Almost there... three feet from the first porch step and then... I’m tackled from the side.
My body slams into the ground and the air is knocked completely out of me. I try to take in a breath, but my lungs aren’t working. Fuck it... I don’t need them to get to Marney. I start struggling with the lead weight that is on top of me, vaguely noticing that it appears to be a fireman.
Pushing hard against him, I try to get my legs up so I can kick him off me. I make another attempt to breathe but my lungs still aren’t cooperating.
Pulling on the last vestiges of air I have left in me, I rasp, “Get the fuck off.”
“All right, kid... calm down,” I hear and then the weight is gone.
I suck in a huge lungful of oxygen. Replenished, I spring to my feet and start to make a dash for the porch but arms of fucking steel wrap around my waist, slinging me away from the house. I stumble for a few feet and then right myself.
Spinning around, the fireman is standing between Marney’s house and me with his arms held out in front of him. “You can’t go in there, kid.”
“The fuck I can’t,” I scream at him. “My girlfriend is in there.”
“I’m sorry...” he starts to say but I don’t have time for this shit.
Lunging for the house, I try to juke around the fireman but my skills must be rusty. He easily catches me again, wrapping me in a bear hug that I cannot break free from.
My body strains toward the house, the blazing heat causing rivulets of sweat to pour from my face.
“Marney,” I scream. My eyes frantically search the windows, hoping to see her somehow through the angry flames and billowing smoke.
I try to lunge toward the house, time and time again, but the firefighter isn’t letting me go. I scream Marney’s name, over and over, until my throat feels like it’s riddled with glass shards.
“She’s gone, kid. No one made it out.”
The minute his words penetrate my brain, my body goes still. I can feel his hold start to marginally relax but he doesn’t let go just yet.
“Gone?” I whisper.
“Yes. The house was fully involved by the time we got here. There was no way to get anyone out.”
The fireman’s arms fall away from my body and he takes a small step back. His body is still tense though and he’s just waiting for me to spring into action again.
My eyes flick to the inferno and then back to him. “Are you sure?”
The pleading tone in my voice causes him to wince but he nods his head.
My knees finally give out, and I sag to the ground. Bowing my head, I clutch desperately at the grass in Marney’s front yard.
No, no, no, no, no.
This isn’t happening.
Marney isn’t in there. There’s no way she died that way. The thought of Marney’s burning body causes bile to rise up in my throat.
I look up to the fireman, who is still standing there. The raging fire behind him causes his body to be nothing more than a dark silhouette... a man without a face.
“Are you okay, kid?”
Shaking my head, I whisper, “I can’t bear to think of the pain she was in...”
The faceless man kneels down in front of me and lays a hand on my shoulder. He squeezes it gently. “She was probably long gone from smoke inhalation before the fire reached her. Okay? She probably didn’t feel a thing.”
I know his words are meant to comfort me but the balmy effect falls flat. My eyes fill with tears and I look back down to the ground.
There’s no reason she should have died that way.
The firemen should have tried to push their way in.
They should have sent five trucks instead of four.
They should have gotten here faster.
I should have gotten here faster.
I should have arranged for an earlier time to meet. If I had, Marney would have been out of the house, safe in my arms.
I could have saved her and I didn’t.
The hard reality of my failure sets in, and the tears start spilling from my eyes. It’s the first time I’ve cried since I was a little kid. I let them flow, not giving a shit what the fireman thinks, or what anyone thinks for that matter. I watch as my tears fall from my face and hit the green blades of spring grass before me.
“Flynn!”
I turn and see my mom and dad running for me. The fireman stands up and walks away, and then I’m in my parents’ arms.
“I’m so sorry, baby,” my mom murmurs as she strokes the tears from my face. Fresh ones replace them and I can see through the wavering haze that my mom is crying, too.
My dad’s arms engulf both of us and I rest my chin on my mom’s head.
I gaze over my dad’s shoulder and watch my Marney burn away.
1
“Goddamn it, Caldwell. Get your ass in my office. Now!”
I wince over hearing the Battalion Chief calling from the back of the station house. His voice is booming, echoing from deep inside that barrel chest of his. Studying the cards in my hand... pair of deuces, Ace high... it’s best I fold anyway.
Tossing the cards facedown on the table, I stand up. “I’m out.”
My buddies, my co-workers, my compatriots... they all keep their eyes pinned to their cards so they don’t have to offer me a sympathetic look. They’ve heard me called into the Chief’s office on more than one occasion and I know they feel for me.
But they’re also probably a little glad I’m getting ready to get my ass chewed, because my dumbass moves affect them as well.
Walking out of the kitchen, I turn down the back hall, which houses our bunks. The Chief’s office is at the very end. As I walk past the open doorway to the sleeping quarters, I hear, “When in the hell are you going to learn, Flynn?”
The room is dark but I don’t need to see inside to recognize the voice of my best friend, Tim Davis.
Taking a step back, I lean up against the doorframe and reach my hand inside to flick on the light. Tim is lying on his bed, his hands clasped behind his head. His dark brown eyes look at me with a mixture of affection and annoyance.
I decide to play stupid, just to ramp up his annoyance. “Learn what?”
Tim rises up from the bed, swinging his legs to the side. Resting his elbows on his knees, he clasps his hands and sighs deep before turning his gaze back on me. “You know what, but I’ll lay it out for you... when are you going to stop taking stupid risks?”
“Define stupid?” I ask, even though I know the answer. I just don’t feel like hearing this shit from Tim, because I’m getting ready to hear an earful from the Chief.
Tim looks back down to his hands and I hear him chuckle, but it’s not a sound filled with mirth. Instead, it sounds hard and bitter. When he looks back up at me, there is no smile on his face and his eyes hold just a bit of disgust.
I expect him to lay into me, but his voice is surprisingly soft. It stands at complete odds with his muscular and tattooed frame. “You know what I’m talking about so I won’t bother stating the obvious. But the next time you put yourself in unnecessary danger, just remember our motto... two go in, two come out. You enter harm’s way, you know one of us are coming in behind you. So yeah, I get that you don’t care if you get injured or killed in a rescue... but you know you’re risking our lives, too. You want that on your conscience if one of us gets killed?”
Guilt flashes like a nuclear explosion through my body. “I wouldn’t put you or any of the team in danger—”
Tim cuts me off. “Save it. You already have, and on more than one occasion.”
His voice is hard, which is foreign to me. Tim is about as big of a teddy bear as you can find. He has an easygoing nature, which is why we bonded so well.
“I’m sorry,” is all I get out before I hear the Chief calling me again.