‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ Alison said in an obstinate whisper, though she knew, of course, that it was ridiculous to go on repeating that.
‘Oh, yes, you do.’ He spoke quite gently and, putting out his hand, he lightly took her by her wrist The touch of his fingers on her arm was almost imperceptible, and yet for some reason she felt vaguely frightened. ‘Even now you can scarcely keep your thoughts on what I’m saying, because you’re wondering frightenedly what she is saying to him.’
Alison gave him a quick, scared look, and then dropped her eyes.
‘You know as well as I do that Rosalie was always an obsession with him,’ Simon went on quietly. ‘She is physically attractive to him in a way no other woman could ever be.’
Alison winced angrily, but could think of nothing to stop him. She could only wonder bewilderedly why Simon should think it necessary to say all this to her.
‘Just to see her is enough to unnerve him,’ he told her. ‘You noticed it, too, to-night.’
‘Oh, why did she have to be here?’ Alison broke in bitterly. ‘I thought we should be safe with people from Julian’s office. I don’t know even now how she could have come.’
‘I brought her.’.
‘You, Simon! But how could you, if you-you understand as much as you say? How could you do anything so cruel?’
‘Perhaps I thought it would be the best thing in the end.’ Simon never took his eyes from her face, and for a moment hers met his in bewilderment.
‘You mean you thought it best that Julian should get used to seeing her as soon as possible?’
Simon smiled and shook his head.
‘Oh, no. I’m afraid my motives were not so unselfish. If I wanted to be trite, Alison dear, I might remind you that all’s fair in love and war.’
‘But’-Alison frowned-’you don’t mean that your sympathies are with Rosalie?’
Simon gave a little shout of laughter.
‘Good God, no! Won’t you understand, you darling little fool? It’s not Rosalie or Julian I’m interested in. Let them make a success of it or a hash of it together. I don’t care. Only let them do whatever they’re going to do quickly, so that you won’t go on eating your heart out for someone who can’t appreciate you.’
‘I think you must be mad.’ Alison tried to get to her feet. But he held her back, and with a sudden, quick movement he had her lying in his arms.
‘Of course I’m mad. Every man’s mad when he’s as much in love as I am. What are Rosalie or Julian or any of them to me? It’s you-you-you. Do you understand now? I’ve never cared a farthing for any woman before, but I wanted you the first time I saw you.’
‘Don’t!’ Alison struggled terrifiedly. It’s you who won’t understand. It’s Julian I love.’
‘Julian!’ Simon’s voice was almost a whisper, but burning with contempt. ‘Julian!-who pats you on the head, treats you like a child, and, I suppose, sleeps on the sofa because there’s only one bedroom in his flat. That’s all the use Julian has for you-while all the time you were made for this.’
And, before she could stop him, his mouth was on hers-not lightly, not laughingly, this time, but with an intensity of passion that left her lips feeling bruised and burning.
CHAPTER VIII
FOR a long moment there was silence, except for the sound of dance-music coming faintly from the ballroom beyond.
Then Simon spoke at last.
‘Well’-his voice sounded slightly defiant-’have you nothing at all to say to me?’
He stared down at her as she lay perfectly still now in his arms, her eyes half closed and her cheeks very pale.
She raised her heavy lashes then.
‘What do you expect me to say, Simon?’
He gave a half-vexed little laugh.
‘Reproaches of some sort, I suppose,’ he admitted. ‘At any rate at first.’
‘Yes. I shouldn’t think it feels specially nice to know you’ve been so brutal and-beastly.’
‘I’m sorry, my darling.’ He spoke eagerly now, and tenderly. Lifting her very gently, he put her back on the settee, piling the cushions behind her and making her comfortable.
‘See-I won’t even touch your hand. I know, I always frighten you a little, don’t I? I forget that you’re so young and gentle and unawakened. But I’ll remember now, Alison. I’ll never frighten you like that again Only I had to make you listen to me. You must listen to me now.’
She made a gesture of protest.
‘Haven’t you said more than enough already?’
‘No. Because I’ve only said the things that frighten and revolt you. I’ve made you think I can’t be anything but passionate and violent, And it isn’t true, Alison dear. There’s tenderness for you too, and warmth and gentleness.’
She saw that he was pale with the intensity of his own feelings, and for a moment she felt almost sorry for him. There was something strangely moving in the sight of such burning, suppressed emotion in anyone who was usually so cool.
‘I’m sorry, Simon,’ she said quietly. ‘I’m really sorry if you feel so deeply about me, but it isn’t the slightest good. No, wait’-as he made a quick movement to interrupt her. ‘You must understand that it’s Julian I love, and you must please remember that I am Julian’s wife. Do you think it’s quite-decent of you to be making violent love to me now, whatever the circumstances?’
‘And do you think I care a damn about the decencies?’ He spoke in a low, rapid voice. ‘I love you, I tell you. I never guessed that anything could be like this-this welter of pain and rapture. I’ve taken everything so lightly before -gambled on every chance and not cared much if I won or lost. But now I can’t do that. I’ve stumbled on something quite different. It matters too much-and it hurts too much -for me to dare to take any chances. I want to be sure of it. For the first time in my life, I want security and reassurance about something. It’s odd, Alison, but for the first time in my life I think I’m afraid.’
‘Poor Simon. I’m so sorry.’ She put out her hand and just touched his arm.
He bent his head quickly at that and kissed her hand, but very gently this time.
‘I wish I hadn’t got to hurt you,’ she said with a sigh. ‘Life seems. to be made up of hurting and being hurt nowadays. But if I love Julian it-it’s no kindness for me to pretend anything else, is it?’
‘There’s such a thing as bowing to the inevitable-and beginning again.’ He sat there with his head a little bent, not quite daring, perhaps, to meet her eyes. ‘I don’t want to recite unwelcome truths again, but it is Rosalie that Julian wants. If you let the-obvious happen between those two, you would end what can’t be anything but pain and humiliation for you. And you would be free-to begin again.’
‘Simon, look at me.’
Alison spoke sharply, and like someone much older than her years. A little reluctantly he raised his eyes and met hers.
‘What you are really suggesting-if you strip off the high-sounding words-is that I should try to force on an affair between Rosalie and Julian, so that I can get rid of him and marry you. Is that it?’
Simon moved restlessly.
‘I don’t care how it’s done,’ he said roughly, ‘so long as you’re mine and not Julian’s.’
‘And I don’t care what sort of a fool you think I am to stay with Julian. I will not have Rosalie ruin his life for him now,’ Alison retorted angrily.
‘Well then, for God’s sake leave Rosalie out of it, and come down to the bare fact that I want you, and Julian doesn’t. Come away with me. I’ll make you love me, make you happy. And in the end Julian will be more relieved than anything else to find himself free again.’
‘I think we’ve said enough on the subject,’ Alison said coldly, and, sick and trembling though she was, she got to her feet with determination. ‘Please don’t suggest any more variations on this-theme of elopements and affaires. They don’t happen to interest me.’