On the Night of the Seventh Moon

“I know that, and it must not be less than perfect. Lenchen,” he went on sadly, ‘there has never been such a night as that when we met. I dreamed of it; every time the mist fell I wanted to ride out and look for you. It was absurd, wasn’`t it? But you want to go home so I will take you. “

He turned the horse and we rode in silence. I was held tightly against him and I was happy. I knew now that I loved him. He had excited me as no other person ever had or I was sure ever could; but when he turned the horse towards the village I loved him because although I was inexperienced I was conscious of an almost uncontrollable desire which he held in check by tenderness for me and which seemed to me the very essence of romance and that was what told me that I loved him.

I could hear the shouts of revellers as we approached the town; I saw the glow from the flares; one or two people passed us couples mostly, on their way to the forest. We did not go right into the Altstadt but skirted it and I directed him to my cousin’s house.

He sprang out of the saddle and lifted me down; as he did so for a few seconds he held me in his arms and kissed me tenderly this time.

“Good night, little Lenchen.”

I felt an impulse to tell him that we must meet again, that it was because I was worried about Ilse that I wanted to go in. But it wasn’`t only that. I did not know who he was; I did / know, though, that it was not unusual for him to take a woman to the hunting lodge; I knew that the silk nightdress and the blue velvet robe had probably been put there for one of them, and that he had intended that I should provide him with the same brief amusement as others had.

But my guardian angel had saved me and now I had saved myself unwillingly, reluctantly, it was true, but I knew that I was right.

He did not suggest another meeting. He let me go; and before I reached the porch I heard his horse’s hoofs on the road.

Ilse dashed out of the house.

“Helena! Whatever has happened?”

I told her the story. I had lost her. I had lost my shoe. One of the revellers had brought me home.

“I’ve been beside myself,” she cried.

“I couldn’'t think what to do for the best. I roamed about looking for you, then I thought I had better come back here and get a search-party together.”

“It’s all right now. Ilse. I was worried about you. I came back as soon as I could.”

“You must be exhausted.”

Exhausted! I was exhilarated and depressed, exultant and frustrated.

My feelings were in a whirl.

She looked at me oddly.

“Go to bed,” she said, ‘and I’ll bring you up some hot milk. It’ll make you sleep. “

Nothing could make me sleep that night.

I lay there going over it all. The words he had said; the implications; he had wanted to take me to the hunting lodge. I wondered if Hildegarde was there.

And then as I went over every detail I said to myself: I’ve lost him now. This is the second time. I shall never see him again.

One thing I knew was that all my life I should be haunted by him. I should never forget him.

I slept late next morning for I had only dozed fitfully throughout the night until dawn and then fallen into a deep slumber.

The sun was streaming into my room when I awoke and a great sadness descended on me. He had gone; he had explained as clearly as he could that since I could not be his companion of a night or so it was better that we should part.

I dressed lethargically and took breakfast on the little terrace at the back of the house but I had little appetite. I said I would go for a walk into the town during the morning and perhaps do a little shopping for Ilse.

When I returned to the house Ilse came to the door. There was a strange look on her face, as near to excitement as I had ever seen her.

She said, “There is a visitor to see you.”

“A visitor?”

“Count Lokenberg.”

I stared at her.

“Who on earth is that?”

“Go and see.” And she drew me towards the sitting-room, opened the door and pushed me forward. She shut the door on us so that we were alone, which seemed a strange thing for her to do. At home I should not have been left alone with a man-and here the codes of behaviour were as strict as those at home-perhaps more so.

But already I had seen him. He looked incongruous in this little room; he filled it with his presence.

“I’ve discarded my headdress,” he said.

“I hope you recognize me without it.”

“You Count Lokenberg! What are you doing here?”

“I am sure Aunt Caroline would be shocked at your manner of greeting a visitor, and you usually set such store on not shocking her.”

I felt the colour rising in my cheeks and I knew my eyes were sparkling, I was so happy.

“I can’t think where Ilse is,” I stammered.

“Obeying orders.” He took my hands.

“Lenchen,” he said, “I’ve been thinking of you all night. And you, have you been thinking of me?”

“Almost all night,” I admitted.

“I did not sleep till dawn.”

“You wanted to come with me, didn’`t you? You were calling out for me to abduct you and carry you away to the lodge. Confess it.”

“If it could have happened and then not have happened and could have been a sort of dream . “

“Impossible, my darling. But you were frightened, and that was the last thing I wanted. I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything . but you must be equally eager and willing. It’s no use otherwise.

You must want to come to me as much as I want you to. “

“Is that one of your conditions?”

He nodded.

I said: “You didn’`t tell me who you were.”

“Siegfried sounded so much more to your taste.”

“And then Odin or Loke. And all the time you are this count.”

“A hero or a god is more impressive than a count.”

“But a count is more real.”

“And you prefer reality.”

“If there is going to be any permanency there must be reality.”

“My practical Lenchen, you know I’m obsessed by you.”

“Are you?”

“Your smile is radiant. You know I am as you are with me. I make no conditions.”

“Conditions?”

“You understand, Lenchen. If we had made our vows before a priest you would not have said ” Go back”. You would have said ” Go on”; and your eagerness would have equalled my own. Confess it. You don’t hide your feelings one bit. I know what you are thinking all the time. It’s there in your face your lovely young face. I know every detail.

I have dreamed of it every night and seen it every day since I found you in the forest. I love you, Lenchen, and you love me, and love like ours must be fulfilled. That is why we shall make our vows before the priest and then you will have no fears. You will be free to love. You will not see Aunt Caroline in your mind’s eye raising shocked hands; there will be no worrying about nuns or your cousin . nothing but us and that’s how I wish it to be. “

“You are asking me to marry you?”

“And what do you say?”

I did not have to answer. As I said, I betrayed myself.

“Tomorrow,” I said.

“How can it be tomorrow? People don’t marry like that.”

Here they could, he told me. He would arrange it. If he commanded a priest to marry him that priest would obey him. It would be a simple ceremony. The priest would come into the house, either this or the hunting lodge. It had been done before. I could safely leave everything to him.

I was bemused. I could not get rid of the idea that I was in the company of a supernatural being. Perhaps that’s how it always is when one is in love. The loved one is unique, of course, but more than that, perfect. Everything had changed; the whole world seemed to be mad with joy; the birds sang more joyously; the grass was greener, the flowers more beautiful; the sun shone with a new warmth; and the moon, honey-coloured, lying a little on its side still almost full, wise and benign to lovers-seemed to be laughing because Helena Trant loved Count Lokenberg and all difficulties were to be swept aside by the priest before whom they were to make their vows to love and cherish until death parted them.