54 Speaking now only or wholly ever all in borrowed language.
55 “I am the witness, I am the only witness of myself. This crust of words, these imperceptible whispered transformations of my thought, of that small part of my thought which I claim has already been formulated, and which miscarries.” Antonin Artaud, The Nerve Meter.
56 “True sadness, said whoever wrote it, is when you have nothing left to say, or nothing left to add, when you have exhausted, he said, all the resources of language, to make understood, something, to someone, who understands nothing.” Christian Gailly, Red Haze.
57 Iranzo, Schenck, and Fonte, 534.
58 Leger, 117.
59 Ascher and Schotte, 76.
60 Swann’s Way, 46–47.
61 Ibid.
62 History of Madness, 520.
63 “A person who thinks all the time has nothing to think about except thoughts. So he loses touch with reality, and lives in a world of illusion.” Alan Watts.
64 Really? Again? We have to? Do we have to?
65 “But I haven’t told everything.” Clarice Lispector.
66 Even if you close the book, the book goes on.
67 Go to the bank, the post office, call that woman back, eat some candy, write the e-mails, run, walk, talk to someone, do something, make something, cell phones, doorways, doorknobs, doors.
68 Should “myself” always be written out “my self” or even “my Self,” or simply “self”? Would I smack or want to smack somebody asking me this question out loud? What is the best way to smack the me inside me?
69 Writing, writing about writing, writing about writing about writing. Holes.
70 Down as a direction, as a way, as an expression, an emotion, color, down as something to wrap the body in, Down as a shitty rap rock band from the nineties, I think. Down as down, the opposite of many other things, all with variable expressions. Down. I’m down. I’m in. I’m there. I’m in there.
71 “Writer sitting and/or talking to himself being no more than renewed verification that he exists.” David Markson.
72 I can never remember any jokes, good or bad, in any situation, even having just heard one; in and out.
73 “I look at a tree and exhort myself to remember a specific leaf whose odd shape and burnished colors appear unique, because I’ll never see that leaf again, I tell myself, but then I forget it, remembering just the admonition not to forget it.” Lynne Tillman.
74 Mumbling, drugs, death, talking, microphones, drugs, sound.
75 Another thought begetting thought begetting thought begetting.
76 Other men have dicks, and balls.
77 I should have run longer today, a little further, burned more skin off, burned more weight, what is actually inside a guy, I mean a gut.
78 Body portal, full of teeth, saliva, bacteria, slick gums.
79 The first burger served to whom in which room?
80 The meat that isn’t even meat, the steam clogged in the crack, the fake veins, the tumor that woman pulled out of one, the gushy bite in, teeth, incisors, ouch.
81 The idea of eating something referred to as a “nugget.”
82 The collapsed ex-body inside my body, wanting, wanting back into the light.
83 Seems like I should get sick more often than I do. Seems dumb to type that and leave it typed there. Seems dumb to say it’s dumb and then leave it typed there anyway. Seems.
84 I like to stop on the treadmill with the LCD reading 432.1 calories or 33:33 minutes or 4.00 miles, and, on more crystalline days, some incidental cross of more than one.
85 I prefer like in Sling Blade when they say it “extry,” seems to mean a whole lot more.
86 This day is gone as it begins, even before I get to begin to waste it. Run around.
87 Am. I am. Swam, or swimming. Swat team. A-Team. Guns. Fire. Forest. Mountain climbing. I can’t imagine fathering a child. I can’t imagine my child ever reading that I wrote that, if I do have one. The complex history of personal hate. Hair. Money. Pigs. Sun. Superpowers. Stop.
88 “The time from going to bed at night to rising in the morning is all continuous, with no interruption, no suppression of consciousness. .. The nightmare continues uninterrupted and, in the morning, start what, since there’s no difference since the night before? That new life doesn’t exist. The whole day is a trial, it’s the continuation of the trial.” Cioran.
89 You’ve got to start somewhere, might as well be now.
90 “Each fall made a channel.” Joyelle McSweeney, Flet.
91 “In my desiring perception I discover something like a flesh of objects.” Sartre.
92 The words and sound and light I could have packed into me. More cells, more smudge, more hair. Why doesn’t hair grow hair? Does it?
93 The word repeats until it never does again.
94 Stop.
95 “A system of mirrors that would multiply my image to infinity and reflect its essence in a single image would then reveal to me the soul of the universe, which is hidden in mine.” Calvino.
96 Stop.
97 The light rind of silent hair, the butt ridge, the anus.
98 How a week used to feel like some strong unit and now feels more like two or three days. The halving and halving of the halving. Having. Hey.
99 The day beginning before I even go to wake, technically, that click of hour between 11:59 PM and the hour default and blinking in new clocks.
100 Next next, oof off, boom boom. Hey hi. Hello. Ding dong. Bah bah. Baby. Hey. Hey. Hi. Stop.
101 Cycle, cycle within the cycle, cycle within the cycle within the cycle, holes.
102 “Correction of the correction of the correction of the correction.”
103 “What variety and at the same time what monotony, how varied it is and at the same time how, what’s the word, how monotonous. What agitation and at the same time what calm, what vicissitudes within what changelessness.” Beckett, “Texts for Nothing 9.”
104 “The connections are the important thing they don’t exist before you make them.” Ronald Sukenick.
105 “That’s right, wordshit, bury me, avalanche, and let there be no more talk of any creature, nor of a world to leave, nor of a world to reach, in order to have done, with worlds, with creatures, with words, with misery, misery.” Beckett, “Texts for Nothing 9.”
106 “All nights are equal.” Jean-Luc Nancy, The Fall of Sleep.
107 “Whose voice, no one’s, there is no one, there’s a voice without a mouth, and somewhere a kind of hearing, something compelled to hear, and somewhere a hand. ..” Beckett, “Texts for Nothing 11.”
108 http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/sleep.
109 Adapted from Smyrnaeus’s epic poem “The Fall of Troy.”
110 Galen, “On Diagnosis in Dreams.” (http://www.ucl.ac.uk/~ucgajpd/medicina%20antiqua/tr_GalDreams.html).
111 Stearns, Rowland, and Genefke, 349.
112 Discipline and Punish, 3.
113 Critique of Pure Reason, 138.
114 Much of the historical details regarding innovations in sleep theory found here was derived from Thorpy and Yager’s The Encyclopedia of Sleep and Sleep Disorders.
115 Hammond, 19.
116 Stearns, 345.
117 Ibid., 350.
118 Ibid., 352.
119 Ibid., 357.
120 Ibid., 359.
121 Ibid., 355.
122 “Texts for Nothing 11.”
123 History of Madness, 471.
124 http://www.infoukes.com/history/inventions.
125 Goldsmith, 219.
126 A Thousand Plateaus, 268.
127 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Temazepam.