“We may get to the Grand Canyon this week, right?” Cass joked.
Eb laughed. “Oh, wait, he’s picking up speed. No, he changed his mind. Fifty-six… shit.”
Truck.
It came out of nowhere, full speed, appearing like a ghost from over the edge of the slight grade. It wasn’t a tractor-trailer, it was a pickup truck. A newer one and bigger than normal. It was as if the driver didn’t realize he had his own lane. He drifted into their lane and plowed head-on into her parents’ car.
Just like that.
An instant, a split second. Laughter to heartache.
The blue sedan folded, smashed, and flipped like a box being clipped by a car going full speed down the road.
So fast. So hard.
Cass instantly and instinctively released a gut bellowing scream just before Eb’s hard breaking caused the car to spin sideways and become one with the wreckage of the truck.
Everything went black.
She wished to God Eb wasn’t such a good driver or his reaction time was a second slower—if it had been, she, too, along with Eb would have been dead.
“An old familiar scene,” Kit said standing by her at the bar. He took a seat. “Stare, think, wait, drink it fast then go.”
“Yep.” Cass nodded. “Only I’m not washing down pills.”
“That’s a good thing,” Kit said.
“You’re not gonna ask me if I’m going to take them again, are you?”
“Have I ever?” Kit asked. “You stopped. That’s good enough for me.”
“Eight years, Kit. Eight years,” Cass whispered. “And the memories I am having today and yesterday are as real as they were then.”
“Cass, there is no time limit on grief. Especially loss when it’s sudden and traumatic. This isn’t the first time you flashed back there and it won’t be the last. It’s how you handle it.”
“You’re right.”
“I knew… I knew putting you on that accident story wasn’t a good idea.”
“It was a trigger, but you know, but Eb… Eb today just innocently said that Jordie would be driving like Kat and”—Cass snapped her finger—“bam. There I was.”
Eb’s voice called to her. “Cass, Cass please, it’s going to be alright.”
She was outside, the sun blaring in her eyes when she came to. On her back, she knew she was being carried and Eb moved with her, running alongside the stretcher, the sound of the helicopter whirling loudly. “Eb. Eb… are they…?”
“Cass, we’re getting you help.”
She saw his face. A streak of blood ran down from his brow. “Eb.” She sobbed. She didn’t feel any bodily pain. She didn’t even know why they were taking her. Her head turned the other way and when she did, she saw her parents’ car, a small fire smoldered up front. On the ground next to it she saw two covered bodies. Both of them small. “No!” she screamed.
Just like that everyone she loved was gone.
It didn’t matter how careful of a driver her father was, he wasn’t in control of the others on the road. She blamed herself for telling the kids they could ride with her parents. Her oldest daughter, Jordie, was eight at the time, her youngest, Layla, was four. It didn’t matter what Eb said. She felt guilty. It wasn’t just the loss that tore her and Eb apart, it was Cass. She just couldn’t accept that she witnessed their deaths, never got to say goodbye, and never died with them that day.
“He can say things like that,” Cass told Kit. “With a smile. Me… no. I mean, yeah, I think of the girls and the memories and smile but… back then. He was strong.”
“He was broken, Cass,” Kit said. “He just threw himself into work. We do what we need to do to get through. You did what needed to be done.”
“But Eb did it the right way.”
“Is there a right way?”
Cass just looked at Kit. “Maybe not. But we can say there’s a wrong way.” She peered down for a second to her drink. “I didn’t just want to die that day, I wanted to die back then. I tried.”
“Oh, I know.”
Everything was blurry. How many pills had she taken? How much booze had Cass drunk? The road felt rippled and sideways when it wasn’t. On the dark highway, the bright headlights of the tractor-trailers glared in her double vision. The only thing that was clear was the sound of the long warning horns that sounded off every time a truck avoided hitting her.
A double blip-blip of a police siren and Cass stopped.
She turned around swaying, shielding her eyes from the flashing lights.
“Cass!” Kit shouted to her and raced her way. “What the fuck are you doing?” He grabbed hold of her arm.
“Leave me alone, Kit, I just want to die.” She pulled her arm away.
“You don’t think drinking and popping pills won’t eventually get you there?”
“Not fast enough.” She brough the bottle to her lips.
Kit grabbed the bottle and threw it. “Not on my watch, Cass. If you don’t care enough about yourself, care about Eb. Don’t do this to Eb.”
“He already divorced me.”
“He still loves you. I will not let you do this to him. Now, let’s get in the car…” He reached again for her. “Get you back home and—”
“No!” Cass yanked away, spun, and backed away. “Let me do this, Kit. You’re not stopping me.” She tried to run, staggering some. She saw the lights of the oncoming truck and she walked right to it.
“You tased me,” Cass said, then after a beat she softly chuckled. “I can’t believe you tased me.”
“Gotta do what you gotta do.”
“Have I ever thanked you for saving my life that day?” Cass asked.
“Yeah, you did. You hit rock bottom, Cass, all of us knew you’d make a change once you did that. My Taser had nothing to do with it. I’m glad you stopped wanting to die.”
“Yeah, me too. It’s my way to keep them alive,” Cass said. “You know some ancient something or other says a person lives as long as someone is around to remember them.”
“I think that’s Westworld,” Kit said.
“Or the movie Coco.” Cass smiled and looked over her shoulder. “So, I see you’re meeting with our newcomers. Is it official police business?”
“No, just talking. They still aren’t specific. They still say we’re safe. They want me to ask around to see if anyone left town yesterday at all. You know, see if they’re showing signs of this… thing, whatever it may be. Did you, Cass,” Kit said with joking tone, “leave town?”
“Not me. Well, Miller Run Road, but that’s not out of town. Brian went to Seaver.”
“Brian went to Seaver?”
“Yeah, for lunch yesterday with Patty. They were there for a while,” Cass replied.
“Where is he now?”
“Get this,” Cass said. “You’ll crack up. He’s sick or something.” She noticed Kit immediately looked over toward Bill and Art. “Kit, he’s fine. You talked to Seaver yesterday, they’re a safe place.”
Kit looked at her.
“You did talk to Seaver, right?”
Kit didn’t answer.
“Goddamn it, Kit, you lied?”
“Well, Cass I just didn’t…”
“Son of a bitch.” She slammed her hand and stood up.
“Where are you going?”