PRETTY RUDY: The name don’t inspire fear. (Assumes announcer voice) Hi, my name is Silent and I kill silently... like mold.
JETHRO JOHNNY: Why you bustin’ my balls? I didn’t give him that name. His older homegirls probably nicknamed him when he was a chavalo. Couldn’t say no.
PRETTY RUDY: Fucked-up Snow White dwarf nicknames: Dinky, Blinky, Smiley, (unintelligible) Dopey. What next? Nice Eyes? Sensitivo? (Laughs into coughing fit)
JETHRO JOHNNY: Awright, I get it. You didn’t like Silent.
PRETTY RUDY: Hey, is it true his crew didn’t know whether to nickname him Silent or Baby Powder Scent? (Laughing, more coughing)
JETHRO JOHNNY: Can a motherfucker finish a story?
PRETTY RUDY: Yeah, go for it. Dispensa. (Still chuckling)
JETHRO JOHNNY: You got it out of your system, Giggles Gomez?
PRETTY RUDY: Yeah, yeah. Done.
JETHRO JOHNNY: Okay. So like I was saying, after we waste Boxer, you know, I’d already done Francesco’s with you after every hit like four or five times by that point.
PRETTY RUDY: Making someone dead makes me (unintelligible) hungry.
JETHRO JOHNNY: So I want to go to Francesco’s, you know, per usual.
PRETTY RUDY: Right.
JETHRO JOHNNY: So I tell Silent, you know, Francesco’s or bust.
(MUSIC...)
PRETTY RUDY: Fuck this song. Don’t even know why it’s on my playlist.
JETHRO JOHNNY: What the fuck? Bowie’s a legend.
PRETTY RUDY: What are you talking about? (Assumes falsetto voice) This is not America. Sha-la-la-la-la. Bowie and Metheny make this song like two clicks away from a Boy George/Kenny G duet.
JETHRO JOHNNY: All your taste is in your mouth. You don’t know nothin’ ’bout classic rock.
PRETTY RUDY: Whatever. Finish the story. After Boxer, you need to go get your grub on. And?
JETHRO JOHNNY: That mutherfucker says, nah, he ain’t interested in seafood pasta. Has his own ritual.
PRETTY RUDY: Wait. It was your hit, right? The Council gave you the order?
JETHRO JOHNNY: That’s what I’m saying. Gordo made that my fucking hit. So Silent’s post-hit ritual can suck a sweaty nut sack as far as I’m concerned.
PRETTY RUDY: That what his ritual was? He wanted to lick your lozenge?
JETHRO JOHNNY: I told you, homeboy, I ain’t gay. And my boyfriend can verify that shit.
(LAUGHTER.)
JETHRO JOHNNY: En serio. Dude tells me he wants to go get a massage, then go dancing.
PRETTY RUDY: A massage massage?
JETHRO JOHNNY: That’s what I ask. You mean like a rub-and-tug massage? No, he says, a legit massage.
PRETTY RUDY: Whaaat?
JETHRO JOHNNY: That chapete had just helped me stab Boxer like forty-five times, and now he’s proposing we go get our Saturday Night Fever on.
PRETTY RUDY: You sure pick ’em, homes. So what’d you do with his sugar-in-the-tank mutherfuckin’ ass?
JETHRO JOHNNY: Dropped dickhead off at his car. But I was (unintelligible). Like I wanted to kill again. I didn’t even want to go to Francesco’s, like he’d fucked up seafood pasta for me.
PRETTY RUDY: I get it. So what’d you do?
JETHRO JOHNNY: I got some In-N-Out. One by Panda Express, other side of the 880.
PRETTY RUDY: Next best thing.
JETHRO JOHNNY: Animal style, like a stylin’ motherfuckin’ animal.
PRETTY RUDY: I fuckin’ love In-N-Out.
JETHRO JOHNNY: I was so fucked up inside. I ate so fast I barely tasted that burger on the way down.
PRETTY RUDY: Almost never the wrong time to throw down a Double-Double.
JETHRO JOHNNY: Thing is, I tasted all of it when I threw it up on some poor slob’s Camaro in the parking lot. Felt like that motherfucker’s softness jinxed the pleasure of murder for me.
