Выбрать главу

I have seen Absalom alive in the oak; I have seen his neck between the branches; locusts flew from his hair. Then a servant of David saw him also and ran to tell Joab. Oh prevent it… prevent it! But Joab has come in his gown of blood to bare the breast of Absalom, while Absalom watches, and find his heart. I have never seen the Lord God. But I have seen Absalom alive in the tree.

Jethro was a priest of Midian, father-in-law to Moses, and a wise adviser. Furber, too, determined to live for the church. But at first it was only the wild times and his own terror that attracted him: the immense stretch of the opposing hosts and the harsh cries of battle, the plagues and the engulfing sea, the cloud and the pillar of fire. Then one morning, his eyes still aching from an unpleasant sleep, he came into the parlor where the Bible lay open on a table before a window, its pages turning in the morning breeze, and glancing idly down he saw these words of St. Paul which seemed to leap from the page to strike him: "For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead." And his heart stopped. There was an immense silence inside him. It was a silence like that which overtook the world while he slept. "They are without excuse." All night he'd been in the tent of David, before the rows of benches and the clapping people. Heads had been brought in, and David, peering at each closely, had asked him again and again: what do you see? why is he smiling? what is the meaning? The head of Goliath. Laughing, David had thrust his finger in its mouth. You're a fish past biting, old friend. Saul. Tears had soaked Saul's beard though he was smiling. David assaulted the head with his spear. How long has this been happening? Saul — dead — is weeping. And no one dared to tell me. The head of Sheba, caught by Joab's running awkwardly, and Joab's own, and many more of David's captains, smiling. What is the meaning? The page curled and blew over. Furber had cried out: yes, that's so; while pans slid noisily in the kitchen. To Jethro they were trumpets. Even now, as he remembered it, his flesh prickled. That terrible night of heads. There was a plague among the people in the tent. They began to groan and fall forward on their faces. David said: let us sing a song of my own composition.

red

red

maidenhead

Janet's no longer a boy-oh

A man and a woman opened the flap. Jethro rose, shouting angrily: that woman is a woman of Midian. Who plays the harlot with this daughter of Moab, bringing this plague of heads upon us? And he took up David's spear, for David was weeping — Absalom's head was swinging by its hair — and rushed down the aisle to spit the man and woman on it beautifully-bravo. David praised him, saying: you have turned back the wrath of God from the people of Israel. Then a strange head was brought in, a head without features, smiling, without cheeks or lips or chin, and Furber said: who is this? what is the meaning? and David answered: this is the head of Jethro, a priest of Midian, once father-in-law to Moses, and a wise adviser.

His mother came from the kitchen where she was peeling cucumbers. What is the matter, Jethro, she said. This too, he thought, is a sign, even the smell of cucumber, and I must try to understand it. At the end of his dream, while he'd sat paralyzed beside King David, another head had been brought. This is the head of Solomon, your son, a voice said to David. King David rose slowly, his weapons falling from him. But I die before Solomon, he said. Shall I cut this child in two, said Solomon's head. I die before Solomon, David said, his garments falling from him. Tell me I'm not smiling. Tell me. I can't hear you, he shouted, his body falling from him. Tell me I'm not smiling not smiling not smiling. . But his head wore a smile as sweet and mild and rosy as the heads, for example, of Saul and Amasa, as the heads, for instance, of Goliath and Joab, or as the head of the foolish Sheba which Joab caught so awkwardly just in time. Jethro gave his mother a reassuring peck and asked for breakfast: sugared peaches in cream, fresh milk, sweet rolls with sweet butter, whole strawberry jam.

You'd have loved my mother, Pike. Happy? Proud?

Visiting ladies in elaborate Sunday hats shaded my face from the sun that came streaming through the parlor windows in the summer afternoons. Mother hugs me. He's decided, she says, and they — the ladies with smoothed cosmetic faces — smile and sigh. So young. And mother would always misunderstand them. But not too young to decide, she'd insist. Maybe Aunt Janet would come away from the fishbowl. She hoped the fish would nibble at her finger. She said she thought it would tickle. If she did stop it was always to ram that finger, dripping, into my ribs. Her wide hat would darken my eyes and I would blink at the things which hung from the brim. So you've chosen Christ, my boy, she would say in a low soft voice, putting her face close to mine so I always saw the powder at the bottom of her wrinkles. That's-she drives the finger into my side — fine. Mother hauls me to her bosom in an overflow of love, denting my nose with one of her buttons. He doesn't say much about it… but Janet, I think he's had an experience.

Pike, what if I'd said: yes mother, I've seen the private parts of fatty Ruth? Would my life have changed? Much? Oh I should have spoken out. Shame. Not to praise the parts of fatty Ruth. Ah if I'd had your spirit, Pike, when her skirts were hoisted up. Breathe your spirit into me.

wiggle oh

gigolo

we'll live so bungalow

in my soft down below

until you drown

Pike speaks: ladies love religious little boys.

By god Pike, you're right. I was loved. I was held, pinched, squeezed, encompassed by beads. Then Morton, too, sanctimonious old pimp, shook my hand and gave me a hymnal with a broken spine. What number was it? Ninety-two? we rise to praise… no, nineteen, no, that's the number of the psalm: "the heavens declare the glory" — but Pike, it's what I learned as a boy from Paul, though I was a long time understanding it. "Day to day uttereth speech." What is the meaning? God spoke that day between the lower lips of fatty Ruth but I missed the meaning of his proposition. Well even Moses was slow witted with the burning bush. I missed the meaning again of Auntie Janet who has just now cocked her thumb and taken aim with her right forefinger blam! hug chest quick — too late it's into the rib just under my arm and the moon is falling near, see the mountains and the craters and the lines of snow and ice. There's a chapped mouse squeaking indistinctly cheeses priced at sss-blam! dime. Cheeses. Holey cheeses. Janet, I believe he's had an experience. Well the boy's high-strung. But he's changed; you've no idea. And so young, dear child. He doesn't shake. He may, again, there's plenty of time.

I should have reminded her, Pike, that Jesus was a God already as a fetus, but I've no spirit, no proper spirit. Christ. No ghost. Whirld. Shreech.

one a pastor

two a parson