“Talk to you soon,” she winks at me and walks away.
“You’re back and already the skanks are cornering you, I see.”
“Hello to you too, beautiful.” I give Mandy a hug and we walk to an empty table in the corner. “Fancy seeing you here.”
“Yeah well, here I am. The girls wanted to go out before our Cabo trip, which by the way, the lovely Bayleigh decided against.” She groans, “We had dinner the other night. She looks good, Ty.”
“She did and then apparently walking her to the fucking door is offensive and she lost her shit. Today was great, and then she copped an attitude with me,” I explain. “So I’m heading back to Cali. I might as well move there, since almost every time she sees me, it’s bad.”
“Tyler, is that the best thing?” I nod. “You sure?” I nod again.
I can’t keep playing this cat and mouse game with her. She knows how I feel and I know how I feel. There’s no one else for me. The way she looks at me is something I’ve never been able to explain. Seeing her today, and that fucking smile, and that fucking body. I went home and jerked off. Images of her lips on me, and whispering my name, fucks with my head. I remember the way she felt when I was inside her. The warmth around my cock and her little moans. My girl wasn’t quiet and she loved hearing me tell her what I wanted. When we were together, I was in control and she gave me everything I desired. Whenever I see her, that’s all I can see and feel. The sexual desire I have for her and wanting her to be mine again. Her lips. Her eyes. That ass of hers. Everything is mine, even if she doesn’t see it that way.
“She’s not ready for me to be back and that’s fine. I’m good. Trust me. I’ve been without her for a year, what’s a little more time or forever?” I laugh, “It’s not like I haven’t tried to move on.”
“Have you?”
“Yeah and every time I take a girl out, I see Bayleigh. She’s in my head and I can’t shake her.”
“You know what they say,” Mandy pauses, “if you can’t shake the one you love, then maybe you’re not supposed to.”
She’s right, but then on the other hand, there are days I can’t stand to think about her. The only thing harder than moving on is letting go. I know it’s not going to happen overnight and it’s not like I’m pining away for her every day. There’s no excuse for her childish behavior and pushing me away. I’ve tried and I don’t know how much more I can try. So that’s why moving back is the best thing to do.
Not wanting to continue the conversation, we finish our drinks and head to the dance floor.
By the time I’m home, it’s almost three in the morning. Luckily, Mandy wasn’t drunk and could drive. Everything is spinning and I can’t get my keys in my door.
The door opens and I see Bayleigh looking at me. “Tyler?”
“What are you doing in my house?” My words slur and she gives me a funny look. “Wait, is this my house?” Nope. I step back and look around, noticing our swing, memories coming flooding back. “Do you remember when we made love on this swing?” I walk to it, touching the chains down to the arm rest, “I’ll never forget that night.”
“Why that one night?” she whispers. I feel her behind me and I can’t turn around to look at her.
“I remember every moment with you. But that moment, I felt the world understood our love and nothing would tear us apart.”
“Come on.” She loops her arm through mine and pulls me inside. “Mandy gave me a heads up that she was dropping you off.”
“Oh, Mandy. She’s a good friend,” I laugh and follow her upstairs. “Are we going to share a bed?”
“Yes, Tyler. It’s late and you’re wasted.”
“Can I hold you?” She doesn’t answer. I follow her inside her bedroom and plop down on her bed. Bayleigh takes off my shoes and pushes me back to lay down, covering me with a blanket.
“What are you doing, Tyler?”
“I don’t know,” I answer, “I have no idea. I just fucking love you and miss you.”
“I know,” she strokes my face and kisses my forehead. “Sleep, okay?”
Closing my eyes, I feel her touch to my skin and it burns with ache and desire. All I want is her.
Waking up the next morning in his arms makes me feel safe and like nothing will hurt me. The arms I love, protecting me from the evil in the world, settles my heart from beating out of my chest. There’s no panic when we’re innocently lying like this, even though it’s the most intimate we’ve been in quite a while.
His protective arms hold me tight and when I turn my head to look at him, I see a slight smile on his face. When I’m in bed with Tyler, I don’t overthink or feel like someone’s going to come into my room and hurt me. It’s just the two of us and we’re in our own world.
I don’t want to open my eyes and get on with the day. I want to spend all of our time in bed and talking. No arguing or talking about why we’re not together; just talking about what we want from life, like a career, traveling or doing something adventurous.
Making circles around his hand, I watch the peaceful look on his face and memorize every line and every expression.
“I like the smile on your face,” he tells me in his deep, sleepy voice.
“Morning. Do you want me to make you breakfast?”
He nods, “Mmm that sounds good. I’m thinking chocolate chip pancakes with fruit,” he kisses my neck and cheek. My body freezes and I tell myself this isn’t Tony. This is Tyler.
Tyler. Tyler. Tyler.
“Hey I’m sorry. Are you okay?” I nod my head, “If this is too much please let me know. I don’t want you to feel panic of pain.”
“No this is okay. I feel safe with you. That night he invaded me and took a piece of me I’ll never get back. With you, it’s different. I want you here.”
Kissing my forehead he nods and helps me out of bed. We walk downstairs together and he watches me as I make breakfast and the kitchen is quiet. It gives me time to think and focus on what’s going to happen in a few days. I could get used to having him sleeping next to me, waking up in his arms, and sleeping without nightmares. So what am I supposed to do when he’s gone?
We sit at the table and my parents come down and look at us and then leave the kitchen. I see my mom turn her head and smile before going to my dad’s office.
“Thanks by the way,” he tells me.
“No problem.”
“Beach today?”
“Sure,” I smile and tell him to go before my dad kills him. I watch Tyler walk to his house and run back upstairs to send Mandy a death threat.
Me: Way to drop off a very drunk Tyler at my house . . . Asshole
Mandy: Hey you two needed to talk. Did anything happen?! Did he make your body squirm or cum a few times wink wink
Me: You know the answer to that. You know I can’t . . . But whatever you’re an asshole and I hate you
Mandy: I love you too . . . Missing you! We’re at the airport now. I’ll see your beautiful face in 7 days!
Me: Have fun!
Mandy: Oh I intend to *kissy face emoji*
I laugh at her text and put down my phone. It’s too early to be up, but I can’t fall asleep again. I didn’t have nightmares last night and I don’t want to admit that it’s because of Tyler. Having him in my life as my friend is the only thing I can do. We have our good and bad memories, and all I can do is hope he’ll decide to stay in my life. Just thinking about the possibility of him dropping me as a friend makes me nervous and anxious.
A few hours pass and I’m standing in the middle of my room getting ready for the day when I look out the window and see Tyler standing outside. He’s looking down and I know that look. He’s thinking. Last night is still on my mind and I’m not sure I should bring it up. There’s not much to talk about. He got drunk and spent the night. We cuddled and I woke up feeling better than I ever have. I’ll admit, being in his arms again felt good and waking up to a smile isn’t bad.