This was the part of the discussion he had hoped to avoid. He knew it would put them in conflict, but he did not want dishonesty between them. “I cannot completely leave you, Sharon. Our minds have been merged.” He tried to find a way to make her understand the truth of it.
She was indignant. “Oh, that’s just great. Don’t you have some control over this thing?”
He felt his patience strain at her tone. “Yes, I have some control. But a part of me is always with you. I can withdraw to a certain degree, but when you are agitated, as you are now, it is…”
He tried to think of a way she would understand. “It is like having the volume of a radio turned to the maximum level. You broadcast. I cannot help but listen. After a time, I will become better at blocking you, but it will be helpful when you become better at not broadcasting.”
He was reading her every thought. This was not good. She needed to calm down. She could feel his growing impatience pressing against her in waves. She was in over her head. She should be coping with overdue fines or putting away books on their proper shelves. She was a librarian, for goodness sake. She liked order, and quiet, and calm. She was a reserved, quiet kind of person. This was all too…chaotic. Her life had turned inside out-alien planets, mind merging, incredible sex.
She let out a little breath. “Alright. I’ll try not to broadcast. You try to stay out as much as possible, okay? I don’t like the idea of you snooping around in my mind, knowing every little thing…”
As she thought of the possibilities, she suddenly felt very vulnerable. He would be able to know everything. Not that she had a lot of dark secrets, but she was human, after all. She had things she would never tell another person. Things she wasn’t particularly proud to share with someone else. Fantasies in the dark of the night she wouldn’t even share with a sexual partner. The whole idea filled her with intense discomfort.
He looked apologetic, but there was heat in his eyes as well. “I am trying to respect your wishes, Sharon, but you are becoming even more upset. There should be no shame or embarrassment between us. I know your inner self. It is incredible to me that you can be so blind to your own beauty, both physical and inner.”
Reaching across the table to take her hand, his voice became husky. “I would not use our bond against you,sherree. I do not wish to hurt you. Anything I have learned from our sharing will be used only for your pleasure and mine.” His thumb was gently stroking her hand.
Her eyes slid from his and she tried to pull her hand from his grasp. She still felt incredibly exposed. He knew too much. She needed some space to come to terms with what he’d told her. With obvious reluctance, he let her pull away completely.
She promptly scooted as far back as her chair would allow. She tried to turn the subject to safer channels. She decided to go on the offensive. “I know you’ve been with other women before. You’ve had sex without merging. Why last night?”And why meshe wanted to add, but didn’t quite have the nerve.
“You are my pactmate, my future pledgemate,” at her instinctive movement to disagree he flashed her a fierce look. “I could have had sex without merging with you, it is true. I tried to wait. The initial merge is somewhat painful and frightening to the female. Some choose to merge right after the Oath. I tried to be patient. I thought it might be easier when you knew me better. I also waited as long as I could out of prudence. You were not happy with the Oath. I thought you might have even greater problems with the consequences of merging.” His tone said he had been right.
“But you could have held off, right? I mean, this merging business is permanent. Even after we go our separate ways, you’ll still be lurking in the back of my mind!” The more she thought about it, the angrier she felt. Once again, he had taken a choice out of her hands. After knowing her for only two days, he had simply decided that the time was right and linked them together permanently.
His frustration pushed back at her. His face grew harsh. For a minute he stared at her in silence. Then, as if coming to some decision, he spoke. His voice was too controlled, almost cold. “I see I have been taking the wrong approach with you all this time. I thought easing you into our new life would be best. Now I think it is time for you to confront reality and accept that your life has changed permanently. There are things you do not know yet.”
Angrily, she pushed her chair back and stood. “Oh, now is the time for me to face reality, huh?” Her voice was sarcastic. “In what other ways are you planning to disrupt my life? Let’s see… you could take me from my home and my friends and my job? Oh yeah,” Her resentment was making her chest tight. “You’ve already done that. How about you invade my privacy by reading my innermost thoughts? Oh, that’s right. You’ve done that, too.” Her voice broke and she had to swallow.
Her tone softened. “I think I’ve faced plenty of your reality, thanks very much. I don’t care what other surprises are around the corner. I’ve had enough of your reality.”
Still seated, he looked up at her. Very softly he said, “Sit down.” His tone demanded complete obedience.
When she didn’t immediately respond, but continued to stare at him, he said, “You claim I have been making your choices for you. You do not wish to be treated as a child with no say in its future. Sit down and I will explain what choices you have at this time.”
She could tell that he was out of patience. She could feel his anger like a living thing in the room. Holding his gaze, carefully she sat back down in her chair. “Fine. Explain.”
“How many pactmates do you think file incompatible?” he asked in a conversational tone completely at odds with his expression.
She was caught off guard by the question and tone. “I don’t know. I’ve heard that there aren’t many, but I really don’t know.”She couldn’t remember any statistics if she had ever even learned them.
“Not many.” He nodded his head. His hard gaze still on her face, he continued. “One could say not many. More accurately, one should say none. There has never been an incompatible filing.”
In total shock, she wondered whether he was telling the truth. “That doesn’t make sense. Somewhere along the way, there had to have been some.”She couldn’t keep the disbelief out of her voice.
“No, Sharon, there have not been any. When a Shimerian male connects with his mate, it is not some kind of accident. He has been searching for a particular female, one that matches him mind and body. Why he is able to find her at a certain time and not before, that is a mystery. By the number of unattached males still seeking mates, you can understand that many spend years waiting and searching.”
His whole body leaned forward as he said sincerely, “No one understands why it happens when it happens. But the truth is, once he connects with her, he recognizes his mate. There can be no other. Because his mind has touched hers, she unconsciously knows he is out there. She does not know his name or who he is, but the idea of that mate is there. She knows there is someone just for her. She cannot settle for less.”
He watched as the anger drained from her face. “You understand what I am saying because you have felt it yourself.”
Ignoring the building confusion in her expression, he continued. “We are mated in a way that cannot be denied. Our merging was inevitable. Our lives are intertwined and will never be separate again. You may fight against it or refuse to acknowledge it, but it will not change what will happen. It is convenient that you were on the register. If you had not been registered, I would have found you and taken you. It would have been more difficult, but I would have gotten you here in the end. We are meant to be together. You can fight me, but you cannot fight yourself or the rightness of our mating.”