But this time, Ernie had promised Lola to stay straight. More importantly, he'd promised not to do anything that might draw the attention of security-either the casino's or Victor Phule's very professional bodyguard. That meant resisting the temptation to pocket any loose change that might be lying around, such as waiters' uncollected tips or customers' unattended handbags. And it meant not carrying any of a number of devices meant to increase the odds in his favor, devices generally frowned upon both by the casinos and by those players who were naive enough to expect that everyone else in the game was playing by the rules. Especially in the Fat Chance, the ownership took exception to such devices-and its guards seemed to have a better-than-average record at spotting them in use.
In most places, he'd have taken his chances and figured on tipping the security guards to turn a blind eye. But the Fat Chance Casino's policy was to expel any cheaters it caught not just from the casino, but from Lorelei itself and its guards were apparently tip-proof. If Ernie and Lola were identified as cheats, their chances of completing the mission that brought them here shrank very close to zero, as did their chances of convincing a certain Mr. V to let them keep breathing. That was good enough to convince Ernie to keep his hands to himself and leave his educated dice at home.
His specific mission tonight was to find either of the Phules, Willard (A.K.A. Captain Jester) or his father Victor. In principle, that was a no-brainer. He knew what both men looked like and had a fair idea where, in the public parts of the casino, they might be found this time of day. In practice, as his previous experience with the younger Phule had taught him, the job was far from easy.
On their previous visit to Lorelei, Ernie and Lola had laid a subtle trap to kidnap the captain of Omega Company, and on the space liner away from Lorelei Station, found themselves in custody of an Andromatic robot whose features were a dead ringer for Captain Jester's. The situation had fallen entirely apart when the robot had commandeered an escape pod and left the space liner entirely. Luckily, nobody on board ship had managed to connect them to the incident, or else (in addition to their other troubles) they might now be trying to figure out how to come up with the replacement value of a deep-space escape pod. Ernie had no idea whether the robot had been recovered or replaced; certainly the Phules could afford to do either.
But barring information to the contrary, he and Lola agreed that any Phule they encountered had to be considered a possible robot. Since their contract had said nothing about robots-since, in fact, Mr. V had been emphatically uninterested in hearing. about their misadventures-the two kidnappers needed to be sure they were getting the real thing. And with a high-priced bodyguard standing nearby, an experimental poke or pinch to determine the subject's reaction would not be a good idea.
Ernie drifted nonchalantly through the casino, stopping to look at the play at a table here or there, occasionally placing a small bet on a whim. If anyone were watching, they were likely to check him off as a bored dilettante, with no fixed purpose. But he gradually made his way toward the higher-priced rooms, where his quarry was likely to be playing, or watching the action. What would happen when he found one of the Phules remained to be seen. But he'd think of something, he was sure. He could always think of something.
"Well, I believe you've seen our whole camp," Phule said to the AEIOU inspectors. "I can see it's getting close to dinnertime; could I persuade you to stay for a taste of Omega Company's cooking? I think Sergeant Escrima is as fine a chef as you'll find in this arm of the Galaxy..."
"Is the food organic?" asked Slurry, a dubious expression on his face. "We absolutely insist on that."
"I believe you can take it for granted that Sergeant Escrima's offerings fulfill that requirement," said Beeker, his chin inching upward. "In fact, it is all but impossible to obtain nutrition from inorganic substances."
"The Nanoids seem to do just fine with sand," said Phule, grinning. "But I think. you're missing the point, Beeks." He turned back to the AEIOU team. "In fact, Escrima insists on only the freshest and purest ingredients-I ought to know, since I'm the one paying for them. And he prides himself on being able to supply a satisfying meal to anyone who walks into the mess hall. At the moment, he's responsible for feeding members of at least five different species and I don't know how many ethnicities. So I'm sure you'll find a wide selection of dishes that meet your requirements-unless you insist on your food being bland or overcooked, in which case he'll probably come after you with a red-hot skewer.
Would you like to join us?"
Inspector Gardner chuckled. "I've been eating camp food for long enough that I'm tempted to take you up on it. Unless your chef's an even worse terror than you say..."
"You may be certain he's a terror, sir;" said Beeker. "But I'd advise you to take up the captain's invitation nonetheless. The food is the best on the planet."
"Given the alternatives, I'd be very surprised if it weren't," said Gardner. "Even so, I'd love to join you. But I can only speak for myself. Chief, do you think we can eat here, or do we need to go back to our own camp?"
"Eating here would help conserve our own food supplies," added Slurry. "And it would give us a chance to evaluate the Legion's energy efficiency and waste management procedures."
"You shouldn't judge the Legion as a whole by us," said Lieutenant Rembrandt, earnestly. "To be as clean and green as we are, you have to have a CO who cares about something besides kowtowing to the top brass. Most Legion companies spend so much time trying to avoid getting on the wrong side of headquarters that they can barely achieve their basic mission, let alone worry about the environment."
"Thank you, Lieutenant," said Chief Inspector Snieff. "But I believe I'm going to make my own decision on this company's environmental practices rather than accept the testimony of an undoubtedly biased party. Granted, I haven't found any blatant destruction of vital habitats, or flagrant pollution of the environment-so far. The lack of evidence doesn't mean this company isn't guilty."
"What a convenient system," said Beeker. "Guilty until proven innocent-it must save you ever so much trouble."
"We nearly destroyed Old Earth by giving the antienvironment forces too many loopholes," retorted Snieff. "The AEIOU has sworn never to let that happen again."
"Perhaps you should consult the local inhabitants before you make your decision," said Rembrandt. "The captain has worked very closely with the Zenobians to minimize the impact of this base on their planet. If they're satisfied, why is it your concern?"
"Locals can be very shortsighted," said Slurry. "It's our business to think of the long term."
"Well, at the moment, I'm not thinking any farther ahead than dinner," said Phule, stepping forward to cut off any reply from his officers. "If you all want to join me, now's your chance-and I cannot only promise you the best food on the planet, but one of the best meals you'll ever eat."
Gardner and Slurry both looked at Snieff, but apprehension was clear on their faces as their chief wrinkled her brow, trying to decide. Some of the legionnaires who'd overheard the discussion shook their heads, or grinned ruefully. Escrima's cooking had spoiled them for the kind of rations the AEIOU contingent had undoubtedly brought with them to Zenobia. The inspectors would be sorry if they missed it-but they'd be even sorrier if they accepted the invitation, and then had to go back to their own cooking.