It’d been two weeks since I left the hospital, and this was the very first memory I’d had of me with my parents. This was the very first memory I’d had where I actually saw what they’d looked like. This was the very first memory I’d had where they’d looked happy and in love.
A gentle rustling shook me out of my thoughts and I felt Connor’s protective arms pull my waist closer into his chest. My body reflectively stiffened at his touch and I had to remind myself to relax. Even though I couldn’t remember many memories of him, he was no stranger. He’s your fiancé and you’re supposed to love him, I reminded myself. I desperately wished all my memories of him would return so I could remember our life together, so I could remember my feelings and love for him.
“Hey, good morning,” he groaned as he opened his eyes and yawned. He moved toward me and brushed away a stray hair from my face as he studied me. “How’d you sleep?”
I met his warm hazel eyes and smiled. “Good. How about you?”
“Great now that you’re here beside me.” He pushed himself up and positioned his body over me. “You know, I just couldn’t get a good night’s rest the two weeks you weren’t here with me.”
I looked up at him and beamed. A wave of nerves ran down my body as he leaned down and kissed me gently. My fingers combed through his thick brown locks as I kissed him back, trying to let myself get lost in the moment. His mouth was gentle and slow as his tongue parted my lips and began to explore me. I let out a low moan as I felt his hands move under my camisole and greeted my breasts. My body immediately reacted to his touch, and it was clear that he knew how to turn me on. I gasped as I felt his hardness press down against my panties, telling me that he was already ready for me. His lips slowly moved down my neck, along my collarbone, and down to my breast, where they took residence. I reflexively arched my back against his hungry mouth as he eagerly licked and sucked on my nipple, causing it to harden within seconds. Everything felt familiar yet new, and I felt dizzy and confused by the mixed bag of emotions that ran through me. I forced my eyes closed and tried to focus on nothing else but the way his body touched and excited mine.
But as I felt his hand reach to pull down my panties, my eyes flew open and I panicked. “Connor…” My body stiffened as I reached for his hand, stopping him from going any further. He pulled his mouth away from my nipple and met my eyes. He tried to hide the disappointment, but it was there, as plain as day, painted all over his face. “I’m sorry. I’m…”
“—Just not ready,” he finished my sentence. He immediately moved off my body and sat at the edge of the bed.
I looked away, consumed with relief and guilt that I wasn’t about to have sex with him. “I’m sorry. It’s just that…all this is so new to me. I feel like I’ve only known you for two weeks.” I looked back at him, hoping he could hear the anguish in my voice. “I desperately wish I could remember everything.” I sat up and grabbed both of his hands and held them to my chest. “Please look at me.”
He met my eyes and I saw the pain in them. “I know, Liv…I’m really trying to be patient.”
“I know.”
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you.”
I shook my head. “No. You haven’t pushed me. You’ve been more than understanding and patient with me over the last two weeks, and I’ve really appreciated it.”
“But you just don’t remember me…” His voice trailed off and I could hear the hurt laced in his words.
“Connor, my body remembers you. My body is responding to you. I’m…I’m really wet and turned on.” My face grew hot with embarrassment as I heard my own admission.
“Really?” He looked at me hopefully.
I laughed softly. “Didn’t you notice how my body reacted to your touch? Or am I imagining things?” I teased.
He flashed me a warm smile and the pain on his face disappeared.
“Please just give me some time to get to know you again.” I was riddled with guilt knowing that I was breaking this man’s heart each time I denied him, each time I stopped him from making love to me. But as much as I tried to force myself to allow it to happen, to see if it would bring back my memories of him, something inside me stopped me. It didn’t matter how much I tried to convince myself otherwise, this man was a stranger to me. He was the fiancé of the woman I once was, but he was a stranger to the woman I was now.
***
“Hey, hun.” I heard Connor’s voice in the hallway.
“I’m in the kitchen,” I cried out as I put the sandwich on a plate.
Connor’s face popped into the kitchen and he looked at the plate in my hand. “Making an early lunch?”
“Yeah, I didn’t eat much during breakfast.” I immediately thought of our awkward morning in bed and our almost-as-awkward breakfast where conversation seemed forced. It had gotten so uncomfortable for me that I ended up eating my breakfast quickly so I could excuse myself from the dining room and let Connor finish his breakfast and coffee by himself.
“You know you can have Debra cook you something more…” He frowned at the sandwich. “…Appetizing.”
I laughed. “Don’t mock the sandwich, Connor. Will you believe me if I said that I’ve had flashbacks about this sandwich?”
He raised his eyebrow skeptically at me. “Really?”
I took a bite out of the sandwich and purposefully moaned loudly as I licked the peanut butter from the corner of my lips.
He chuckled and shook his head. “What’s so great about this sandwich?”
“Peanut butter, banana slices, and bacon. It’s like heaven in your mouth, but it tastes like sin.”
He laughed.
“You know you want to take a bite. Come on.” I waved the sandwich up to his face to tempt him.
“I’m allergic to nuts, so no thanks.”
“Oh.” I immediately lowered the sandwich. “Sorry. I didn’t know—I forgot.”
“It’s okay.” Then he frowned. “You know what? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you eat this sandwich before.”
His comment surprised me. “Really?”
“Really. You can even ask Debra to see if you’ve ever asked her to make you some, but I can’t remember ever seeing you eating it.”
“Hmm.” I thought about the broken piece of memory that had come back to me about this sandwich. “I remember loving this when I was younger.”
“What was your flashback about?” He looked at me with curiosity.
I frowned. “It’s actually one of those memories where I can only see a few seconds of what had happened. I just remember being made this sandwich and loving it, and…I don’t know how to explain it, but I know that I used to eat it all the time when I was younger.”
“Hmm. Maybe you grew out of it?” he offered as he swung his laptop bag over his shoulder. “Anyway, my train into New York City leaves in twenty minutes, so I have to get going.”
“Okay.” I leaned toward him and gave him a kiss on the cheek.
“I’m sorry that I have to leave you right now, but it’s only for twenty-four hours. An important client wants to have an emergency meeting over a time-sensitive business venture in the New York office this afternoon. Since I’m there, my secretary scheduled several hours of meetings throughout the day tomorrow. So I won’t be back until tomorrow evening. Are you okay here by yourself?”
“Don’t worry. I’ll be fine.”
He sighed. “Usually you’d come with me to these meetings.”
My brows furrowed at his words. I don’t know why, but his words stung.
“No, that’s not what I meant,” he quickly corrected when he saw the expression on my face. “I know you’re not ready to go back to work yet, and the doctor said it’s best to ease you back into your regular routine. That’s not what I meant, honey. I just meant that I’m not used to being away from you for this long.”
I looked up at him. “But it’s only a day.”
He chuckled. “Yeah. You’re absolutely right.” He shook his head and sighed. “I can’t believe how inseparable we were. After we started dating, I’m pretty sure we didn’t go longer than twelve hours without seeing each other.”