“Believe me, the opportunity to do so is the only reason I agreed to come here.” Guilt pricked Nathan when Colin’s jaw tightened, but it was better he told the bald truth. There were already enough lies between them.
“Evidenced by the fact that you haven’t been home in three years,” Colin murmured.
Yes, three years. Three years since his life had changed so drastically. Three years of burying memories and striving to find peace. Of finding a place where he belonged, where the past didn’t linger around every corner. “I’ve written.”
“Infrequently.”
“My time was consumed with finding a place to settle. Establishing myself.”
“Which happened to be three hundred miles from here.”
“Yes. In a place where no one knew me. Where no one knew what happened.”
“Leaving as you did only made you look more guilty.”
“Everyone believed me guilty anyway, so I cannot see that it mattered.”
They exchanged a long, measuring look. Then Colin said, “I was surprised that you gave up so easily. That you didn’t fight to clear your name. You’d never before been a quitter.”
“Well, I guess you didn’t know me as well as you believed.”
“Apparently not.”
“Or I you.” Another look passed between them, then Nathan said, “At least at a distance of three hundred miles I’m not subjected to the whispers and stares. Which is one reason my ‘beasts,’ as you call them, are so important to me. They care nothing of my past. They do not judge me. They can’t hurt me.”
“And that is how you wish to live? Feeling nothing?”
“Avoiding rejection and pain is not the same as feeling nothing.”
“It’s been three years, Nathan. It’s time for you to move on.”
“I have.”
“I meant more than geographically.”
“And I have. It’s just that this place… being here is… difficult.” His gaze dropped to Colin’s leg, which he knew bore scars. “Have you so easily forgotten?”
“Of course not. And neither has Gordon. But neither Gordon nor I have allowed what happened to rule us.”
Nathan nearly flinched at the name. Gordon… Earl of Alywck… boyhood friend and neighbor. Another man who’d almost lost his life, whose body bore scars because of that final disastrous mission for the Crown. Because of me…
“Neither of you were accused of stealing the jewels. Neither of you lost your honor. Your reputation.” Lost everything. “Neither of you were responsible for…” Nathan’s voice trailed off and he clenched his jaw so tight his teeth ached.
“You saved my life, Nathan. Gordon’s as well.”
A bitter sound erupted from Nathan. Yes, he’d succeeded in repairing the physical damage, but he’d failed in so many other ways. Ways he had no desire to think about or relive. He’d never forget the accusing doubt in Colin’s eyes. And it was no less than he deserved.
Determined to steer the conversation back onto lighter topics, he said, “I suppose our guests will be arriving today.”
Colin stared at him for several seconds, then slowly nodded, clearly taking the hint. Excellent. Nathan had endured all the reminiscing he could stand for one day.
“Yes. Lady Victoria and her aunt are expected today,” Colin agreed. “Lady Victoria… can’t say that I recall her very well, other than a vague remembrance that she was remarkably pretty.”
Years of practice allowed Nathan to keep his features perfectly composed. He remembered Lady Victoria only too well. “Probably you don’t remember her because on the occasion we were together you abandoned the chit to me while you spoke to her aunt, Lord Wexhall’s sister.”
“Hmmm, yes. No doubt you’re correct. Lady Delia was quite an entertaining character as I recall.”
“Not that I would know,” Nathan said with a pointed look, “as I was the one with Lady Victoria foisted upon him.”
“Foisted? Odd, I seem to recall that you rather commandeered her and asked her to show you the ghastly family portraits.” Colin nodded slowly, and Nathan well recognized the gleam in his brother’s eyes. And it suddenly struck him how much he’d missed it. “I also recall that your feathers were quite ruffled after your, um, conversation with the lovely Lady Victoria.”
Nathan slammed the door on the flood of memories that demanded entrance. “Nothing of the sort. I simply did not enjoy conversing with a supercilious child.” He dispassionately marveled at his ability to still lie so effortlessly. Clearly some things never changed. Yet, the hollow ache in his gut indicated that perhaps the lying wasn’t achieved so effortlessly after all.
“Conversing? Is that what you were doing in that dimly lit room that rendered your hair mussed? And at eighteen, Lady Victoria was hardly a child,” Colin said, the gleam glowing brighter.
“She certainly behaved like one, chattering inanely about the weather and fashion.”
“Well now, at twenty-one, even by your standards she is a child no longer. And Lord Wexhall is sending her here. According to his note, he expects you to look after her. How very interesting.”
“And how precisely would you know what my note from Lord Wexhall contained?”
“I read it.”
“I don’t recall giving you permission to do so.”
“I’m certain you meant to, as you left it lying on a table in the library.”
“I’m certain I did no such thing.” Damn Colin and his superior pickpocketing skills. Well, he might be light-fingered, but an expert cipher he was not. Even if he’d studied Lord Wexhall’s missive at length, he wouldn’t have been able to decode the secret message it contained. Guilt pricked Nathan for not sharing the hidden contents of Lord Wexhall’s note with Colin, but he wanted to wait until he had further information before doing so. No point in dragging Colin into a situation that could potentially be dangerous until he knew exactly what the situation was.
Colin waved his hand in a dismissive gesture. “Perhaps it was a table in the drawing room. How did Lord Wexhall put it in his letter? Oh, yes. ‘I expect you to take care of Victoria and see that no harm comes to her,’ ” he recited in a sonorous voice. “I wonder what sort of harm he believes might befall her?”
“Probably thinks she’ll wander off and fall from a cliff. Or overspend in the village shops.”
Colin cocked an eloquent brow. “Perhaps. Note how he said you. Note how I was not mentioned at all. The chit is completely your responsibility. Of course, if she’s as lovely as I recall, I perhaps could be persuaded to assist you in looking after her.”
Nathan blamed the heat that scorched him on the unseasonably warm afternoon. Bloody hell, this conversation was bringing on the headache. “Excellent. Allow me to persuade you. I’ll give you one hundred pounds if you’ll watch over her,” Nathan offered in a light tone completely at odds with the tension consuming him.
“No.”
“Five hundred.”
“No.”
“A thousand pounds.”
“Absolutely not.” Colin grinned. “For starters, given the fact that you’re routinely paid with farm beasts, I doubt that you have a thousand pounds, and unlike you, I’ve no wish to be paid with things that make ‘mooing’ sounds. Then, no amount of money would be worth giving up seeing you do something you so clearly do not wish to do, as in acting as caretaker to a woman you think is a spoiled, irritating twit.”
“Ah, yes, the reasons I stayed away for three years all come rushing back.”
“In fact,” Colin continued as if Nathan hadn’t spoken, “I’ll give you a hundred pounds-in actual currency-if you’re able to carry out your duty to Lady Victoria without me witnessing you fighting with her.”
Well accustomed to Colin’s tricky nature, Nathan said, “Define fighting.”