PRETTY RUDY: Wait... So you...? Nah... you didn’t...?
JETHRO JOHNNY: Yeah, I did.
PRETTY RUDY: En serio?
JETHRO JOHNNY: Gospel truth!
PRETTY RUDY: Same night?
JETHRO JOHNNY: Right there in San Leandro, not far from the sheriff’s substation where you just picked me up. In an alley behind where he got his massage. Waited by his car.
PRETTY RUDY: Did what you had to do.
JETHRO JOHNNY: He kept asking me, Why, why, why? I didn’t say nothing. He didn’t have that coming.
PRETTY RUDY: Sometimes you never see it coming. Never get to know why your ticket got punched.
JETHRO JOHNNY: Tell you what— Silent didn’t go silent into that night. That motherfucker shitted himself, ass loud like a cracked diesel engine.
PRETTY RUDY: (laughing, then choking) You’re a sick fuck, homeboy. Practically choked on my gum.
(MUSIC...)
PRETTY RUDY: Hold on, I gotta stop here and buy some shit. You need anything?
(ENGINE STOPS. MUSIC STOPS.)
JETHRO JOHNNY: You going to the CVS? Couldn’t wait to go to Trader Joe’s in your hood?
PRETTY RUDY: What? You writing a book? Leave my chapter out. Better yet, let me fuck you in the ass and make it a love story.
JETHRO JOHNNY: (chuckles) I mean, you can’t wait? You gotta stop off right here, at the shitty Eastmont Mall CVS, right next to the police station, to buy your tampons and some almond milk?
PRETTY RUDY: So what if I’m lactose intolerant and I wear a tampon to staunch the occasional flow? That don’t make me a bad guy, right?
JETHRO JOHNNY: Staunch the flow. You motherfucker. (chuckles) Nah, it don’t make you a bad guy. In fact, it don’t make you a guy at all.
(BOTH LAUGH. CAR DOOR OPENS. BEEPING.)
PRETTY RUDY: So nothin’?
JETHRO JOHNNY: Yeah, get me a toothbrush, medium. And some condoms, jumbo girth. Battleship-gray if they got color options.
PRETTY RUDY: No fuckin’ hope for humanity.
(CAR DOOR SLAMS. CELL PHONE BEEPS.)
JETHRO JOHNNY: Hey, babydoll, it’s me. Ready to ride the high hard one?... I’ma tear that pussy up... Gotta take care of some bullshit first, but I’ll bring dinner, okay?... Yeah, I’ll see you soon... Go play with that pussy, get it ready for Big-Dick Daddy from Cincinnati, okay, sweetheart?... Okay, see you soon.
(CAR DOOR OPENS. BEEPING.)
PRETTY RUDY: Here, I got you baby powder — scented rubbers.
JETHRO JOHNNY: Yeah, so, uh, go ahead and rub ’em in your chest.
(BOTH LAUGH. CAR ENGINE STARTS.)
PRETTY RUDY: So Gordo called and said his meeting’s going late. Says just wait for him in the Francesco’s parking lot.
JETHRO JOHNNY: Still don’t know why it’s so urgent.
PRETTY RUDY: Just to debrief, you know. That was a big move you made in there. Big shit could go down if that ain’t handled right.
JETHRO JOHNNY: I’ve been locked up for three months. Fighting my case while living with a bunch of hygiene-hating motherfuckers. I just wanna be knee deep in my girl’s pussy for like three minutes, bust a heavy nut.
PRETTY RUDY: Whoa! You got a broad?
JETHRO JOHNNY: Yeah, I got someone to sometimes knock the dust off. But you got me fuckin’ bumpin’ gums with you and Gordo instead.
PRETTY RUDY: Hey, if it’ll make you feel any better, I promise I’ll take you for a massage and dancing afterward.
(BOTH LAUGH HARD.)
PRETTY RUDY: For fuck’s sake, chill out. Everything’s cool.
(MUSIC...)
JETHRO JOHNNY: I met this crazy white boy inside, from Emeryville. Richie Rich strung out on dope. This fish was a trip. Smart youngster. ’Cept he thought he could beat me at chess.