going to happen. Didn’t you pay attention to the fucking contract we signed?”
The contract hadn’t specifically stated that harm would befall us if we breached our contract but all signs pointed to the distinct possibility. I suppressed a shiver, stubbornly holding my position for Tana’s sake. “Just stop. No one needs to hear that right now.”
“Whatever. It’s your funeral,” Dylan said.
Turning to Tana, I steadied her by the shoulders, meeting her frantic gaze. “It’s one night,” I reminded her in a low, soothing tone. “Anyone can get through one night and then you can hire the best therapist you can find if you need to.”
Tana nodded and wiped at her eyes. “One night,” she repeated as a mantra. Nodding, she said in a shaky voice, “I can do this.”
“Yes, you can,” I agreed but I had my doubts. I had a soft spot growing for the kid. I hoped what I was said was true. I didn’t want to have anal sex either but I had to prepare myself for the possibility. “Maybe your buyer won’t be into that. It’s not a given. They just like to cover all their bases,” I told Tana, although who knew if it were true. For all I knew, anal sex was fully expected. “It’s going to be okay. Just think of all the money you’re going to earn and how it’s going to help your nana.”
Jilly smiled, her bright eyes softening. “You’re doing this for your nana? Aww, that’s so sweet. She must really mean a lot to you.”
Tana nodded and sat heavily on the edge of her bed. “She’s the sweetest, kindest person in the world. If it weren’t for her, I don’t know where I’d be. I have to help her.” She revealed the hidden pendant. “This was from her. I know I wasn’t supposed to but I brought it with me. It’s probably stupid but I’m hoping it gives me strength.”
I caught Dylan’s subtle eye-roll but Tana didn’t. Let’s be honest, we were all jealous of Tana’s relationship with her nana. What if we’d had someone who cared about us in our lives? How would things have changed? The only reason Tana was here was because of a cruel twist of fate that stole her nana’s brain function. Otherwise, Tana might’ve moved into the next phase of her life without a hiccup.
“I think that’s really sweet,” I said, ignoring Dylan. “You hold onto whatever helps get you through this.”
Tana nodded, her eyes wide like that of a child being fed to a fire. “It’s not fair,” she said, running the wrap edges through her fingertips. “Why do women have to go through stuff like this?”
“Because life’s not fair,” Dylan answered, sounding bored. “Why did my mother run off and leave me with an asshole father who couldn’t seem to keep his hands to himself? I spent so much time running away I should’ve joined track and at least gotten a medal out of all the miles I logged. Life’s not fucking fair, princess. If you haven’t learned that by now, you’re either dumb as you look or you’re just in over your head and about to get a real education.”
“Stop it,” I growled but before I could say anything more, we all heard Olivia’s heels clicking down the hall toward our door. My jittery nerves returned and brought with them, psychotic butterflies for my stomach. “She’s coming.”
Olivia appeared, holding a tray with four glasses of water, which she promptly handed to us before she reached into her pocket and pulled out four pills, saying, “To ease your nerves.”
Tana stiffened in alarm, saying, “I don’t take drugs,” and Oliva put the pill in her hand with a practiced smile. Tana glared as she curled her palm around the pill. “You can’t make me take drugs.”
“No,” Olivia agreed but added, “however, if I may suggest, do yourself a favor and take the pill. I will return in thirty minutes.”
Olivia exited, leaving us to consider Olivia’s advice. I detested anything that took away my ability to remain in control. Even though I wished I could just down the pill and be done with it, I knew I wouldn’t. Come what may, I wanted to be sober. Although I couldn’t say the same idea was a good one for Tana. She was a mess. “It’s probably a Xanax,” I told her, trying to make her feel better. “They wouldn’t give you anything that would knock you out completely. No one wants an unconscious lay, you know?”
“Down the hatch,” Dylan said, tossing the pill down her throat and washing it down with an exaggerated smile. “Let’s get this party started.”
Jilly shared an uncertain look with me and reluctantly took her pill, too. “Here goes nothing,” she said. “See you on the other side.”
“My nana takes a Xanax now and then,” Tana said, seeming to soften her stance. “I guess it’s not too bad, then.” She popped the pill and washed it down with a generous swallow of water. She looked to me. “You’re not going to take yours?”
“My mom’s a raging alcoholic and I don’t want to do anything that will tip the scales toward awakening that gene hiding in my DNA, you know what I mean?”