Gilbert's behavior falls within the concept of deviant behavior, as defined by many therapists. Many maintain that the deviate act may or may not elicit guilt feelings. In Gilbert's case, it apparently did at times. Most therapists would subscribe to the view that at the moment his excitement is most intense, the deviate's impulse is something he wants to do for pleasure. This is evident in Gilbert's case.
CHAPTER THREE: SONDRA
An interviewer, for whatever purpose, soon develops a keen ear for the lie, the half-truth, the exaggeration… and a finely tuned knowledge of character and personality through constant contact with various kinds of people.
I have been interviewing people regarding their sex lives for a few years now, and have talked casually about sex and themselves with many dozens of others.
I soon learned to read between the lines; a word, a phrase, a shrug, an expression at a certain time… all can speak volumes.
So when I talked with Jonni about her life with her femme, May, and the subject veered to May's twelve-year-old daughter, who had suddenly run away the month before our conversation, I sensed a deeper story from Jonni's telltale tension and subtle alterations of tone and voice pitch.
Jonni "had no idea" why the girl, Sondra, had disappeared. When I asked what the girl looked like, Jonni said she was "an overdeveloped, ungrateful little bitch!"
Gradually, through body language, hints, key words and looks, and from what I knew of Jonni, I pieced that hidden story together.
To many, it may seem perverted, but it is an all-too-human story of compulsion and seduction.
Jonni is a white lesbian who lives with May, a young divorced mulatto woman. As the "man" of the family, Jonni dresses as much like a man as she can and is known in the gay bars as a "stomper" – aggressive, ready to fight to prove her manhood, and woman-crazy.
Somehow, Jonni's wives don't stay with her very long – a few months at best. But May had stayed with her for four months at the time of Sondra's leaving.
One other critical factor is known about Jonni: She's a lesbian who prefers to use a dildoe on her woman. Jonni loved to talk about her prowess with strap-on dildoes. She has a collection of them which she showed me… and how much her women enjoyed their use on them. She is obsessed with "being a man" that way.
I also met and talked with May. She is a tall, voluptuous woman with skin the color of creamy chocolate and with startling, light brown eyes. If you can imagine electric brown eyes, you know what I mean.
May said her daughter was just like herself in looks – same eyes, same straight black hair, same body, but shorter and with a shade darker skin and a wider, more negroid nose, because Sondra's father had been black.
May is prejudiced against Negroes darker than herself and constantly regretted lowering herself by marrying a "black" man.
She is content with Jonni and doesn't realize that Jonni was the cause of Sondra's leaving.
There were pictures in Jonni's apartment of May and Sondra. I studied one such as we talked. Both were in brief, bright green bikinis on the beach.
Sondra, at twelve, is quite voluptuous. I can well understand why Jonni was irresistibly attracted to the child and why what happened almost had to happen, given the people involved and the circumstances.
I have reconstructed in narrative form what occurred between Jonni and Sondra. It is an interesting lesson in the psychology of the obsessive lesbian.
Jonni fucked May with her mind half on Sondra, who was maybe sleeping, maybe listening in the living room, just beyond the doorway, just beyond the thin wall.
Jonni wore the big strap-on double dildoe this time, a double-ended, fourteen-inch, soft plastic cock that was sunk six inches into her own cunt and was curved to send all the rest into May. And May was taking it, too. Groaning softly from the vigorous, seemingly endless penetrations.
Jonni was proud of her ability to fuck her women for long, long stretches at a time. She had trained herself by exercising for hours, by toughening her back and thigh muscles, by building up incredible stamina and endurance.
She loved to fuck a woman and make that woman into a believer! And now May was whispering those words Jonni loved to hear: "Oh, darling, you're so good… so great… ohhhh, you're better than any man."
Jonni kept on flexing her body, kept on sinking the artificial cock deep into May's belly. Each time she hit bottom, with each thrust, the six inches of cock in her own slot moved and wobbled – a weird sensation.
Jonni wanted Sondra to know – again – what a good time her mother was having, how good a lover was her lover, how great it was to be fucked by Jonni.
Jonni wanted May to get lathered up good and let go and howl when she spent, when that orgasm burst in her guts and exploded in her mind. That was Jonni's reward… and in this case her advertisement.
For Jonni was helplessly attracted to Sondra. It was all she could do to keep her hands off the girl while May was out shopping or whatever. Jonni knew she couldn't resist forever. Sondra was the sexiest little doll Jonni had ever seen. Just that night the girl had come flouncing out of the bathroom naked as a skinned cat.
Sondra's breasts were big, heavy, exuberant, brown melons, as big as her mother's but still firm, still without the inevitable sag of time, without the inevitable stretch marks that gravity imposed and soft muscles permitted.
Sondra's waist was tiny. There was not an ounce of real fat on her, and her hips were still slim, not yet matured to the full depth and width of a woman's pelvis. Her V was only lightly fuzzed with kinky pubic hair. Her legs were perfectly shaped; rounded, tapering thighs, ideally contoured calves, thin ankles, dainty feet.
Jonni had been sitting in the kitchenette, reading a novel about lesbians, and had looked up and seen Sondra traipse over to her bed to put on her pajamas, and a twisting knot of want had churned in her stomach.
And so Jonni fucked May fast and hard and wondered if little, lush Sondra was listening and wondering if getting fucked with a dildoe was as good as it sounded.
Because May was beginning to lose control; she was jerking her cunt up and down to meet Jonni's plunges, she was working her big ass in ecstatic grinding circles as the long, imitation cock was thrust up into her spasming cunt.
And this corkscrewing motion on May's part created a similar, reversed movement to that portion of the double dildoe in Jonni's cunt.
It was a weird feeling for Jonni, that twisting side-to-side, up-and-down bulky presence in her belly, but she had never had an orgasm from it. Her only orgasms came from a prolonged, fierce, almost savage rubbing of her clitoris… most often by her own hand in the privacy of the bathroom.
But she wondered if she might not have an orgasm, a psychic orgasm at least – an intense mind-thrill – if she could ever fuck Sondra with this lovely double dildoe.
Could the girl take eight inches of thick rubber cock? Sure, once she was broken in to it. If May could, Sondra could. That sweet virginal cunt was waiting for it, was ripe for it! Sondra's first fuck had to be with Jonni! She'd never forget it!
May interrupted the erotic flow of Jonni's thoughts by clutching Jonni's sweaty back and panting loudly, "Harderrr… fuck me harderrrr."
Jonni wished she were wearing the biggest dildoe in her collection – the ten incher! It snapped onto the post on the other harness and hung down nearly to her knees. That cock would give May the thrill of a lifetime, but May was afraid of it.
Jonni fucked May harder, with long, powerful arcs of her solidly muscled buttocks and thighs. She slapped her vulva against May's, sending the dildoe as deep as possible into both their cunts.
At this time she did feel small jolting flashes of sensation from those impacts, but it wasn't enough to build toward an orgasm for her.