‘Catchy title.’
‘Yeah, but I’m thinking of calling it “Too Deep to Dig”.’
‘It’s hard to choose,’ said Peter.
‘The central idea is love, love, love. Forget your suffering and your petty squabbles, just love, love, love. Forget your drinking and your smoking, because when you understand love, you’ll love yourself too much to do that stuff. That’s pretty much a quotation from the book,’ said Jerome, to excuse the eloquence of these remarks. ‘Why doesn’t God alleviate our suffering?’
‘I’ve often wondered,’ said Peter.
‘Because he doesn’t see it as suffering.’
‘Clearly he’s less bright than one imagined.’
‘The thing you notice that you haven’t noticed that you don’t have is the thing that really matters,’ said Jerome, beaming vibrational energy at Peter. ‘Think about it.’
They stood beside a wagon-wheel with candle-flame light bulbs, hanging low over a conference table that groaned with bright orange triangular chips and a tub of oil-free herbal dip. Peter was desperate to ditch Jerome, but Jerome, having got Peter abreast of his business projects, was ready to feign an interest in his career.
‘So, what are you doing here in California?’ he asked.
‘Well, I know it sounds ridiculous, but I’m looking for a woman I’m in love with. I don’t suppose you know her,’ said Peter wearily. ‘A German girl called Sabine?’
‘Sure I know her,’ said Jerome. ‘Tall, brown hair, very cute…’
‘Christ,’ said Peter, leaning on the table. ‘Yes, that’s her. From Frankfurt?’
‘But originally from Hanover,’ said Jerome, in a perfect impersonation of Sabine.
‘I don’t believe this,’ gasped Peter. ‘Where is she?’
‘She’s here in LA.’
I knew it, thought Peter, I knew there was some point to my being in this ghastly place. Perseverance is rewarded, serendipity does work, life is beautiful.
‘We could see her later tonight, if you want,’ suggested Jerome.
‘If I want, if I want … I’ve given up my job, I’ve spent three months looking for her, I’ve almost run out of money…’
He reflected that in the movie version of this moment he would probably break down in tears.
‘Your search is over,’ said Jerome, rubbing Peter’s back soothingly. ‘Let’s go see her.’
Caroline wanted to come along too.
‘I wouldn’t miss this reunion for all the world,’ she sighed.
Jerome was also bringing a friend, a thickset and pock-marked lawyer called Julio, who had just joined the entertainment lawyer’s firm.
It was raining heavily outside and Jool’s car moved slowly through the steamy darkness and the sudden torrents of increasingly narrow roads.
‘Where exactly are we going?’ asked Caroline.
‘Place in the valley,’ said Jerome.
‘Do you have any legal representation here in the States?’ said Julio, straining backwards with a grunt.
‘No,’ said Peter, ‘but I don’t do any business here.’
‘No, no,’ said Julio. ‘You’re putting the carriage before the horse. You gotta have legal representation, then you get the deal.’
‘Do you specialize in entertainment?’ asked Peter politely.
‘No, I’m in personal injury,’ said Julio.
‘Is that legal?’ asked Peter.
‘Sure it’s legal, it’s a branch of the law.’
‘I was just joking…’ mumbled Peter.
‘Julio is working on the patent of my water-purifying invention,’ Jerome explained. ‘It changes the molecular structure of the water and makes it lighter, so it doesn’t produce such tight-rooted vegetables.’
In the shadows of the back seat, Caroline crossed her eyes and stuck her tongue out to indicate her opinion of this scheme.
‘It doesn’t use any chemicals,’ said Jerome. ‘I met a healer in Tijuana said cancer was caused by chemicals that are everywhere around us. They change the molecules, parasites move in and they explode into cancer cells.’
‘God, how terrifying,’ said Caroline in a bored voice. ‘Look, I don’t want to be a party-pooper, but how far is it exactly to this place? I’ve got an acupuncture appointment early tomorrow morning.’
‘Acupuncture,’ said Julio. ‘Guy sued the other day, ’cause he said it didn’t make no difference. Had to get the AMA to adjudicate. They said nothing had happened, no improvement.’
‘Don’t believe anything you read in the newspapers,’ said Jerome. ‘Everything you read in American newspapers is not the truth, it’s a story they’re putting out. Of course acupuncture works. The body is an electrical system.’
‘Look,’ said Caroline, ‘could you answer the question? How far are we?’
‘Not far,’ said Julio, scratching his neck. ‘Rain slowed us down, look at this rain…’
‘Repent,’ said Jerome, ‘that’s a beautiful word. It’s repentare: to think again. It’s so beautiful. Later on it became associated with guilt. They invented guilt.’
‘You realize we’re going to be murdered, don’t you?’ Caroline whispered to Peter reproachfully.
Peter frowned at her to show that he felt she was exaggerating.
‘What about the Fall?’ he said to Jerome.
‘The Fall,’ laughed Jerome, as if this was a great joke. ‘Knowledge of good and evil. Before the Fall, when we lived in Atlantis and Lemuria, we had these incredible powers, and we’re going to get them back,’ he said, slapping the steering wheel. ‘We’re going to get them back, but we’ve had like ten thousand years of guilt and good and evil, and distinctions and ego, but we’re going to get back those powers we had in Lemuria.’
‘What’s the source of that?’ asked Julio.
‘I gave you that book,’ said Jerome.
‘Oh, yeah, yeah. It’s because it’s in the DNA, right?’
‘No,’ said Jerome angrily. ‘Let’s get cause and effect right. It’s because it’s like that that it’s in the DNA, not the DNA that caused it.’
‘Yeah, right, right,’ said Julio, conceding the justice of this point.
The conversation petered out in these fathomless philosophical waters. Caroline crossed her arms and stared tragically out of the window, as if to burden Peter not just with her own death but with the death of all the Ophelias she would now never play.
‘We’re here,’ said Jerome.
They got out of the car in front of a black wall with a black door in it, and a pink neon sign saying ‘222’.
‘What is this?’ asked Caroline.
‘It’s a place Sabine loves to hang out,’ said Jerome.
‘You always had strange taste in girlfriends,’ said Caroline ironically.
The dimness of the interior failed to hide large areas of baldness in the red carpet. A number of unusually tall women in sequined evening dresses hung around the bar. One of them sat on a gashed banquette with a hollow-cheeked man in a leather coat.
Jerome went over to the bar and whispered to one of the girls.
‘You realize what this is, don’t you?’ asked Caroline.
‘A low dive,’ said Peter.
‘They’re trannies.’
‘What?’
‘Transsexuals. I’m going to call a cab — we may still be able to get out of here alive.’
‘I want to introduce you to a friend of Sabine’s,’ said Jerome.
‘Look here…’ said Peter.
‘Sabine’s coming here later to meet up with her.’
‘I’m not sure I believe you,’ said Peter.
‘Are you saying that my friend is lying?’ asked Julio.
‘No, I’m—’