The guilt of what she had done was weighing on her heavier than ever. All she wanted to do was tell someone, anyone. But the one person she could talk to about it never wanted to see her again, and the one person she needed to talk to about it would never forgive her. He loved her, but how could he accept what she had done?
“Hey, bitch, check out this one,” Victoria said, banging on her dressing room door.
Liz wiped at her face and tried to compose herself before opening the door.
“You look great!” Victoria said, checking out the dress. When she looked back up at Liz, though, she tilted her head and furrowed her brow. “What’s this about? You okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” she croaked. She wasn’t hiding anything from her best friend.
“I mean, it’s just a dress, Liz. I think it looks great.” The look on Victoria’s face made it all too clear to Liz that Victoria knew it wasn’t the dress. “Now, what’s really wrong?” Victoria demanded, planting her hands on her hips.
Liz shook her head. “Nothing, Vic, I’m fine. No worries. Just a beautiful dress, huh?” she said, lying through her teeth.
“What the fuck is going on?”
“Nothing! Can’t I appreciate a good-looking dress?” She turned away from Victoria and looked at herself in the boutique’s trifold mirror.
“If it makes you cry that much, then don’t get it,” Victoria said flatly.
A tear rolled down Liz’s face when she stared at her reflection again. She very clearly looked as if she had been crying. God, she needed to get it together.
“Okay. I can’t make light of this anymore. What the fuck happened? Just fucking spit it out.”
“I kissed someone else!” Liz said, covering her mouth as soon as the words left it. She crouched in the middle of the dressing room and covered her face. Even as her tears continued falling, she brushed them away and looked back up at her friend.
Victoria’s mouth was hanging open and she was staring at Liz as if she had never seen her before. Liz shrank in on herself even more at the expression. Yeah, she was a terrible person.
“Oh my God! Was it recently?” Victoria asked, her eyes as large as saucers.
“No.”
“Was it that night when you and Hayden got into an argument last October?”
Liz stood up and pushed her hair off her face. She felt clammy and slightly nauseated, but it felt good to get it out for the first time ever.
“Yeah. It was.”
“I knew it!” Victoria shrieked.
“Yeah, you guessed it. I’m a terrible girlfriend who cheated on her perfect fucking boyfriend. Yay! So glad you were right,” Liz said in frustration. She felt like shit.
“Oh, please, your boyfriend is not perfect! He pushed you into someone else’s arms. I would have fucked someone else that night. You were totally in the right.”
“I was not!” Liz cried. “Are you insane? I kissed someone else while I’m dating Hayden.”
“Well, don’t tell the whole world,” Victoria said, nodding her head into the boutique.
Liz shook her head. She hadn’t been paying any attention to what was going on around her. “I’m going to change. I just want to go home.”
“Yeah, but you should get that dress.”
“I don’t want it.”
“But it’s like your meltdown dress. You need it.”
“Whatever,” Liz said, walking into the dressing room.
“So, who is the guy?” Victoria prodded after a couple silent seconds.
“It doesn’t matter.”
Liz took the dress off and put it back on the hanger before sliding back into her jeans and sweater. She was in and out of there in no time at all, but when she walked back out, Victoria was still in her dress.
“But really . . . you’re not going to tell me?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Um . . . it does.”
“Let’s just go,” Liz said, placing the dress on the return rack and folding her arms over her chest.
“You have been beating yourself up about this since October, and you’re not going to even talk about it with me now?” Victoria asked. She actually looked hurt.
Liz ran her hands over her face and tried to decide what to do. She had already confessed to Victoria, and her friend wasn’t judging her. In fact, the only thing she seemed perturbed about at all was the fact that Liz hadn’t told her sooner. Maybe she could trust Victoria.
It would be so nice to have someone to talk to about this. It wasn’t as if Brady were ever coming back into her life. The secret wasn’t even that important anymore. It was just something she had always kept at this point. But really, who was Victoria going to tell? Certainly not Hayden, and anyone she and Brady had been concerned about was long out of the picture.
“So . . . you remember last summer, not this past year but the year before that, how I told you I was seeing someone?” Liz offered.
“Yeah,” Victoria said eagerly.
“I called him that night Hayden and I argued. He picked me up and we went to his condo. We made out. I freaked out and he brought me home.”
“Holy shit! You’re sneaky.” Victoria jumped from one foot to the other. “This is so exciting! I’m usually the dirty one.”
Liz couldn’t help but laugh. What else could she do?
“How could you call him, go to his condo, and kiss, but not fuck? I’m astonished at your self-control!”
“I wanted to, but it didn’t feel right. It’s complicated,” Liz told her.
“Um . . . it’s not complicated. You insert his dick inside—”
“Whoa!” Liz said, holding her hand up. “You don’t have to give away Victoria’s secret.”
“Oh, ha ha! You’re so fucking original.” Victoria rolled her eyes. “So seriously, who is the guy?”
Liz sighed heavily. She couldn’t tell. She just couldn’t. Especially not out in public.
“Can we talk about this somewhere more private?” Liz pleaded.
Victoria clapped her hands together and dashed into the dressing room. A few minutes later, she had all of the dresses hanging haphazardly on the rack, with her selection and Liz’s black beaded dress in her hand. She paid for both through Liz’s protests and then quickly hurried Liz out of the boutique.
“Okay,” Victoria said when they were finally seated in her car.
“Let’s go home. It’s probably safer,” Liz said ominously. She didn’t trust Victoria not to drive them into a telephone pole.
“Seriously?”
“Seriously.”
Liz swallowed, her throat constricting the closer they got to home. She was warring with herself on what she could and couldn’t tell Victoria. She desperately wanted to confide in someone. It was making her crazy. She had held this in for a year and a half and she didn’t want to have to hide anymore. She didn’t want to reveal it to the entire populace or anything. In fact, that was the last thing she wanted.
She still valued Brady’s career and would do everything in her power to keep their relationship from hurting him. That was the reason she had left in the first place. If she didn’t believe in that, then she never would have left.
Victoria pulled into their driveway twenty minutes later and practically skipped to the front door. At least someone was enjoying this.
Once Liz was inside, she took a seat on the couch and tucked her feet up underneath her. While Victoria sat in the chair across from her, bouncing with anticipation, Liz picked at her nails. She didn’t even know where to begin or what to say. Maybe she shouldn’t say anything.
But the one thing she had learned about the entire situation was that secrets were heavy. Mentally, physically, emotionally—they exhausted her. And she had quite the secret tucked away in her heart.
“Well . . . we’re home and it’s safe,” Victoria offered. “I’m literally dying over here. I’ve been curious about this guy since you first told me about him, and to think you saw him in October.”