Sometimes I called for you in a vain hope to be heard. It seemed to me that you have completely forgotten about me and will never shine the temple of my soul with your presence anymore. I have almost started to believe, that even the most devoted ones are capable of betrayal.
Yes … I see, I feel, how passionately do you desire to turn and face all these big and little ones, stepped over the border of their conscience, how deeply you want to shout to them all, that it’s only you, it’s only you, my beloved one, have never betrayed and deceived me, that only you always treated me so gently and carefully, as no other living being is ever capable of. For only you know, what is an inescapable heart pain … and only you have a cure for it.
But even you have come too late.
For I am not the one I used to be already. Something has parted with me – something imperceptibly important and indescribable in words. Belief ? Hope ? Love ? But what can belief do, when the last hope has crashed into ashes, and what to hope for when the heart has become too rigid to love anymore ? In such minutes it’s possible to love only you, both hoping and trusting.
But you have come too late !
I was young and full of strength once, and it seemed to me that I could do almost anything – and now it seems that I have sunk into all this almost completely. I hoped for trust and trusted love once, but love have disappointed me since then, and thus I have ceased to trust them both. I have already done everything I wanted to once, and still need to do something I cannot make ever.
You could be with young me, but you have decided to come too late. Or, perchance, have you willingly waited for me ?
Nevertheless, we are together at last to become one. Two halves of single whole, two parts of broken jar, which has already lost too much moisture of life. No one is able to separate us, the only true lovers on this guilty earth, initially intended for each other. I accept you the way you are – even though you have come too late.
Even though you have come too late, my death.
I accept you again for you are infinitely many-sided. And each death is always followed by a new birth.
Only therefor I accept you – to wash off all pain of the past, and become live once again, for I have been struggling for it for so long already.
Hi, my death. I welcome thee, oh my rebirth !
20.10.2010
Voices
- Come to us to crush your foe! It’s your wish to make them woe! Louses will be smashed by hills, will be standing on their kneels! Where are you?! Return at last! Stop right now and do it fast! - shouted the first Voice.
- Power! Delight! Gain the might! Join the blight! - the second was crying in heart-rendering squeal.
- Wonderful little girl we possess, you she will comfort, easy the stress! Thirsting for her? Where are you going?! Join the horde in the orgies and falling! - the third one shouted after.
- Money is better than all silly girls! Women are whores, beggars and trolls! All our gold you should better accept, strange voice of conscience better not kept. All in the world then you can always buy! Soul is lost - but the body survives! - guffawed the fourth one.
- Afraid of us, for we are here! We shall devour all that is near! We now don’t care, we’re gonna to die! Fear of us now and tremble, and cry! - the fifth howled with thunder peals.
- Hatred and rage … this ain’t cage! My lovely slave, I am your grave! Go down to me - bottom you’ll see. Hatred and rage - excellent blade! Go to the abyss, join the raid! - the sixth tried to caress hearing.
- Here! To us! Look! In the glass! Stand by! Flame, pool! Where are you?! Fool! - all of them started crying at once, merging themselves into some indescribable chaotic discord.
- See, how they overstrain below? They are shouting like that to everyone - including the pedestrian ones. Especially the pedestrian ones, to be exact. Really hungry they are, - my snow-white Workmate by Sky smiled and showed a hand downwards, where somewhere away on the earth under us landscapes of crevices with tongues of flame, periodically erupting from them, were flowing.
- There can be pedestrian ones? - I questioned.
- Even creeping ones happen to be. As a rule such ones are being very fast caught and … hrum-hrum … you know.
- Severely.
- Well …, - the Workmate sadly smiled. - What’s the reason in creeping? Especially in times like that one …
- By the way, how much time do we have in our possession? - I parried.
The Workmate looked somewhere upwards for a pair of seconds, then turned to me and answered.
- The time of everyone is made so that it’s always enough for his tasks, at due efforts. And concerning humankind in general - very little, - he added after a while.
- And what to do with them? - I questioned Him, showing a Chasm, spreading below.
- With these voices? Don’t pay attention. They will cry for some time and become silent. The higher you will fly up - the lesser you will hear them.
- How far shall we travel from here on? - I interrogatively looked on my Workmate.
- Can you see t-h-a-a-a-a-a-t star in the Heavens? - and Angel specified a small shining point, which has occurred on the horizon.
- Hardly noticed, - I replied. - But a direction of movement looks clear enough.
- Well, nice and perfectly, - and Angel smiled. - Then forward up to the Sky - on all wings, as they say!
- Forward! - answered I and smiled to him in return. - Together with you and the God!
05.02.2011
The Book of Freedom
Wisdom of future, present and past
Now we are releasing at the long last.
Let's celebrate now, sing and dance
Of those, awakening at once.
Piercing fast other's anger and fear,
Book will be born in required year.
Let then each one dive in himself -
Him Book will aid in finding true self.
Whether is matter where it came from ?
Let it be called as the "Book of the Freedom".
Having become free, you will see fetters of others. Trying to remove these fetters, you will create hatred. Fetters can be broken only by those realized them.
Truly free is reasonable, yet not clever.
Truly free is innocent, yet not a child.
Truly free is capable to trust, but himself.
Truly free has no dreams.
Truly free is free to aid sleeping ones awake.
Such is the truly free one.
It's possible to read the book and not understand it - but it's impossible to understand book, without having read it. Let everyone find their own understanding.
Book of the Essence
You are not mind. You are not body. You are not feeling. It’s easier to express true essence through negation.
* * *
Only having dumped from yourself all opinions of a society of who you should be, it is possible to learn who you are. Only having learnt who you are, it is possible to see whom you can become.