I relaxed slightly. Anything that didn't involve scales claws or fathers, I could handle. "I told you. I'm a projective null."
"Nulls block magic. That was not blocking it!"
"It's never happened that way before." I struggled for words that would make sense. "Usually, it just... goes somewhere inside me, like I absorb it somehow, and then it's gone. I've never been able to... redirect it... before."
He didn't look like he believed me. "You used it as a weapon."
I started to shrug, but stopped because it hurt. My whole right side felt sore, like I'd swum a marathon using only one arm. "It was considered one, a long time ago. Nulls used to serve as bodyguards to anybody worried about a magical assault. They brought down the wards guarding their enemies' lands, and some of the strongest stopped entire battles just by walking onto the field. But that was before the Harvesters almost wiped us out."
"To make null bombs."
"Yeah. In the eyes of most of the supernatural community, I'm not a person, I'm a weapon. And the sooner they drain me into one of their bombs the better."
"But your family protected you," Heidar said, more softly. He seemed to realize he'd hit a nerve.
"If you call trying to sell me to the Fey protection."
"I assumed they did so to keep you away from the Harvesters. If you were part of a powerful Fey family – "
I laughed, but it sounded bitter. "My welfare was not foremost in Father's mind."
I sat up and found that I could move with no trouble except for a little stiffness. Someone had put me in a white nightgown liberally trimmed with lace – not my style – but I didn't feel like complaining. I sat on the edge of the bed and looked at poor, beat-up Heidar. Normally, I didn't like talking about my family history, but under the circumstances, I thought it might be relevant.
"My father was always too ambitious for his own good, especially in politics," I said, grimacing a little at the understatement. "When he discovered that Jonas Marsden, the mage who headed up the Great Council, was retiring, he decided he would have the top spot himself or die trying." It ended up the latter, but the prize glittered so brightly that it had blinded him to the risks.
The Council is the ruling body of the Silver Circle, which controls the actions of the entire western hemisphere's magical community. Whoever leads it wields more power than the U.S. president, the Secretary General of the U.N. and a few prime ministers thrown in for good measure – with the added bonus of fewer checks on his behavior. In return for me, the Fey promised to help Father's campaign with a little timely blackmail. It seemed that his chief opponent would have also sold his firstborn for power, if he hadn't already done so for a seat on the Council. I think the Fey found it amusing that one candidate would tarnish another's name by committing the same sin himself – it fit their sense of irony.
"Sebastian convinced Father that only the Fey could insure his victory. And he only had one thing they wanted."
"You."
"Seb thought it would get me out of the way," I explained, "and clear the road for him to inherit the business. But I doubt he had to talk very hard. I'm almost six feet tall. I tower over the rest of the family like, as Father was fond of saying, the stork forgot to leave the baby and instead took up residence itself. Even worse, I'm a redheaded, green-eyed stork in a family of mostly short, brown-eyed branets." It was a fact constantly brought up by my relatives – assuming they were my relatives.
"And your mother?"
"Also short, although she was blonde."
"No, I mean, did she ever mention anything about having an... unusual encounter?"
"She died shortly after I was born – by falling down a flight of stairs she'd climbed safely a hundred times before. So I don't know much about her. All the family ever said was that she craved hot sauce the whole time she was carrying me." A little tidbit that seemed truly ironic now. "But no one ever mentioned a liaison with anyone tall, dark, and scaly."
Heidar laughed. He looked immediately contrite, but I shrugged. "It's all right. Obviously, it happened."
He raised a brow, then winced as if it had hurt. "You aren't happy to find out about your second nature."
I stared at him. "Happy?"
He sighed and got up, moving stiffly over to the bed. "That's what I thought."
"What part of turning into a monster is supposed to be good news?" I asked, incredulously.
"You aren't a monster, Claire," he told me patiently. "You're simply one of the Two-Natured. There's quite a few of us around, what with all the inbreeding with humans that has taken place over the years. I'm half Light Fey, half human myself."
"Big deal!" I jumped up and a frown creased his forehead as he watched me stride back and forth beside the bed. "In your case, that means you get a great body and wonderful bone structure! The worst you have to put up with is glowing a little sometimes!"
His face brightened. "I have a great body?"
I whirled on him, furious. "And what do I have? That fat, scaly, horrible... thing... with wings!" I broke off because I was close to tears and I didn't want to cry. I just wanted this not to be real. "I killed that horse, and I don't even eat meat!" I collapsed into a heap, crying anyway, remembering how terrified that poor creature had looked right before I barbecued him. He should have been scared – I certainly was.
I felt strong arms go around me, but I refused to look up. I didn't want to see revulsion in Heidar's eyes. I wondered if, somehow, the Fey that had come to Father's had known. Had they seen something in me that gave it away, some small sign I hadn't known to look for? The young one who had called me disgusting – had he seen what I truly was when the layers were pulled away?
A violent shudder shook me and I realized that I was crying, really sobbing, like a small child. I was a mess of conflicting emotions, with fear being uppermost, and no matter how much I cried, it didn't seem to help. Heidar held me for a while, letting me get it out, but when I didn't stop he lifted my chin. I don't know what I looked like – probably nothing very appealing as my skin goes all blotchy when I cry – but he didn't seem to notice. His usually bright blue eyes were virtually black with some emotion, but there was no revulsion that I could see.
He took one of my hands in his. I stared at it, remembering that he'd used the same gesture on my dragon-form. The scales hadn't seemed to bother him. Suddenly, those sensual lips curved into a smile. "I thought you made a really cute dragon, myself."
I stared at him.
"You had these big pansy-colored eyes, and a little shock of purple fuzz, right here." He tickled my chin.
"You're crazy," I told him. At that moment, I really believed it.
"No, I've simply had a lot longer to learn to deal with being Two-Natured than you have." His face turned serious. "And it's not so bad. Yes, there are... challenges... but there are advantages, as well. Both of you gain some of the other's abilities, making you far stronger in either form than you would have been otherwise." He thought for a minute. "Which might explain why you're such a strong null. Your dragon twin lends you extra power."
"I'm a monster," I whispered, wondering how he'd somehow missed that.
"No, you're half Fey, like me."
"I'm not like you!" I yelled into his too composed face. What was he, retarded? "Dragons are... are... things, not people!"
"Now you sound like the Svarestri," Heidar said disapprovingly. "There really are no Light and Dark Fey, Claire. It's something we tell ourselves, but our blood is pretty much the same, when you come right down to it. The Svarestri used to rule Faerie, and they took their fall hard. They've never gotten over it, never learned to accept being on a par with the rest of us. So they refuse to believe that they are."