Federico followed Frank back into the dining room, which was now completely empty. Well, it was no wonder and it was no surprise. Frank immediately realized that Gracie wasn’t going to sit around while he caused a scene. Besides, he was doomed. His complete failure to control his impulses had again prevented him from doing what was most important to him. He was deeply shaken. He stared into the empty room until Federico moved around in front of him, spread his hands in inquiry and, with wide sparkling eyes, asked, “Where is the little woman of our earlier discussion?”
“She bugged out,” said Frank, still defensively locked into his forties movie slouch. He didn’t know how to go on to the next thing. This little Mediterranean type seemed maddeningly precise. It brought out the dormant galoot within him.
“Frank, I repeat my earlier question: are you okay?”
Frank decided to try something. He said, “No, I’m not okay.” He let his face collapse. The hell with being okay.
“Was there really a wife?”
“There was. It doesn’t matter if you believe me. We were just hungry. We were going to eat together.” Then he added in stifled despair that could have broken out in a howl, “We could never get a waiter.”
“Frank, have a seat. I am going to cook for you. Don’t panic, Frank. I believe you. Do not, I repeat do not, jump to your feet and chase the little wife around the town. Take some time out for a beautiful meal. You have to change your timing. You look like a lunatic. The little woman will run from such a face.”
Frank sat down obediently.
“I am going to prepare you a meal and then I am going to sit down with you and tell you how to be with the woman.”
It seemed a legitimate challenge not to blow sky high, not to race into the street in geekish pursuit, not to be so blatantly needy, though it was questionable what he might hope to conceal from Gracie. Eating mysterious food with this swarthy man, whose restaurant had given him such poor service that he lost a longed-for opportunity of contact with his estranged wife, was going to test his great desire for grace under pressure. He was jumping out of his skin. He didn’t want to hear about the woman and how to be with her.
“And now,” said Federico, “I am going to the kitchen.”
Frank kept up the slouch and waved him on his way. The hand with which he waved, resting across the back of the chair so recently occupied by Gracie, swung idly at the wrist. Oh, this is good, thought Frank. He pursed his lips in an expression of leisure he had sometimes observed, eyes elevated into a middle distance. He had lost all sense of natural behavior. He found himself to be peckish and tried speculating on the approaching meal. He imagined that Gracie was somewhere nearby, expecting his footsteps at any time. That’s not a crazy idea, he thought.
The sound system came on, Elton John singing “Daniel.” A few moments later, Federico appeared and set a bottle of wine on the table, saying, “Valpolicella,” pausing to listen to the music and singing along: “Must be the clouds in my eyes.” Federico left the room and Frank checked his watch. He had a glass of wine. He was to do this several times and actually begin to perspire before Federico returned in triumph. “Il primo!” he said, and placed two dishes on the table. “Spaghettini al carrettiere.” Some kind of spaghetti deal, Frank surmised, and began to eat. He was ravenous already, but this would have made him ravenous. He mumbled respectfully and moved his eyebrows up and down in appreciation. Nice little guy, thought Frank. I guess he’s an Italian.
“I saw the pope on TV here a while back,” said Frank amiably when he finally had an empty mouth.
“That Polack,” said Federico, a sharp pinch appearing in his forehead. “Let’s not talk about him. I mean, kiss my ring, please!”
“This is delicious,” said Frank.
“Yes, it is,” said Federico. He got up and went out to the kitchen. There was some shouting out there, dominated by Federico’s voice. Evidently, he had someone still helping him in the kitchen. Frank shot his cuff and had another look at his watch. He’d been here a long, long time. He drank another glass of wine. He still hadn’t heard how to handle the woman. The wine took the slipperiness off his teeth. He couldn’t understand Federico, but somehow Federico had deprived him of his momentum. The pasta was delicious, but it was more than enough for lunch. It was a sunny day outside; he had really pressing things to do and somehow, increasingly against his will, he was imprisoned in this kitsch grotto waiting for more food. Time seemed to crawl.
At length, Federico reappeared with two more plates and another bottle of wine clamped under his arm. “Il secondo! Fagioli dell’ occhio con salsiccia.”
“I’ve never seen this before,” said Frank, looking at the plate.
“You wanted a cheeseburger?”
“No, no, no. This looks wonderful.” He took an appreciative bite. It was wonderful. Federico uncorked the second bottle of wine and refilled their glasses.
“The woman …” Federico mused as he raised his glass to his lips. “She is sitting on a fortune.”
Frank felt a glow go through his head. “How can you be so vulgar?”
He looked down at the beautifully variegated textures of black-eyed peas, plum tomatoes and sausages in olive oil and garlic sauce. He didn’t seem to have any problems and he had quit looking at his watch. He was having a wonderful experiment in sedation. Federico looked twisted all right, but twisted in a fanciful, harmless way, like a gnome.
“Little more vino,” he said.
Frank poured. “Were you born in Italy?” he asked.
“Naw, Roundup.”
“Roundup?”
“Yeah, they got everything in Roundup.” The continental accent was gone. “Major Serb hangout since I don’t know when. And … there was a time when Dean fuckin’ Martin coulda run for mayor. Hey!” he shouted.
A voice came back from the kitchen.
“Put on Dean Martin!”
“Look, Federico —”
“Fred. Federico is just my restaurant name.”
“Fred, this has been great —”
“And free.”
“Oh, well, that’s nice, good, thank you. But look, I’ve got to get going now. Really, I’m going to have to eat and run.”
Fred was raising his forefinger in the air, the ball of the first digit now at eye level to Frank. “One thing, Frank.”
“Yes?”
“Before the bank gets involved under a reorganization, why don’t you discount the hell out of your clinic and sell it to me. You know they’re coming. This leaves them holding the bag, what every red-blooded American boy desires.”
Frank was horrified that this information was so general. “Do I know they’re coming?”
“You know they’re coming. I know who you are, Frank. I think you realize that.”
Frank considered the light fog in his brain and decided he could rise above it. He cleared his dishes to one side of the table and felt things slow down gracefully. He looked across the table, mentally measuring Fred, and said, “Make me an offer.”
Fred had his right elbow on the table and was leaning on his hand. He straightened up and turned the hand so that the palm faced the ceiling. “Where do I start?”
“With an acceptable price. That’s the fastest.”
Fred smiled. “What do you think it’s worth?”
“Fred, I can’t buy it and sell it at the same time. Make me an offer.”
“Make you an offer …”
“Yeah, like pull up your Fruit of the Looms and go for it.”
This was getting pretty close to what Frank and his friends in high school referred to as the family jewels. This would shoot right to the heart of a Dean Martin fan.