When he finally disappeared behind the bushes, I stood up and slowly began to make my way down the hilltop, heading towards the lights of the town, from where I had come.
29
AI LING
Through the thin veil of sleep, Ai Ling heard the faint chirping of birds coming from outside the hotel room. She got quietly out of bed, not wanting to wake Wei Xiang up, who was murmuring in his sleep. She leant over to plant a kiss on his shoulder. Peeking through the half-drawn curtains, she accidentally scared the birds on the window ledge into flight. Standing where she was, she could catch a sliver of the sea. She inhaled deeply; the day was still brimming with newness. She glanced over at the bed, at the sleeping figure of Wei Xiang. She would wake him up later for breakfast, after her run.
Slipping into the toilet, Ai Ling brushed her teeth and doused her face with cold water. She noted that the lines around her eyes had deepened, and the freckles on her cheeks seemed darker after a day under the sun. What did you expect? You’re not getting any younger, she chided herself. She put on some moisturiser and sunblock, and tied her hair up in a ponytail. Back in the room, she changed into a T-shirt and running shorts. Wei Xiang’s dream talk was getting louder now, though Ai Ling could not make out his garbled speech. She made a mental note to check with Wei Xiang about his dream later. Unlike Ai Ling, Wei Xiang could always remember his dreams, able to narrate them with so much detail that it felt like something that had actually happened to him, instead of something culled from the hidden catacombs of his mind. She placed her hand on his arm and kissed his damp forehead, breathing in the muskiness of his sleeping body. She loved this particular smell of Wei Xiang, which had never failed to trigger a physical longing. Her touch promptly calmed Wei Xiang down, his words turning to soft grunts.
Picking up the room key from the bedside table, Ai Ling took another glance at Wei Xiang before leaving. A short run to the beach; she aimed to be back at the hotel before 8.30am, before everyone was up.
They had walked to the beach from the restaurant the night before, after bidding good night to Cody and Chee Seng, who had wanted to return to the hotel to rest before heading out later to check out the bars and dance clubs along Bangla Road. Since it was still early, Wei Xiang suggested a stroll to enjoy the evening breeze. Walking with no destination in mind, they came to a quiet stretch of Patong Beach.
“The moon is hanging really low tonight,” Wei Xiang said, nodding towards the sea, where the moon was hovering above the dark sweep of the water. Ai Ling dug her toes into the warm sand, the trapped heat engulfing her feet. Wei Xiang, with his arm around Ai Ling’s shoulders, pulled her closer to him.
“Are you okay? You seem distracted,” Wei Xiang said. Ai Ling broke away and walked to the edge of the water.
“I’m okay. Just tired, after all the rushing about the whole day,” Ai Ling replied. Wei Xiang trailed behind, giving her the space he could sense she wanted. Ai Ling stared up at the moon, feeling the tension slowly easing out of her.
“You want to head back to the hotel now? To rest early?” Wei Xiang asked.
“No, I want to stay here for a while,” Ai Ling said.
“Sure, as long as you want.”
“Don’t you like the sea at night?”
“I do. The sound of the waves is very calming. I could stay here and fall asleep to the sound.”
“Do you want to?”
“What?”
“Stay here and sleep on the beach?”
“No, I’m just saying. I don’t think that would be safe. Who knows what could happen? We might get robbed.”
“Worse, we might get swept up by the waves and cast out into the sea while we sleep.”
“Yeah, right. Cast out into the sea.”
Ai Ling chuckled and reached for Wei Xiang. They walked farther down the beach, passing other couples lying on the sand or hidden in the shadows, dark moving silhouettes. They nearly tripped over a pair of lovers; the woman let out a cry of annoyance. They apologised and walked away quickly, suppressing their laughter.
“Come on, let’s do it here,” Wei Xiang said, slipping his arm around Ai Ling’s waist, pushing into her for a kiss.
“No, let me go,” Ai Ling said, shaking him off.
“Come on, we’ll be making love under the moon. So romantic.”
“No, it’s not! Silly man.”
Ai Ling laughed and skipped across the warm sand. Wei Xiang caught up with her and they walked on. The lights and sounds from the bars, cafes and ice-cream shops near the beachfront had faded away, leaving them in near-absolute silence and darkness, except for the waves and the bright moonlight that made the sand glow with a bluish luminescence. Ai Ling looked around her and, for an instant, felt the sharp thrill of solitude, of being separated from everyone else. She relished this sensation much deeper than she expected.
“It’s really dark here. Perhaps we should head back,” Wei Xiang said.
“No, it’s good here. Let’s stay for a while more.”
They came face to face with a jagged wall of rocks and Ai Ling began to climb it, without checking first with Wei Xiang, who followed. They found a spot among the rocks, overlooking a small inlet that was surrounded by huge boulders and jutting rock formations. Slightly out of breath from the climb, they sat and looked out into the sea. For some time, they were deep in their own thoughts, not speaking. The night heaved around them, holding them still.
The longtail boats anchored a short distance away from the shore were bobbing in the gentle waves. Shading her eyes from the sunlight, Ai Ling peered out to the horizon where the sky dissolved into the sea, into a deeper shade of blue. She fixed her gaze at the dividing line, which seemed so infinite, so far away.
Already there was a small crowd of people on the beach. Young parents with toddlers playing near the water; a few old men casting their fishing rods from the breakwater, handmade cigarettes dangling from their mouths; morning joggers, flushed from the exertion of running on sand. The food hawkers had already set up their stalls along the pavement beside the beach, the smell of frying oil carried into Ai Ling’s nose. She felt nausea rise up her throat and suppressed the urge to throw up; her morning sickness was worsening. Removing her shoes, she stepped onto the cool sand of the beach. The receding tide had smoothed out the surface, leaving behind dark trails of seaweed and crushed seashells. Ai Ling picked up the carcass of a tiny crab and examined its exoskeleton. A distant cry of a child broke her concentration; a small Caucasian boy was sitting at the edge of the water, stricken at being overcome by the waves. A young woman ran towards him, extending her arms, laughing.
Ai Ling walked into the surf. Her first contact with the cold water sent a chilling pulse of electricity up her spine. She sank her feet into the wet sand; the waves pulled away for a moment before sweeping over her feet again. She stood stock-still, enjoying the pleasure of the water and the alternating exposure to the cool air. She lifted her head to the sun.
She should have told Wei Xiang about the pregnancy last night when she’d had the chance. Yet her old fears had held her back. She was after all still in the early stages, only six weeks along. She had grown suspicious after a spate of vomiting in the mornings; the doctor later confirmed the fact. She knew she would have to keep the news to herself for the time being, until… until when? She did not know. After the last miscarriage, she had become more fearful of the way life could take away indiscriminately. There would certainly be, she knew, another chance to tell Wei Xiang. She had to be patient and wait out her anxiety.