would go back to her and most likely lay alongside her, although he told me they hadn't slept together for ages.
How pathetic our stories are when we look back on them half a blink of God's eye later. No, they're also full of avalanches, lions and lionesses in full pursuit, us swaying along suspended bars, scaling rocks and bungee-jumping from a bridge, all to the accompaniment of the organ of the little Church of the Exaltation of the Holy Cross.
'This is Rožmitál, the place where I was born. It was also the birthplace of Jan Jakub Ryba. Can you hear that choir? I used to sing in it: Master, hey! Rise I say! Look out at the sky — splendour shines on high. .
'Look, Jana, that's the house where I was born! And this is where I went to school. What are you smirking for?'
'Because you went to school too, Daddy! You must have been teensy-weensy!'
The sky is bare. There are stars above the avenue of oak trees and so much music that it drowns out everything and for a while I can't hear the rush of my blood or the murmur of my tears.
The phone again.
Twelve-fifteen.
'It's me, Mum.'
'Jana, you should have been home long ago. Where are you calling from?'
'Mum, there aren't any more trams, or rather there are only night trams.'
'I expect so. But that's why you were supposed to be home by midnight.'
'But I didn't notice the time. .'
'That's your fault. And you haven't told me where you're calling from.'
'From Katya's, of course.'
'Take the next night tram and come home.'
'Mum, there's loads of horrible drunks outside, and junkies
too. Katya says I should sleep here. It'll be easier to get home in the morning.'
'Jana, you're coming home right now.'
'There's no point, Mummy, really. It'll take me two hours if I go now. In the morning I'll be home in a jiffy.'
I can hear voices in the background. The voices of some men or other come down the phone line.
'OK, I'll come and fetch you.'
'I couldn't let you do that, Mum. And anyway I bet you've had something to drink.'
'Don't concern yourself about me. Tell me Katya's exact address.'
'No, really, Mum. The cops'll stop you and breathalyse you.'
'Tell me Katya's address right away! Or do I have to look it up in the phone book?'
'I'll come home then, if you're going to make such a fuss.' And that's it. She's hung up. She'll graciously come home. She's still on her way, though goodness knows from where.
7
There wasn't a tram for half an hour. Mum was going to leap up and down and yell at me again, but me and Ruda couldn't afford a taxi; we were completely broke. Anyway we wouldn't have taken one even if we had some money left. We'd sooner try to get a joint. But I didn't want any more today. I'm spaced out enough as it is. When Mum eventually cottons on, there's going to be hell to pay. But that's her fault. She still hasn't realized that I'm not her little girl any more running around like a trained monkey.
Ruda made me go up to the park because he wanted a bit more snogging, but I'd had enough and made faces until he lost the urge. As we were walking past some parked cars he bent over and pulled the valve out of the tyre on some Ford. The tyre hissed and
went flat. We laughed. I know he did it for me, 'cos I can't stand cars, even though I ride in Mum's banger sometimes. I have to.
Ruda isn't much of a talker, he prefers action. That's what's great about him. Once, about a year ago, we were flat broke like now and he says, 'If we want to shoot, we'll have to find some loot.' And he takes us down to some old flats in Vršovice, saying he knows of a flat where the people are always away. I was really scared and told him I'd sooner stay outside. But he says, 'Don't be daft. You're not even fifteen. They can't do anything to you.' So we go right to the top of the building and there's this big wide door. Ruda had a piece of rusty old iron under his coat and used it to break open the door. Katya had to stay in the passage and keep watch. We went inside and Ruda blocked the door with the iron bar. I was still really scared about being in someone else's flat and afraid I'd get nabbed and sent to approved school. Ruda yells at me that I'm paranoid but I couldn't really hear him, and I couldn't see anything around me either, except for two stupid angels hanging on the wall with golden wings growing right out of their heads. Ruda pulled them off the wall and stuffed one of them in his rucksack. He wrapped the other one in some rag or other and shoved it in my arms for me to carry. But I just couldn't because my arms and legs were shaking like a jelly and I started to cry. So Ruda grabbed the other one too and shoved me out the door. It wouldn't close any more so we rushed down the stairs and I could hear the door creaking and banging. It was so loud they must have heard it in the street. It was horrendous.
Ruda didn't talk to me for eighty years after that.
Two cops had just got out of their tank.
Ruda spotted them first and beat it. I don't blame him. He's done approved school and a year inside; you never know what they'll do when they nab someone who's done time. They didn't look more than twenty. 'Another virgin in chains,' one of them says to me and asks for my ID.
I pretended I couldn't find it and asked him to explain what I'd
done. I told them that while they were wasting time with me, someone round the corner was pinching a car or knocking off some old lady.
'Shut your trap!' said the one who had stood and watched so far. 'Or you'll be sorry!'
So at last I pulled out my ID and the one of them who could possibly read thumbed through it and then looked in some list or other. 'You're not even fifteen.' He couldn't even do his sums. 'How come you're not at home?'
'I'm a year older,' I pointed out to him, 'and I'm outside because we've got a flood at home.'
'What have you got?'
'No, really. The bedroom's flooded. It's only just drying out.'
The only reply he could think of was to tell me to shut my trap again. They handed back my ID but they didn't say thank you. They just told me to clear off.
'I'm waiting for a tram,' I said. 'That's allowed, isn't it?'
They didn't give a fuck about the fact that some old wino was throwing his guts up just behind me and they moved off with the refined gait of two thoroughbred stallions. What a laugh! Dumbos. Horrendous. But at least they helped pass the time and I was still really spaced out, high as a kite. But I knew I'd start to come down, and then I usually feel bad. Mum will have to notice it one day. I bet she's waiting for me. She couldn't do me a favour and spare me her carping. I'll have to pretend I hung around at Katya's. If she only knew! If ever she suspected where I'm sleeping when I say I'm at Katya's. If ever she found out about Ruda she'd be in shock for at least a year.
'I'll end up killing you one of these days,' she's told me at least a thousand times. But she won't kill me. She's more likely to do herself harm, from what I know of her. She suffers from downers and she's always pissed off or tired because she spends all her time drilling in people's gobs and she's got no real enjoyment in the world. Sometimes she goes spare and yells at me and when she
gets over it she tells me I'm all she has. I'm sorry for her, but it's not my fault that Dad did a runner on her and now I'm all she's got. Anyway there's no reason for her to stay on her own. Any time we go out somewhere together, such as to the theatre, there are guys eyeing her all the time. Actually she's quite pretty, particularly when she's smiling or when she's singing.
A fifty-seven at last. The wino behind me had another quick spew and we climbed aboard. In the tram I caught sight of Foxie and her Fox. They were totally smashed. Foxie was sitting on his lap and wobbling her green-tinted head around like a resuscitated mummy. I had something going with the Fox last year too, but only about three times, because I found him boring. Now he just nodded to me and invited me to some bender they were on their way to.