“Fine,” I said, cowed by the conviction in his eyes. “Fine, I’ll…make ready. I just…” I blinked back the feeling. “You know I will, to save lives, to save people.” I licked my lips. “I have before. With Gavrikov. I can do it again.”
“It will not be enough,” he said, glaring at me. “You fear it, your power. I can see it in your eyes; the fear consumes you. You are afraid of it, to unleash yourself—and yet that will be the only thing that will save us all.”
“I don’t need to unleash anything,” I said. “I’ve got Wolfe in my head, remember? Unleashing has a special meaning with him—”
“Kill Bjorn,” he said, and held up the Omega operative, near lifeless. “If you truly mean that you will do whatever it takes, then show me you can do it. Show me you are willing, that you won’t hesitate, that you won’t falter when we need you most.”
“Are you frigging kidding me?” I waved a hand at him. “He’s out. I’m not killing a lump of inert matter like that.”
“Take his soul,” Old Man Winter said. “Show me.”
“I want that crawling around in my head,” I gestured at Bjorn again, “like I want to take a lit blowtorch and stick it in my ear. No, thank you.”
“Kill him,” Old Man Winter said, and pushed Bjorn forward, dangling him in front of me.
“No!” I said, and backed away. “I’m not…no.”
“Is that your final word on the matter?” There was a dangerous glint in his eyes which I ignored, and I felt the stubbornness come back, like I was talking to Mom.
“I’m not killing an unconscious man, even if he is a monster,” I said, backing away. “I’m not a murderer. I’m not like him.”
“Clary,” Old Man Winter said, jarring the big man out of listening to the conversation, watching all that was taking place, “restrain Sienna, please.”
“What?” I recoiled, almost not believing. I saw Zack move in front of Old Man Winter, as if to interpose himself between us, but a net of light hit him, and he spun, dragged to the ground by Eve Kappler’s abilities, her hands out as she turned toward me. “What the hell are you doing?”
“Clary,” Old Man Winter said again. “Take hold of Sienna, please.”
“I, uh…” Clary faltered, unmoving, unsure, his eyes wide.
“ Clary .” Old Man Winter’s voice crackled like thunder, and Clary shook, his skin turning metal as he turned, hesitantly, toward me.
I tensed, ready to dodge him, ready to run, but Eve’s net took me to the ground unexpectedly. I struggled against it, fighting the light, writhing hard against the ground, but it held me tight to the dirt. My head hurt from where I’d hit a rock when I went down, my shoulder screamed at me as I railed against it.
Clary’s shadow extended over me, a long, dark face cast in metal. “I’m sorry,” he whispered as he dragged the net off me and anchored his hands on each of my wrists. He turned me around, pressing my back against him, carrying me, my arms twisted, in front of him. I thought about ramming my head back against his face, trying to knock myself unconscious, but I decided it was pointless.
“Sir,” Bastian said, “this is…”
“Not now,” Old Man Winter said, dismissing Bastian. “Clary, hold out her hands.”
“Are you kidding me?” I said as Clary pried my hands loose and extended them, walking me along like some sort of ragdoll as I tried kicking to free myself, to no avail. “Clary, you douche!”
“I’m sorry,” Clary said. “But the man’s spoken, Sienna. He knows what he’s talking about.”
“This is for your own good,” Old Man Winter said, advancing on me, Bjorn held in his hands. “For the good of all of us. You can save us, but only if you are prepared.”
“I’ll prepare,” I said, struggling. “I’ll train, I’ll do whatever you want, please just do not…put this sicko…in my head with the others!”
Old Man Winter pressed Bjorn’s shoulders against my palms, held open by Clary’s grip. I felt the drain of the soul begin, the cumulative effect of touching Bjorn earlier drawing the process faster, as my head started to spin. I whimpered, and closed my eyes tight as the burning began, like the joints of my fingers were on fire where I was touching him. Blissfully, Bjorn made not even a sound, though I could clearly hear him screaming in my head as the last of him left his body and joined me in my own, a searing, joyous, agonizing, pleasurable experience as my body reacted and I felt myself shake from all my nerves tingling.
I heard my breath, falling, rising, felt the slow smile creep onto my face that I had to wipe off by sheer force of will; Charlie was right, it was better than anything, better than the sex—
“I am sorry,” Old Man Winter said, staring down at me. “But you left me no choice.”
“Okay,” I said, trying to regain my breath, pragmatic, wondering how long it would be before I could get away from him, from everybody, torn between what had just happened that made me feel so dirty and violated and yet tingly and warm —I wanted to simultaneously shower and cast myself into the fire of the dormitory, feel it scream across my skin, searing all the yuck off of me along with this horrible feeling of being used, lied to, betrayed—
“I very much doubt that it is ‘okay’,” Old Man Winter said, withdrawing. “You are still unready, unwilling to do what it will take. You will hesitate and it will be the death of you. And with you, all our hopes.” He snapped his fingers at Parks and Bastian in turn. “Free Zack from the net…and bring him here.”
It took about two seconds for my mind to register what he had said, and another one or two before I realized what he was intending. “No,” I said, nauseous, disbelieving.
“Sir…” Bastian said under his breath.
“That’s not right,” Parks said, a little louder.
“You’re beyond the line here, Director,” Ariadne said, stepping up next to him.
Old Man Winter was quiet for a long moment. “When our entire species is in danger of being wiped out…there are no lines I am not willing to cross.” He turned calmly back to Bastian. “Bring him.”
“NO!” I shrieked and fought against Clary’s rock-like grip, flailing and kicking. I felt him wrap his arm around my midsection, snugging me tight to him while leaving my arms extended, holding them tight enough to numb them. “No!”
“You can’t do this, sir—” I heard Ariadne say.
“Kappler,” Old Man Winter said, “take her away.”
Eve grabbed hold of Ariadne, who screamed as Eve bent her backwards, causing Ariadne to hold her side in pain. I watched Eve wrap an arm tightly around her and drag her away, even as Ariadne tried to fight back. They disappeared into the smoke.
“Roberto…Glen…” Old Man Winter spoke again, warning. “This is the moment to decide whether you are willing to do what it will take to preserve our world…or whether you are content to die with the others.”
“I…” Parks mouth opened and shut, no words coming out.
“Come on,” Bastian said, landing a hand on Parks’ shoulder and pointing him toward Zack, who lay watching the whole exchange under the net, strangely quiet. “You know why we have to.”
“No, please…” I wasn’t even ashamed that the begging came from me. I could see Zack watching me. “Please, please, please don’t…Clary…Parks…Bastian…Please….”
They had Zack up on his feet, by the arms, and brought him forward, toward me, toward death. I looked up, away, tried to pretend I was anywhere but here, in the ruins of the only place I’d ever really thought of as a home, surrounded by the people I trusted with my life, with my future.
“Look at me,” Old Man Winter said, and I did, even though he was blurry and I had to strain to see him. “You will hate me for this. And that is the way of things. You will never need to thank me, when you realize what I have done to save us all here, today. But you will know, the day will come, and you will realize that I have done what I have done…for the good of all of us…and for your own good.”