Monologue with a child
Hello.
Forgive me, for I have not spoken with you for such a long time. For long, inadmissibly long I have been occupied by things which seemed the only important ones to me, the only deserving attention. And in this race, in this never-ending inconceivable bustle I have almost forgotten about you, have almost left you alone. I have no time left even to speak.
I know, I always knew, how important it is for you – to feel, that you are not forgotten, that you are important to someone. That somewhere someone is awaiting you, awaiting your return. That he will happily embrace you when you will appear again on a threshold of his house.
And now you have returned.
You have travelled by novel and unknown ways for so long – and this world is so full of dangers. But no – you have passed all of them, travelled effortlessly – so easily, as if the knowledge of how to bypass them was always with you, since your very birth … as though they were not even obstacles, promising danger, - but some mysterious, wonderful game … and you sincerely enjoyed it.
Forgive me that you had to knock on my doors several times – that I did not hear you from the beginning. I have almost ceased to believe in your returning.
You know, I have been thinking about you since the very moment you left me. The anger, hatred, rage, melancholy, despair - all of them replaced each other as in a kaleidoscope. All of them dropped on me like an icy-cold stream, depriving of powers and heat.
Yes, there were also joyful moments – small sparkles, which have flown away from an unknown fire, and flashed before eyes for an instant, before being dissolved into non-existence again. I have even managed to be happy all years of your absence – but only now I have become truly happy, when you have returned at last. As if I have yet again found something, I have been searching for all my life … something of the utmost importance.
And if you have returned – you must have forgiven me.
Come closer, allow me to embrace you. You have changed … you are completely different now. We both are no longer the ones we used to be.
You have grown up … became stronger. Truly, this life has taught you much – though what can we teach the wizard, capable to change the world ?
Approach me, stand no at a house threshold, for this house is our common one. It will always be this way from now on. Now we will be together again, together again – like in the old times, incalculable years ago.
We will be together, for we are the one. I and You. You and I.
I – human … and You – the eternal child in my soul …
28.09.2010
Nameless One
- Yes, doc ? What have you ?
- The newcomer. Our guys have picked him up from a doss house.
- Humiliated and offended one, or so to say ?
- Sort of. Was wandering around, singing songs. Was still whispering some nonsense under his nose, while was carried here – perhaps, believed, that we haven’t heard all that, - nay, heard, all his bullshit we’ve heard ! Well-well, where will we place him, huh ? He’s still hot – cause recently caught, or so to speak.
- And what exactly was this nonsense about ? Something about the Doomsday yet again, I take it ? We’ve tons of these homebrew Nostradamuses nowadays in our wards already.
- Well … not exactly .. or so I hope. You know, doc, I didn’t listen very attentively to all his rubbish – wanna still remain healthy, you know. But, nevertheless, I’ve heard something interesting.
- Boofhead – cloven-hoofed ! Go ahead, drag it all out, this plain truth !
- Well … in general … first of all he was saying that he’s been living here for a very long time already.
- You mean, in that doss house of his ?
- Not at all, that’s the very point ! He’s been living on the Earth for a long time ! That he’s, ostensibly, almost immortal, sort of. That he’s come to all of us once again, cause he has been called.
- Called ? By whom, I wonder ? Whether it was this sick imagination of his, hmmm ?
- Dunno know, he didn’t tell. Well, then, he has been called, yes, and not alone, but together with others – well, sort of his brothers, or something of that kind. Called ones, so I take it. That they all have come to help us awaken, cause the time is already upon us.
- The time, you say ? What’s time is that ? Whether it’s not the half of twelfth on our clock already, ha-ha !
- No way, sort of intended time, predicted.
- And what’s that – to wake up ? I take it that we both are not sleeping, or have I stopped understanding something in this our lives anymore, hmm ?
- Who’s the hell knows ! He also mentioned, that we are sleeping with still opened eyes, and that, well … those ones will have a harsh time, when that very time comes. That time will not wait for those not ready to awaken.
- Curios git'to !
- Like the mosquito ! Hell, doc, listen further what he was telling ! He also told, that he has remembered himself, or someone has aided him to remember. That previously he was fighting with a sword in fights just, and today has changed iron blade with an invisible blade of word, able to strike the darkness of human hearts even more precisely. That he’s been collecting pearls of last paths, scattered in world’s dust and forgotten, one by one … told something about the déjà vu. He also told, that he was searching for his family … true, real family of those similar in spirit. That he’s awakened partially, and desires to finally open still half-closed eyes. That he is a man of many names and still he has none at the same time. That he was born, died and forgot, born, died and forgot time and again.
- An amnesia, huh ?
- He finally said in the end, that the world will change very soon … greatly change. That many of us will not have enough time to realize all that … they will – but too late … All filth will emerge on a surface and become visible in the dimmed light … That we should love each other, appreciate life, keep faith … you know, I’ve ceased to listen from that point.
- And right were you ! No reason to listen to cranky ones at all ! To remain healthy ones, we all need to …
- Drop the guns ! Doc, you haven’t heard the last part of this story ! He, well, approached me finally – when we were dragging him here in the car … approached easily so, sat down, looked into my eyes … Doc, you should have seen this mixture of grief and at the same time some internal joy, tranquility of sorts, I cannot simply put it in words – I have nearly sunk in his eyes during that instance ! And then he started looking into my eyes for longer and I … I give you a word ! – it was like goose bumps running all over my back – as though he has started reading my soul like an opened book, do you understand ? That sort of sensation it was, no other ! And then he just began to speak of all my life, both of a fate and a lot – of what torments me and why I’ve become who I am at present, and that even if I am a small man, I still can have a good role indented to me … he’s told it all ! I even couldn’t say anything during that very instant from amazement – was looking into this eyes of his with a mouth wide opened, like the insolent loony !
- Well, you, colleague, just listen to all those loonies for quite a time and, perhaps, even the saliva will start dropping from that mouth of yours ! All right, that’s enough already. Place him in the six ward along with the second Napoleon. That’s the fitting place for him – and a fitting time.
- A fitting time … yes, a fitting … time.
- Well, did he at least have his documents on him ? What should I write down in our papers about him ?