"Hello, sweetie," came Mother's insinuating voice over the intercom in Phule's office. "That cute Ambassador Gottesman is on the line, asking for you."
"Great, put him through," said Phule. He wondered what the Alliance's ambassador was calling about this time. By now, Phule and his Legion company had established themselves as firm favorites with the Diplomatic branch. Their successful peacekeeping mission on Landoor, then their performance in the delicate position of establishing the first Alliance presence in Zenobia, had given State two comparatively easy victories in situations where a good deal had been at stake. But it was too soon for the authorities to be considering a new mission for the Omega Mob. And it was as sure a bet as anything in the galaxy that Gottesman was not spending State's money on an interstellar voice call just to chat up his old friend. Something interesting was undoubtedly on deck.
The light came on, on Phule's desk, then the ambassador's voice came through. "Hello, Captain Jester-I hope all's well out your way," said the ambassador.
"Coming along very smoothly, sir," said Phule. "The Zenobians have pretty much accepted us as the logical go betweens in their attempts to establish relations with the Nanoids. And our talks with the Nanoids have progressed to the point where we can begin to address substantive issues."
"Good, good," said the ambassador. "State's hoping to get a xenological team there to handle these negotiations on a more professional basis, but until one of the two native parties makes a formal request we can't very well stick our nose in. Have you seen any sign that either side is likely to make such a request?"
"Nothing so far, sir," said Phule. "But the Zenobians are still not convinced that the Nanoids aren't off-planet intruders, and to be honest with you we can't prove that, either. We're moving along as best we can, but 1 can't say there's any sign of a major breakthrough yet."
"Well, if you're doing your best, that's likely to be as good a job as anyone can do," said Gottesman. "We'll just have to bide our time. Ghu knows, we're used to that in the diplomatic branch. But here's something you can do for us in the meantime, Captain. 1 understand Zenobia is pretty much an untamed world, out beyond the natives' urban centers."
"I suppose so," said Phule. "Out where we are is certainly wild enough. What do you have in mind, sir?"
The ambassador cleared his throat, and said, "Well, as it happens, we've got a number of civilians who've done the government a few favors over the years, if you know what 1 mean. And it so happens that some of them have gotten the idea that there might be some fairly large game running loose on Zenobia-something on the order of the larger dinosaurs. Am 1 right about that, Captain?"
"Well, there are some fairly large specimens here, if what 1 saw in the zoo back in the capital city is any indication," said Phule. "I can't say I've seen any such in the wild, though-we're out here in the desert, you know, and most of the animals I've seen out here are fairly small although a few of them are pretty nasty. But most of the larger creatures on this world seem to be swamp-dwellers. Anyway, the natives don't really seem to want us trampling through their swamps-I get the idea those are prime recreation areas, from their point of view."
"I see," said the ambassador. "Well, 1 may ask you to talk to some of their people to see if we can get some exceptions made. There are a couple of VIPs who've taken a fancy to do some serious big-game hunting, and they've gotten the notion that some of the beasties there on Zenobia are about as big as they come. Have you heard anything about an animal the natives call a gryff?"
"Not much more than the name," admitted Phule.
"From what the natives say, I'd guess it's a big, slow moving, and rather stupid herbivore. Not very exciting to hunt, I'd imagine."
"Nothing's very exciting to hunt, as far as I'm concerned," said the ambassador. "Much more civilized to play TetraGo in a comfortable chair with a cold drink close to hand. But there's no accounting for tastes. 1 get the impression that if it's big enough, that's all the justification some of these fellows need. How much trouble do you think it'd be to get the Zenobians' permission for a party of off-worlders to come in and bag a few trophies?"
"All can promise is to give it a try." said Phule, dubiously. "Give me a couple of days, and I'll get back to you if 1 can convince them..."
"Great, 1 knew 1 could count on you," said Ambassador Gottesman. "And remember, you can always call on me if you need anything that State can help with. Gotta run..." And he closed the connection.
"Well, the Zenobians aren't going to like this one bit," said Phule, looking across the Office-at Beeker, who'd sat there silently during the call. "I can imagine Chief Potentary Korg's face when 1 run this idea past him."
"Something like this was inevitable, sir," said the butler. "The State Department didn't support you for this assignment out of altruism, you know. It was just a matter of time before the quid pro quo became obvious."
"Well, Gottesman has taken our side against the general more than once;" said Phule. "I can't refuse him something in return. It's only fair."
Beeker sniffed. "There's nothing fair about it," he said. "In fact, it has a distinct odor..."
"So we'll hold our noses and do what we can," said Phule, with a resigned tone. "If the Zenobians say no, that'll be an end to it."
"I doubt it, sir," said Beeker, but Phule wasn't listening.
3
Journal #653
The job description of a junior Legion officer-and make no mistake about it, my employer was extremely junior does not in the normal course of affairs include diplomatic negotiations with the supreme rulers of alien planets. For the most part, a Legion captain is expected to avoid attracting the notice of 'anyone other than his immediate superiors. As far as any actual decision-making, that Is best left to those qualified, which in practice usually means the sergeants nominally under his command.
In this matter as in many others, my employer had made himself the exception, as much by sheer luck as by any great personal initiative. Having been the first human- to make contact with the Zenobians, he found himself invited to lead the first military expedition to the home world of that unusual race. And, more or less by default, once on Zenobia, he became the senior representative of the Alliance government. As a result, he was responsible for the negotiation of all kinds of business between off worlders and the natives.
As the astute reader will already have grasped, this had both its advantages-notably the possibility of putting himself in the position of prime beneficiary of any unusually lucrative business-and its disadvantages. After a number of months on the planet; my employer had just begun to realize just what some of the latter might be.
"That is impossible, Captain," said Chief Potentary Korg. Phule couldn't read the Zenobian leader's face, but there wasn't much doubt about what his words meant. The translator's confidence-level readout was sitting on 93% +/-5%.
Between the languages of two races of sophonts that had evolved on separate planets with no interspecies contact until the last couple of years, electronic translation didn't get any more confident than that. At least, the machine seemed to think so...