Liz swallowed hard, but kept her eyes locked on him even as he drove them aimlessly around Chapel Hill. “I’m not dating him, Brady,” she said finally.
“Yes, well, I assumed that,” he said sharply. “However, that doesn’t explain why your face is on the front cover of the paper with this person…another guy.”
“I visited him in D.C.,” she answered truthfully.
Brady breathed in slowly. It was clear that he was trying to control himself. “I thought you were visiting a friend in D.C.”
“Hayden is my friend.” She hadn’t meant for her voice to come like a whisper, but the coldness to his tone scared her.
“Hayden,” Brady repeated the name.
“He’s the, uh…editor of the paper.”
The silence was more painful than his anger. She wanted him to yell at her, scream, tell her how pissed he was, but he didn’t. He just sat there his hand lightly clenched on the steering wheel as he drove through town.
“And how do you feel about him?” Brady finally asked.
Ironic, coming from him. Liz clenched her fists at her sides and felt the heat rise in her face. Brady wouldn’t even tell her how he felt, and yet he demanded she tell him about Hayden.
“He’s not you.” She turned her head away from Brady. She had already told Brady she loved him. That had to be clear.
“He likes you,” Brady said simply.
“It doesn’t really matter! Didn’t you hear me? He’s not you. This isn’t a competition, Brady. There’s no room for jealousy. Look, I liked Hayden for a long time, and he kissed me in D.C., and I can’t even look at him right now. Why? Why can’t I look at someone who I liked for two years before I even met you?” she demanded, turning in her seat to face him once again. “Because the only thing I felt when he kissed me was that I was glad it was out in public. It wasn’t Hayden I wanted. It was you. And if it’s not you, then it doesn’t matter.”
“You think this is a competition? That I’m jealous? I made it very clear that I didn’t want anyone else near you,” Brady said, his knuckles white on the steering wheel.
“It’s like you’re not even hearing me!” Liz cried. “I love you. I told you that I love you. Don’t you hear me? Don’t you understand what that means? Just tell me that you love me.”
“I don’t make promises I can’t keep. And I won’t hurt you with this one.”
Too late.
Liz recoiled as if he had slapped her across the face. His words hurt worse than she even thought they could. Her cheeks heated and her stomach twisted at his refusal…his rejection.
“Did you just come here to hurt me?” Liz asked softly.
Brady sighed and pulled over into an empty parking lot. They were on the north side of town and there wasn’t much traffic. He slammed the car into park and turned to face her for the first time.
“I came here to find out why you allowed your picture in the paper when you know it’s better for you to be anonymous. I came to find out who this Hayden person is when I’ve never even once heard you mention him all summer…though we’ve been together the entire time. And it seems I was right to come here and get my answers.”
“You were right to come and get your answers. I much prefer to see how angry you are at the thought of me being with someone else,” Liz spat in frustration. “At least it shows you care under that hard exterior.”
“Are you out of your mind?” Brady asked.
She could see his walls crumbling. His anger bubbling over. The emotions he so tightly controlled on a daily basis fragmenting and coming apart at the seams.
Brady shook his head before he spoke. “You’re the only person I’ve ever met who so completely disarms me. I feel like sometimes you aren’t looking at me; you’re looking through me. Like you know every single secret in my existence…like you know exactly what I’m thinking. That was exactly what I meant that very first day we met, when I told you that you were my airplane. You totally fuck me up, Liz!”
He pounded his fist on the steering wheel and stared out across the blacktop parking lot.
“I shouldn’t have pursued this. I shouldn’t have kept you around all summer. I shouldn’t have focused so much damn attention into this pseudo-relationship that we have. I’ve heard it every single day from Heather and nearly as much from Elliott since they found out. But I didn’t listen to them or myself. I said I could control this. I could have what I wanted and see where this went. And it only got worse.”
“Well, I’m so sorry,” Liz bit back.
“I’m not sorry. I’m furious with myself and you and timing and the campaign. Because the two things I want don’t coincide, and I’ve been groomed my entire life for the one thing that is so close at hand.” He turned to look into her eyes again. “I can win this campaign, Liz. I can make a difference.”
Brady took a deep breath, steadying himself, and then reached out and laced their fingers together.
“I know,” she whispered, her throat tight. “I know you can. I knew all along.”
“I have one week before I find out about the primary results. I’m working my ass off, working like I’ve never worked before. I can’t ruin that.”
His thumb circled against hers, and Liz’s shoulders gradually slumped. She realized what he was saying. He was saying what he had said all along. That when it came down to a choice it was the campaign. And it would always be the campaign.
“So…that’s it then?” she whispered. “You’re choosing the campaign.”
“It’s never been a choice,” he said, reaching across the car for her other hand and looking straight into her blue eyes. She saw all the love in the world reflected back in that gaze. She wished she could see it every day. “I’m stubborn. I want both.”
“Both,” Liz murmured. His hand cupped her chin and she leaned into his touch. She never wanted to let go, even when she was frustrated with him. “You want us to stay hidden. For how much longer? When does it end? I still have two years of school left. I’m still on the paper. You’re still in Congress. You run for office every two years. What happens when the campaign ends?”
Her hand instinctively went to the necklace dangling from her neck. The yellow gemstone mocked her from its place in the locket.
“Let’s make it through the primary first. If I win, then we’ll figure out November. If I don’t…”
Liz shook her head and placed her fingers to his lips. “Don’t jinx yourself.”
Brady’s lips kissed her fingers and then he pulled her forward toward him. Her heart was in her throat and she just wanted it all to be right. His lips found hers and she sighed into the gentlest of embraces.
“Let’s see how I do in the primary then,” he murmured against her lips before pulling away.
Liz nodded reluctantly as Brady maneuvered the car back on the road. The primary and November…back to the same place they were before they started this conversation.
Sometimes the decision about whether or not to stay with Brady felt easy, and sometimes it didn’t feel like a decision at all. And all she really knew was that every time she pushed Brady to make a decision…forced an ultimatum…his walls slammed down and his answer was written on his face like a judge giving the guilty verdict to a death sentence. And she was the defendant witnessing her judgment.
Chapter 30
RESULTS ARE IN
Liz stared at her reflection in the mirror. She was all jittery and couldn’t stop fidgeting. Today was the day. She had walked into the polling booth this morning and cast her vote for State Senator Brady Maxwell III for the House of Representatives in the primary.
Three months ago she wouldn’t have believed she would do that. But standing there with the ballot in hand in a small cubicle surrounded by mostly elderly women, Liz knew there was no other option. Brady Maxwell had won her vote over the course of the summer even before he had unequivocally won her heart.