Christopher Fowler
Off the Rails
Bryant & May #8
2010, EN
∨ Off the Rails ∧
…
The Old Warehouse
231 Caledonian Road
London N1 9RC
THIS BUILDING IS NOW OCCUPIED BY THE PECULIAR CRIMES UNIT UNTIL FURTHER NOTIFICATION FROM THE HOME OFFICE
STAFF ROSTER: MONDAY
Raymond Land, Acting Temporary Unit Chief
Arthur Bryant, Senior Detective
John May, Senior Detective
Janice Longbright, Detective Sergeant
Dan Banbury, Crime Scene Manager/InfoTech
Jack Renfield, Desk Sergeant
Meera Mangeshkar, Detective Constable
Colin Bimsley, Detective Constable
Giles Kershaw, Forensic Pathology
Crippen, staff cat
STAFF BULLETIN BOARD
Clipping from the Police Review:
‘King’s Cross Executioner’ kills PC, escapes custody
A hired killer who left his beheaded victims on building sites in the King’s Cross area would have fatally undermined public confidence in the multimillion-pound project to re-invigorate the former red-light area if he had not been identified, said an official Home Office report last week.
However, the report went on to castigate the Unit bosses for failing to provide adequate security checks at its temporary headquarters, an oversight that resulted in the escape of the suspect.
The investigation had been conducted by London’s Peculiar Crimes Unit, a little-known police division created in 1940 to handle serious crimes that could be considered a threat to public order and confidence. As a secret wartime department, the PCU was allowed to develop many innovative (and questionable) investigative techniques. In the 1950s the Unit fell under the jurisdiction of the Metropolitan Police. Later, it was absorbed into the British Military Intelligence department MI7 to handle cases involving domestic and foreign propaganda. In the last few months, the PCU has found itself increasingly mired in controversy after being placed under Home Office jurisdiction, and the principles upon which it was founded have been called into question.
Ministers accused the management team of failing to follow accepted procedural guidelines. But the PCU’s senior detectives, Arthur Bryant and John May, remained determined to operate on the London streets using investigation techniques that had been refused approval by present-day government officials. As a result, they successfully brought in a suspect known only as ‘Mr Fox’, a hired killer who admitted carrying out the King’s Cross murders for financial gain.
However, what should have been a cause for celebration turned to tragedy after ‘Mr Fox’ succeeded in breaking out of the Unit’s holding cell and stabbing the officer on duty to death. PC Liberty DuCaine lost his life after being attacked by the accused, who then escaped police custody. To date, the killer has not been recaptured.
Despite their exoneration by an independent judicial body, the PCU’s future is looking less secure than ever before in its contentious history.
From the Desk of Raymond Land:
Is it necessary to remind staff NOT to provide the press with information about the escape of the so-called ‘King’s Cross Executioner’? We don’t want to give tabloid hacks a reason to go through our dustbins for the next six months. DON’T SPEAK TO ANYONE. If you’re in any doubt, talk to me first.
A word of warning about PC Liberty DuCaine’s funeral; his family don’t want any of you lot going anywhere near them this morning. They already had the mayor creeping round for a photo op, and sent him away with a flea in his ear. Send flowers if you want, but stay away from the service.
Further, the resignation of our Liaison Officer, April May, from the Unit is effective immediately, for health reasons. Following the recurrence of her agoraphobia, April is planning to spend some time with her uncle in Toronto. I’m sure you all join me in wishing her well for the future. I thought we should have a whip-round and collect enough money to get her something nice. By the way, when April said she’d like a gift voucher for a couple of hours in a flotation tank, she was, in fact, joking.
As of this morning we now have fully functional computers and phones. You have John May to thank for this. I don’t know how he did it. No-one tells me anything.
Older members of the PCU will recall a pair of utterly useless workmen who sat in our former offices at Mornington Crescent for months, brewing endless pots of tea instead of getting on with their work. You’ll be thrilled to know that another pair of layabouts, two Turkish gentlemen both called Dave, will be arriving today to restore the electrics, woodwork and plumbing, while no doubt offering unsought-for advice on the policing of the capital. Don’t complain; their estimate for the repairs came in a lot lower than anyone else’s. I daresay we’ll find out why in due course.
By the way, there’s a hole in the floor in Mr Bryant’s office. Don’t go near it.
If anyone sees Crippen can you please butter his paws before letting him out? We don’t want him getting lost in this neighbourhood. He’s put on a bit of weight lately, and there are a couple of dodgy kebab shops on the Caledonian Road that look like they could use the meat.
∨ Off the Rails ∧
1
A Private Feud
CONFIDENTIAL
FROM: THE DESK OF LESLIE FARADAY
HOME OFFICE SENIOR POLICE LIAISON
TO: RAYMOND LAND
ACTING TEMPORARY HEAD
PECULIAR CRIMES UNIT
Dear Raymond,
With regard to your apprehension of the hired assassin operating in the King’s Cross area, this so-called ‘King’s Cross Executioner’ chap, thank you for acting so quickly on the matter, although it’s a pity he subsequently managed to give you the slip. I had a bit of trouble opening your report because, frankly, computers have never been my strong point, but the new girl in our office seems to understand these things and printed out a copy for me.
Following the judicial review we decided to scrap the idea of holding a press conference, but we’re speaking to our key contacts today, so we’ll have some idea of the headlines likely to run in tomorrow’s papers. Always talk to the press, I say, even when you’ve got nothing to tell them. We’re hoping that a bit of publicity might flush him out. I’m trying to discourage sensational references to his nickname, without much luck, I’m sorry to say, but when a little boy finds a human head while fishing for eels in a canal, you can expect the press to react strongly.
I have passed your conclusions on to my superior and other concerned department heads, and will return with their reactions in due course. I also have to acknowledge the receipt of an additional report on this case from one of your senior detectives, Arthur Bryant, although I must admit I was only able to read portions of this document as Bryant’s handwriting was extremely small and barely legible, and pages 23 through 31 had some kind of curry sauce spilled over them. Furthermore his account is opinionated and anecdotal in the extreme, and on several occasions, positively offensive. Could you have a word with him about this?
Naturally we are all sorry to hear about what happened. It is always with great sadness that one hears of a police officer’s demise in the course of his duty, especially in this case, when the officer in question was so highly regarded, and had such a bright future ahead of him.