She looked at him, cheeks and nose tip red, so young, twenty-six. He had thought himself much older at the time, but nine years was nothing. Her smile mirrored his, a combination of the smile she had smiled then and the one she wore now, two decades later. Their minds were intertwined by their mentaugs. Her deepest self lay open to Otto. He wondered how she had known how he had felt back then, when she was as she had been born, unchanged, but she had known. For a moment, he was happy.
A buzzing noise chased the music away; the scene disintegrated, photographs blistering in a fire.
"Honour, are you OK?"
"I…" Her face split. The pain hit him. A set of icons in his iHUD warned of the imminent dissolution of the shared fantasy. Their minds came apart.
Honour sat on the stone floor, her head in her hands. The sun glared outside the cave mouth. It was hot and humid, and sweat stuck Otto's shirt to his back. The cave chilled it to the clamminess of sickbed sheets.
"It happened again," he said flatly.
"Yes," she said.
"I hoped…" he began, but he didn't know what he hoped. It was too late for hope.
"I know, Otto. I'm sorry. I hoped too. I'm sick. This confirms it. It's better than not knowing, at least."
Otto stood, tense but immobile. He didn't know what to do, he didn't know what to say. After all they had been through, after all he had been through; it wasn't fair.
It was his fault.
"I'm sorry," she said again, as if it weren't her that was dying, but him. Otto tried to smile, but his face felt weirdly stretched, as if it were numbed or belonged to someone else. He helped Honour to her feet. She put her hands on his shoulders. "How are you?" he said.
"My head really hurts."
"Dizzy?"
"Not so bad this time. Do you have water?"
He nodded, pulled a tube from the camelpack in his backpack and passed it to her gently. She drank gratefully. "Do you think you can walk? I can carry you." And he could, for as long as it took, without tiring. Even then his body had been altered as much as his mind. They'd attended the concert near the start of the process that made him Ky-tech, the mentaug new and terrifying then. More had come. Not much of the Otto from that Christmas was left.
"No, it's OK. I'd rather walk," she said.
They walked past the pile of damp dirt that had once been the cave's tourist centre. Neither its wood nor its industry had survived the new climate. The concrete path alongside the stream that ran out of the cave had, and they picked their way along its crumbling length to the ruins of Castleton at the bottom.
The cave was in a gorge of tall limestone cliffs. When they had attended the concert this had still been typical English hill country, soft green fields with turf grazed to velvet. That had all gone. A scrub of rhododendron covered the hills, the result of a hasty attempt at ecological adaptation. The sky was a boiling mass of black and grey cloud fleeing before a hot wind. The stream had become a river, the village a ruin, windows empty, roofs sagging or gone, though one or two showed rough repair. Quirkies, trying to cling to a world that had started to die a century ago. So much had changed, so quickly.
Honour stumbled, and put her hand to her head. She was gaunt. Horrifically, she was beginning to look her age. It began to rain, a few fat drops that turned into a warm downpour, as if someone had turned on a shower. Otto pulled his wife close.
"Are you sure you are OK?"
"Yes, I'm fine."
"You don't look fine."
"Thanks."
"You don't always have to play the hero."
"You're my hero," she said darting a quick, unconvincing smile at him.
They wended their way through the village, past rusting signs. He helped Honour over heaps of rubble, took her past fields thick with plants that had once only been able to survive in greenhouses.
They reached the car. He'd parked it in the old tourists' car park, now just another collection of misplaced botanical specimens. They got in. They looked at each other, and burst out laughing at the water running in rivulets from their soaked clothes.
"Shall we go home, madchen? " he said.
"Oh, yes, Otto, please. I'm tired."
"It's more than that." He reached out to her, both with his hand and with his mentaug.
"Please, Otto." She grimaced. "Don't poke about in my head. I'm not in the mood."
Rain thundered off the car's clear roof.
"It's worse this time?"
She did not reply.
" Verdammt, Honour! You have to talk with me about this!" He slammed his hands on to the steering wheel. She remained silent. He wrestled with his feelings, appalled by his outburst and the fear that underlay it. "I'm sorry. I'm…" His voice took a pleading edge. "Let's see Ekbaum. He'll help, I am sure."
"No, Otto, no," she said firmly. "Not Ekbaum."
Otto thought about arguing, but he had been with her long enough to know that would get them nowhere. He engaged the air car's turbofans and eased it up into the rain.
He flew on for forty minutes, waited for Honour to fall into an exhausted sleep, and put in a call. Not Ekbaum then, but there were others.
"Can you get me Ms Dinez, please? Yes, neuro-engineering. Thanks."
He arranged an appointment, and hung up as the first cyclone of the wet season smashed into Britain.
Otto started awake. There was a pattering on the window, and for a second he thought he was still back in the car, hearing the rain, but the noise came from a shower of grit cast out by a largelegged machine trundling through a field of tree-stumps, arms plucking felled trees from the floor and stripping them of their branches, logs onto its back, waste ground up for fuelstock and compost going into another vehicle stumping alongside it. Its rear end extruding netted saplings, arms like a spider's spinnerets scooping holes and ramming them into the ground, a new forest for the old. Spider cannon formed a loose square with the forestry walkers at the centre, and tracked sentry guns rolled around them, guards against Beggar Barons' timber poaching and equipment theft.
The train sped past the forestry rigs, their blinking lights lost in the trees.
Otto shook his head. He was raw with emotion. The mentaug was a curse. Every time he slept he relived his life in perfect clarity. Intended to maximise the learning processes associated with sleep, instead the mentaug made Honour live, and every time he woke it was like losing her all over again.
It had been nine years.
It felt like it had happened yesterday.
He could turn it off. He should.
He swallowed hard.
He looked out of the window, forcing himself to concentrate on something else. The sky was grey with predawn light. All slept, Chloe watching over them.
Otto squeezed through the narrow gap between the seats, trying not to bump them.
"Where are you going?" said Chloe, in her sly five-year-old's voice.
"Quiet down," Otto whispered. "I'm going for a walk, stretch my legs."
It was a half-truth. He intended to go for a walk, only there'd be a bottle of whisky at the end of it.
CHAPTER 10
"Ding Ding!" yelled Bear. "All change for solid ground!" He hurled himself from the wood onto the moor, unmindful of the nothingness.
Richards was more cautious. "How can we be sure it's not another fragment?" he said.
Bear closed his beady eyes and breathed deep. "Sniff that air! That's the air of good solid ground, that. Them islands smell funny. Besides," said Bear, stretching his long arms, "even if it was I'd take my chances. If I have to eat another bloody squirrel in my life I'll not be a happy bear."